Blah

Sometimes I see this blog as a chore.

It weighs on my mind when I haven't written anything. I start to feel guilty as the days go by without a new post. I look at other blogs and marvel at the ability of some people to post something every day. I just don't have the motivation. Hell, my life's not interesting enough for a daily entry.

As of late, I'm just not in the mood to write.
Oh well.
It's really not that big of a deal and I need to feel less guilty about it.

That is all...I'm going to bed.

Musings

It's been a while.

Hair Scare:
So I had two haircuts in three days recently. I went to one woman who had some "different" ideas for me. With me being the non-confrontational person that I am...I sat there and smiled weakly as she explained why the poofy, 70's-style haircut she'd just given me looked good. Luckily, she didn't cut much off. Therefore, I was able to schedule another appointment at a different place. I'm now happy...for the most part. I've pretty much always hated my hair but I'm content with where it's at now. The next big challenge: what will happen as my hair continues to thin. Aging sucks.

A Night Out:
I know getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing in many regards. However, I think it's important to admit there are simply things you "just don't like." I don't like bars. I went out the other night thinking I would "try something new." In reality, it wasn't new. I have the same thought every single time I go out for a night on the town...thinking, "maybe tonight, I'll have fun." I didn't. I don't. I'm perfectly okay with having drinks with friends. "Going out" and all it entails...just doesn't appeal to me.

Time Warp:
I normally welcome the change to daylight saving time. But it's different when you're supposed to go to bed at 7 p.m. I find darkness really helps...and darkness will be in short supply over the next several months.

Lifestyle:
I like working in TV. I really do. But the more I think about it, the more my ideal lifestyle seems to take me in a different direction. I want to play outside, with friends, and not be poor. Does anyone have any idea how I can accomplish that? Let me know.

Target

I figured this would happen eventually.

Every one of us has sat at home and made some wise-ass remark about the people we see on TV. I know I've done it. Hell, I still do it. "Spit it out," I'll say when some other news anchor is having trouble with their words. Never mind the fact that I've had to "spit it out" myself many times. Or you look at a news anchor's clothes and wonder what the hell they were thinking when they got out of bed in the morning and got dressed. For whatever reason, we like to throw little barbs at the people we see every day. In terms of what I was aware of...I avoided the criticism in Bozeman. I'm sure people said things about me while in the privacy of their own home. But it never got back to me.

My free ride, however....is over.

There is a local bar in Boise with a website. On that website are message boards. Within those message boards, the "regulars" love to crucify those on the local news. I read through quite a few of them this weekend and it can get brutal. I received my first scathing remarks shortly after my first day on the morning show.

I am certainly not the only target. People say some nasty things about a lot of people here...on every station. And for the most part, it's not actual criticism. Instead, they throw out mindless insults intended for shock value. In a world where I did something else for a living, I probably wouldn't give much thought to this crap. On occasion, I might even join in. But when you're the person it's directed towards...things are a little different.

Still, I'm not that bothered by it. In all honesty, my first reaction was to smile when I saw it.

I just hope no one sees me on the street and throws food at me...like they did to Nicholas Cage in "The Weatherman."

Rare Opportunity

I have nothing important to say. But honestly, how often do I get the chance to post something on February 29?

A question:
Is today leap day?

I know this year is a leap year. But do we call the actual extra day "leap day?" That just sounds funny to me.

Whatever. Happy Leap Day.

That's all I have to say.

Day 1

It's good to have the first day jitters behind me. Things went pretty well this morning. There were a few hiccups and I did have one "duh" moment, but overall...my debut on the anchor desk went pretty well. I apologize for the pictures above. They're a little blurry. My camera was being stupid and wouldn't focus. But it gives you an idea of what the studio looks like.

The basics:
There's a lot more ad-libbing than I'm used to. That's a good thing. It's always been something I need to get better at. But it's a little challenging now.

My glasses, since so many people were interested, aren't that different than my old ones. I'll probably just use them for TV, and keep wearing my old ones.

I'm excited about this job. There's a lot of potential here...and I can't wait to really take the show in my own direction.

So, if you're ever in southwest Idaho, and you're up between 5 and 7 a.m., tune in...I'll be there.

