200

This is my 200th post. On one hand that seems like a lot. On another...it seems like a little, especially since I've had a blog for about 2 years. Hmm. Whatever.

My colleagues and I have been demoted. When I first came to Bozeman I was working in television market 193. (There are 210 markets across the country. They're ranked on how many viewers are in each market. For example, New York is number one. Chicago is three. Salt Lake City is 35. Butte & Bozeman are near the bottom of the list). I didn't care about that. I wanted to live in Montana. Plus, we have an excellent product for a small market TV station...much better than some stations in the country twice our size. A year later, we moved up to market 192. Woohoo!!! Movin' on up. Alas, this year....we've sunk to 194. I'm not sure why. Ask the Nielsen ratings people. Regardless, it's sort of depressing.

It's been one week since I sent out my first tapes. No responses. sigh.

I saw the movie Pan's Labyrinth over the weekend. Wow. Excellent film. It's one of those foreign films where you completely forget you're reading subtitles. The imagery is amazing. Although I can't get these two freaky characters out of my mind.

A Visual Employment Guide

As promised, I've started the job hunt. I'm feeling less ambivalent about leaving Montana. It will always be here. I can always come back. For now, I'm getting excited about the possibilities out there. I've sent out 10 resume tapes. They were quickly put together for the jobs I wanted to get a jump start on. Some of them are long shots....I'll freely admit that. But I saw the job listings and there was just "something" that spoke to me about each one. So I sent some tapes. I do have one definite favorite out of the whole bunch. I'll keep that secret for now. Here are the first cities I've officially applied to. (in no particular order)

Asheville, North Carolina

St. Louis, Missouri

Colorado Springs, Colorado

Orlando, Florida

Denver, Colorado

Manchester, New Hampshire

Portland, Oregon

Honolulu, Hawaii

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Madison, Wisconsin

Alas, there are no jobs available in Salt Lake City. I was about to apply for a reporter job at KSL but the position was filled by the time I got around to it. Maybe something will open up in the next couple weeks or months.

At a crossroads

I knew this was coming. Still, I feel woefully unprepared for it. For the past few days my mind has been filled with a stressful mix of reflection, hope, self-doubt, confidence, and uncertainty. I'm trying as hard as I can to make sense of it all....but my efforts are futile.

Tomorrow, I will officially start the "job hunt." My best effort at a resume tape (sure be revised several times in the near future) is complete. Applications will be moving through the postal system by mid-week. That said...I'm still as confused as ever. I'm trying to take three seemingly contradictory themes...and put them into some sort of order. It isn't easy. It's nearly impossible.

First...I love Montana. I don't know what it is about this state, but I'm hooked. I love the mountains. I love the people. I love the towns. I love the nooks & crannies. I love it all. I suppose I could be a Montanan for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. "So just stay there," you say. Ahh...if only it were that easy.

Second...While I love Montana, there isn't much keeping me here. I realize I'm terribly close to contradicting myself. I don't know how else to describe it. I've found wonderful things in this state but I've yet to find something BIG or SIGNIFICANT to keep me here. I have good friends. But that's not the same as a tight, close circle of friends. I have no significant other. I'm not looking for pity but in a sense...I'm a little lonely here. In other words...I need CHANGE. I'm not sure what kind. I just need some sort of change. I need to shake things up. I'm stagnant. Maybe a minor change, maybe a giant change. I just need some variation of it.

Third...I want to grow professionally. Small market television is....well...amusing to say the least. There's only so far you can take your abilities. I want to see what I'm made of. "So move on," you say. Ahh...if only it were that easy. This is where I go back to loving Montana. I don't know about city life. I'm extremely skeptical. I'm also skeptical of anywhere without mountains. I don't know if I can handle that.

So yeah...that's where I am right now. Perhaps no one will want me...and I'll be forced to stay in Montana to simply keep a job. Then again...that would also probably depress me.

Musings

"Technical difficulties".....the epitome of how a news anchor's lingo has become cliche. "We're having technical difficulties." Yeah, I said that tonight. Luckily (and surprisingly) it wasn't our station. It was "mom & dad" in Missoula. Our parent station couldn't put on a show tonight due to "technical difficulties" so we had to do it for them. Normally our viewing area is southwest Montana. Tonight we branched out into western and northwest Montana as well. I wonder if anyone there saw me, thought "who the hell is that?"....and then turned me off.

Beyond the fire line....I've seen many major wildfires up close. Intense heat, 200 foot flames, black skies, scared bystanders. It's really an awesome sight. What I've never done, until today, was visit the aftermath of a fire...just days after it burned through. I was escorted through parts of the Wicked Creek Fire to get video and interviews with homeowners. It was very cool. We were in an active fire perimeter so there were spot fires here and there that surprised us. Firefighters are amazing people. They have a tough job.