Early Riser

I'm not really a big fan of this whole "morning" thing. It would be one thing if I had to get up at 7, 6, or even 5 o'clock in the morning. But 2 am? Come on. It's not easy. I know I need at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep. The problem is actually going to bed early enough the night before. Going to bed at 10 is early for me. But if I did that, I'd get 4 hours of sleep. So I should go to bed at 7, right? In theory, that's a good idea. But in practice, it doesn't work. I can't do it...no matter how tired I really am. I figured I would wake up early one day, suffer through an extremely tiring work day, fall asleep early and thus...reset my sleep cycle. It didn't work. Maybe I need some pharmaceutical assistance. Perhaps some Ambien or something. Can I just walk into a doctor's office and get that stuff? I have no idea.

In other news....

...I officially start the morning show tomorrow. I was supposed to start it today but my news director didn't like my glasses. He said they "closed off my eyes" too much. I have no idea what that means. Regardless, we went shopping for new glasses and found some I really like. They'll be ready today. So I should be good to go. I'm slightly nervous. Definitely excited. A little unsure of myself. But here goes nothin'.

And one last note....I'm finally getting DVR. I've sat back in envy as friends have maximized their TV viewing with DVR or Tivo. Now I'm joining the ranks. I'm pretty excited. There's a possibility it could turn me into an even bigger couch potato than I already am...but it's worth the risk.

Observations

Some things I've noticed about myself and my surroundings...as I get used to my new environment:

I'm back in school again.
I feel inexperienced, ill-prepared, and sometimes clueless. I never claimed to be a know-it-all. But I got used to not being questioned at my job in Bozeman. People looked to me for answers, advice, and clarification. My, how the tables have turned. My work is now under scrutiny. I'm being challenged. I'm being questioned. I'm being criticized. Deep down, I know this isn't a bad thing. It's helping me learn. It's helping me become better at what I do. But it's certainly humbling.

Politics are everywhere.
It doesn't matter where you go. It doesn't matter what you do for a living. Workplace politics are everywhere. Conflicts abound. People have strong personalities. No place is perfect. A couple short weeks in the newsroom, and I seem to have seen it all.

Traffic sucks.
I used to think traffic in Bozeman was bad. Now I know I had it easy. Although Boise isn't the biggest city out there, the traffic can be a nightmare. I'm just not used to urban commuting. I'm finding myself getting frustrated very easily.

Sugar beets stink.
There's a sugar beet factory not far from the station. I know nothing about the way sugar beets are processed. All I know is that it fills the air with a sickening sweet stench. It's a smell hard to describe. Just know that it's awful.

Weather changes fast....EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever been somewhere where the weather changes quickly and someone says, "That's _____ for you." They'll insert the place where they live and somehow they think the phenomenon of rapid weather change is unique to them. Guess what? It's not. I've seen it everywhere I've been. Quit claiming it as a unique badge of honor.

Despite the tone of this post, I'm not complaining. Overall, I'm pleased with how things are going at work. I'm excited about the next two years and what I can accomplish. I get a good vibe from Boise and I'm looking forward to getting to know the place. I just tend to dwell on my frustrations more than anything else. It's a bad habit.

Digging in

The first week is over.

I'm happy about that. I hate those first few days at a new job. You feel useless and under-utilized at the same time. You pester everyone with questions. You have opinions...but you're not confidant enough in your new setting to back them up.

For the most part, that's all over. I made it through the first week and I think I proved myself. There's much more work to be done, but I know everyone was holding their breath...waiting to see how I'd perform under pressure. I was thrown to the wolves on Thursday. For those who've been at the station for a while, it wasn't anything extraordinary. For me...the pace was challenging. This is all TV talk, but I did three stories in one day. I never had to do that in Bozeman. Yes, I have a photographer now. (no more shooting my own stories). Yes, I have an editor now. (no more putting them together myself). Still, it was a little overwhelming.

I'm solely a reporter for the next two weeks. After that, I start the morning show. I can't wait. I'm really excited for it.

Besides work, there's not much else going on. I've been busy getting things settled in my apartment. Overall, I get a pretty good vibe from Boise. I'm still nervous about planting myself here. But it seems like a good place. It's clean. It's beautiful. (although the mountains here just can't compare with those in Montana and Salt Lake). The people are friendly. I'm realizing early on that the only thing that would stop me from enjoying this place...is myself. I'll try not to let that happen.

One last thing...completely unrelated to life in Boise. Does anyone know if the following video is real?

Odds & Ends

Four full days in Boise.

Actually, that's not true. I've spent most of the past 4 days in Nampa...a suburb about 20 miles west of Boise. I'm not sure what to think of Nampa. My natural distaste of suburbia is probably the biggest factor in my view of the town. However, my hotel is here, my work is here, and like it or not...I'll be spending a significant amount of time here.

I have been to Boise several times. I found an apartment on Thursday. I move in Wednesday evening. It's pricier than what I had envisioned, but it was also love at first sight. It's a nice complex, newly renovated, right on the Boise river. It's also close to downtown and Boise State University. I'm excited about it. I'll post some pictures when I move in and get settled.

I did a little exploring...walked around downtown, drove up to Bogus Basin, searched for the big box stores and fast food restaurants I'm bound to visit in my time here. Now all that's left is to start working. That's tomorrow. I won't start the morning show for a couple weeks. Other than that, I have no idea what's in store for me. I'm excited though. I really need to start working. I'm getting antsy. It's amazing what effect a little downtime can have on your self-confidence. The more I dwell on what it's going to be like, the more I think about the possible mistakes I'm going to make.

Goodnight, Montana

I drove out of Montana in September 2005 not expecting to return. My 4th and final season in Glacier National Park had come to an end. Though thoroughly saddened by the fact my “seasonal life” was over, I knew it was time to let go. I knew there were other things waiting for me. I understood I had to close one chapter before I could begin a new one. Still…that drive wasn’t easy. For 5 hours, as I moved north to south, I reflected on what the previous 4 summers had meant to me and how they had changed me. It was an emotional ride. The final outburst came as I crossed the border into Idaho. “Goodnight, Montana,” I said aloud. “I know I’ll be back…but our relationship will have changed.”

I arrived home in Salt Lake feeling overwhelmed. I knew I was headed in a brand new direction. But there were no specifics. Instead I had to feel around a little, take a few missteps, and find my own way. In retrospect, it didn’t take long. Within a month and a half of coming home, I was back in my car, driving on the highway to, of all places, Montana.

Good fortune, divine intervention, luck, “meant-to-be”….I don’t care what you call it. I was just incredibly happy to begin my “new” life in my “old” place. It’s funny how you can look back and view a time in your life as being much better than it actually was. Overall, I had a great time in Bozeman. But I’d be lying if I said it was easy. In the beginning, I would often focus on how much time was left on my contract. One month down. Two months down….and so on. I just wanted my two years to be finished. It’s somewhat difficult to explain why. Bozeman was the first place I had ever lived where a social structure wasn’t built in. It’s not easy to make friends in an unfamiliar place…at least not for me. Frankly, I was uncomfortable and lonely in the beginning…and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I guess that’s why I wanted it to just be over. To be clear, it wasn’t a matter of wanting out of the situation. It was a matter of wanting to have made it through…without the necessary effort.

Things slowly got better. Again, I won’t lie and say my social life here is amazing. But I did meet people. I made friends. I got comfortable. Dare I say…Bozeman even started to feel a little like home. I can look back on this process of adjusting to a new place…and call it a learning experience. I can take what I learned here and try not to make the same mistakes in Boise. I think I’ll be okay.

While I muddled my way through the new challenges in my personal life, I feel like I thrived professionally. I’m the little kid who wanted to be a news anchor. I knew it at 5 years old. For some reason, it was something I was always drawn to. To see that dream realized was surreal. To actually do the work was validating. I remember how I felt the very first night I anchored the news. When I look back at it now…I’m a little embarrassed. I was nervous. I was very green. I was stiff. It shows. But still, I knew I did well for the level I was playing on. I called my parents after the show. My mom said, “Well? How’d it go?” With a big grin on my face, I said, “I was born for this.” I know it’s cheesy. I know it’s corny. I know I’m a dork. But I was really, really happy. I felt validated. That validation only grew. I made an impact here. I impressed people. I did good work. I made myself proud. A first job in this business is supposed to be your proving ground. I proved myself. I’m not blind to the fact that there is much, much more to learn. But I think I built a very sturdy foundation in Bozeman.

My next drive out of Montana will be today. I’ll probably cry like a little girl. I’m not sure if I show it or not…but I suspect I’m much more emotional and sentimental than most people think. It’s hard not to be. Over and over and over again…I’ve waxed poetic about Montana. I can’t help it. Everything I’ve found here has been good. It healed me emotionally. It nourished me physically. It helped me socially. It grew me professionally.

The only thing left to do is say thank you. Thank you to the people I met here. Thank you to God for putting me here. Now it really is time to move on. Not because I want to. Not because I even have to. But simply because the time is right.

As far as Montana is concerned, David Walburn said it best in song.
“…you can never say goodbye to her, you can never say goodbye….just good night”

So that’s what I’ll say. Goodnight, Montana. Goodnight.

Flattered

And it's over.

I had my last day at work yesterday. I'm completely flattered and overwhelmed with the fond farewell I received...not only from my co-workers, but my competitors at the other station in town.

Below is a video clip of what both stations did for me. A quick note of explanation: my friend Beth used to work with me at my station. She left last fall to work for the other guys. As a result, she's contractually restricted from appearing on TV for a period of 6 months. Nonetheless, they came up with a clever idea to allow her to say goodbye to me. Profiling me on their station was a flattering and kind thing to do. Thanks guys. It means a lot.

As for my station, they sent me off in style. Thanks to them for that. I'm gonna miss everyone. I'll write a final Montana post tomorrow as I head out of town. Now I gotta pack like a madman.

Enough is enough

I wrote this a couple months ago.

I'm taking it all back. Facebook is not better than MySpace.

Don't get me wrong. My relationship with Facebook started out promising. But my how it has fizzled. What went wrong? Consider this comparison. You start dating someone new. In the beginning it's hot, it's exciting, it's all you ever wanted. But as time wears on, the excitment wears off. Soon you discover the little annoyances you failed to see at first. Before you know it, you're completely irritated...and the relationship is over.

So goes my relationship with Facebook. I was excited about it when I first signed up. But now, I'm just irritated. I'm sick of all the "applications." I don't want someone to test my movie knowledge. I don't want to join a game of Scrabulous. I don't care how sexy my name is. Those are just a small portion of the applications I've been asked to add. For the record, I've only allowed two: Oregon Trail (because seriously, how could you not like Oregon Trail) and Skiers vs. Snowboarders. But do I really need 4,500 (that's how many Facebook applications actually exist) to choose from?

I did a little research and found that I'm not alone in this. One blog out there called all the applicatons a "cornucopia of uselessness." Ditto.

I'm not ridding myself of Facebook. I've found people on there I never would have been able to track down. But the love affair is over.

I'm rekindling the romance with my original flame...MySpace.

Happy Birthday

Today was my dad's birthday. I didn't call him. Sorry, Dad.

I really didn't forget. I thought about it several times today. It's just that whenever I did remember it, I was on some sort of deadline for work. And whenever I experienced a lull...I forgot about it.

So Happy Birthday. Thanks for all the help (financial and otherwise) over my past 28 years. Just because I'm getting a new job and I'll be making more money...doesn't mean that has to stop. :)

GBH

I've written before of my complicated relationship with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Refer to that post for details and background.

With that mentioned, I was genuinely saddened to hear that Gordon B. Hinckley had died. Despite my criticisms of the church, I saw in him a little of what I've always found hard to see in Mormonism; compassion without judgement. I always got the sense that he walked a bit of a tightrope...upholding church doctrine while legitimizing and recognizing different viewpoints.

Perhaps others didn't see him that way. I did...and my gut always told me he was "good guy." I'm sorry to see him gone.

Powder, birds, & guts

I've snowboarded many times. I worked two full ski seasons at three different resorts in three different states. I've had my fair share of powder days. But nothing I've experienced so far compared to this past Saturday.

This is what it looked like in Big Sky. That's a car under there. Bad news for that car's owner. Good news for me. The riding was unbelievable. At least 2 feet of fresh, dry powder for the taking. The best part? Big Sky isn't like many other resorts. Even on a Saturday powder day...the slopes are crowd free; one advantage of being in a remote part of Montana. It was one of the best riding days I've ever had. It came at just the right time, too. Severe winter weather blew in today. It's supposed to -10 tonight with a wind chill approaching -25. The front steps of my apartment have disappeared...replaced by a four foot high snowdrift.

Speaking of just outside my apartment, check out this photo:


I walked out of my building a couple weeks ago, looked up, and stopped dead in my tracks. Ravens, ravens everywhere. I felt like I was in "The Birds." I counted 40 altogether. And finally, speaking of animals, don't you just love seeing a gutted, split-open elk on the back of a pickup in front of you on the freeway?

I was trailing this guy for a while wondering what the hell I was looking at. I finally got close enough to identify the rib cage. A freshly killed, freshly gutted elk.

I'm gonna miss Montana.

"...and all the rest of dear old West..."

Aging sucks.

I'm nearly 28. By the time my contract ends in Boise, I'll be nearly 30. I think of those numbers and while my face wrinkles into a frown...it's still hard to wrap my mind around them.

Mention my 10-year high school reunion...and it's a different ballgame.

I was on the phone with a friend yesterday when she said, "you're going to our reunion right?"
"What reunion," I said.
"Our high school reunion. Our 10-year high school reunion."
"What!? But that's not 'til 200-." That's when I gasped. "Oh my God. It's 2008. I graduated 10 years ago?"
"Yeah you did."
"Oh my God, I'm old."

There you have it. My 10-year high school reunion is this year. I'm only turned off by the fact that it's been 10 years. Unlike many, I'm okay with actually going. I haven't gotten fat. I'm not bald. I have a respectable/unique/interesting job. I've done fairly cool things in the time I've been out of high school. I like seeing old friends. I think it'll be interesting.

But damn....I'm getting old.

Gramically?

I'm sorry Beth. I must blog about you and your quote today. Please forgive me.

So Beth and I were chatting on the phone. We were talking about someone who has a hard time reading and writing coherently. In all seriousness, Beth pulls out this zinger:

"Nothing they write is gramically correct."

Ahh...good times.

In other news....

....my reign of terror officially ends tomorrow. I am no longer interim news director at my station. Woohoo! The new news director starts tomorrow. Granted, he'll have an adjustment period and yes I'm leaving soon anyway but oh man...it still feels good not to have intolerable levels of responsibility.

My last day is three weeks from yesterday. It hasn't sunk in yet.

A Dog's Life

I am a big baby.

I've teared up before while watching a sad movie, hearing a sad song, or reading a sad book. But never have I cried so much as I did when I finished "Merle's Door."

I had never even heard of the book. I was browsing the shelves in Borders and happened to see it. I read the inside jacket and thought, "I should buy this." So I did.

Wow. I can't believe how much if affected me given the fact that I've never owned a dog. If you get a chance, read it. And if you're making fun of me for crying...you'll be singing a different tune when you finish it. I promise.

New Adventures

Boise it is. Here goes nothin'.

I don't know that I've ever had such a tough time making a decision. Of course, I never had to make one as seemingly important as this one. In retrospect, it was Boise all along. I could see that. It was just a cloudy view. I had to suffer through the haze until things cleared up.

Still, even if I did know what I wanted deep down, it was not an easy decision. How do you casually decide to leave something that isn't necessarily bad? How do you know when to walk away from something good? Those are always the hardest steps to take. You know it's right...but you know following through is going to hurt. It's a tough pill to swallow.

I know I'm constantly fawning over Montana. Some don't understand it. Others are sick of it. Still others just think I'm crazy. But you have to see it like I see it. I came here as a broken 22-year-old. Montana, and everything I found here, healed me. How can I not have deep, unwavering affection for such an all-encompassing salve?

Still...it's time to go. You can expect me to wax poetic over the next month. I'll probably drive out of this state sobbing like a baby....but I suppose tears of nostalgic reflection are the best kind of tears to cry.

p.s. thanks to everyone who cares

Decision Time

Wow. I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry. I actually do feel bad when I slack off. The guilt was eating away at me. But, as stupid as it sounds, I didn't want to write anything until there was some certainty as to what I would write about. That certainty has arrived. Now it's time to choose.

vs.

I got a nice present on Christmas Eve. The news director in Boise called and offered me the job. I was genuinely excited...yet still conflicted. For days, I'd been wondering about a specific job with my current company....in Missoula. Although it wasn't actually open, the timing and circumstances were such...that the possibility was there. I was terrified of accepting the Boise job...and finding out days or weeks later that the Missoula job could have been mine if I'd stuck around. I finally just said to my bosses, "Hey. I want this. If I can't have it...that's cool. Just let me know so I can accept something else without hesitation." They let me know. The job wasn't available. I was relieved....

...until they brought up the prospect of something else.

The possibility had been presented to me before. I wasn't terribly excited about it, but I never firmly discounted it either. When it was presented to me again, I said, "Okay. I am, at the least, interested. But I need to make a decision soon. Let's talk." We talked today. In all honesty, I was curious about a salary. The figure they quoted.....was surprising. It was higher than I had imagined. And now I'm left with this question: Should I stay or should I go?

Either way, I'm leaving Bozeman...probably by the end of this month. But should I go to Boise or Missoula? From a purely career standpoint, Boise is the better move. From a lifestyle standpoint, Missoula trumps Boise. However, neither perspective outweighs the other to the point of my choice being easy and clear.

I put together a rough pros and cons list earlier tonight. Didn't help much. Both choices had many pros. Both had few cons. Both jobs offer new adventures. Both offer new challenges. Both jobs offer growth. But in comparing Boise and Missoula...it's all a matter of degree. EVERYTHING about Boise is new. In Missoula, I can experience new things as well, but with a certain degree of familiarity.

I have a lot of thinking to do.