Choking Haze....speaking of wildfires, the entire state of Montana is burning. It's awful. Apparently Idaho is even worse off than we are. The combination of our fires and their fires is making for some MISERABLE air quality across the state. Montana is supposed to have clean, fresh air. Instead, we can't even see the mountains. Visibility today was a measly ONE MILE. My eyes hurt. My throat hurts. My sinuses hurt. We need some wind and rain...badly.

Still recovering....my recovery from the Bridger Ridge Run is taking longer than I anticipated. I have one nasty blister on my right foot that's causing me intense pain. I can't wear closed-toe shoes. I had to interview Montana Sen. Max Baucus and former Utah Governor Mike Leavitt the other day. Did I dress to impress? No. I wore my Chacos because my feet hurt so bad. Did they judge me? I don't know....frankly, I don't care. Also, my right knee is still pissed at me. I wake up in the morning and it's fine. But as soon as I start going down stairs or walking downhill it starts to ache. What do I do for that?

T-Minus 3 Months....I have less than 3 months to go on my contract. I'm excited, nervous, and ambivalent all at the same time. I love Bozeman. I love Montana. I love my job. I don't necessarily want to leave. At the same time, I'm fed up with "office politics," my meager salary, and the bullcrap of working in an atmosphere where the bells & whistles we should be able to afford...are sacrificed for profit. I'm working on my resume tape. It's stressful. I finally feel "settled down" in Bozeman. Pretty soon, I will uproot myself and move somewhere new. That's the recurring theme for the next three months or so.

Buenos Dias.

Crippled by Mountains

For nearly a year the Bridger Mountains have beckoned me. I usually leave the blinds in my bedroom open...giving myself a clear view of the Bridgers everytime I go to, or rise from, bed. Here's that view in winter.

For most of that year, I could look out my window, see the Bridgers, and smile longingly. This morning, I look out and think, "you suck."

I'm only kidding....sort of. I did the Bridger Ridge Run yesterday (read this post from a year ago for background) and this morning...I am unbelievably sore. My entire body hurts, but nothing is giving me more problems than my knees. It's as if they have a mind of their own, and for the time being, have decided it's not in their best interest to bend. When I force them to, they howl in protest. (It's hard to hear them because I'm howling in misery at the same time). Even if they could bend more easily, the 7 or so blisters on my feet are also hindering my ability to walk.

Despite the pain, the run was an oh-so-amazing experience. It was hard. I won't deny it. Harder than I had thought it would be. I've always said I'm not a runner. I am, however, a strong hiker. I figured my hiking skills would get me through. They did....but they also cost me time. I finished in 6 hours 36 minutes. I wasn't last...but I was certainly nowhere near the front of the pack. Out of about 250 runners, I finished about 200th.

I said yesterday that I wouldn't do it again. Even with my wobbly legs today...I'm not sure that's true. While I probably won't be living in Bozeman a year from now...I wouldn't mind coming back to take another shot at the run. I would like to finish under 6 hours.

A special thanks to mom and dad for driving up from Salt Lake just to see me cross the finish line. Thanks guys. I love you.

Trashiness - Part Deux

Sigh.

For the second time in 4 days, the cops showed up at my apartment complex. My downstairs neighbors got into a fight. I was ready to call the police as I saw three guys beating the crap out of another guy. Other neighbors beat me to it. I have a police scanner in my room for work and soon after the fight started, the first calls came in. What is it with some people?

Not in front of the neighbors

As I've mentioned before, I live in low income housing. I've tried to fight the stereotype that "trashy" people live in such shelter because....hey, I live here...and I'm not trashy. On top of that, I have a pretty nice apartment. Low income housing in Bozeman is far different than low income housing in Detroit. Still, the trashiness abounds. What's worse is that it always seems to happen when I have guests staying with me.

My friend Maureen (and her friend Katie) stopped in Bozeman for a couple days on their weeks-long road trip. We had all gone to bed Saturday night when we hear yelling in the parking lot. I get up, look out the window, and see my neighbors going at it in the parking lot. There's the man, holding a baby with one arm, fighting with his girlfriend. I didn't think about calling the police until he grabbed her shirt and ripped it off her with a force that scared me a little. Katie told me to call the police at that point...and I did. To make a long story short, the guy was carted off to jail for the weekend. I have no idea if he's out or not. The cops knocked on my door at 2 am to take our statements. What a bizarre night. I'm glad it's over.

In other news...

...my Blue Angels story continues draw attention. The reaction and feedback I've received has been astounding. I've come to the conclusion that people really do watch the local news....they just don't talk about it unless they see something completely out of the ordinary. I've had more people approach me in the past week, than I've had in the past year. The best was when a guy came up to me in the bar and said, "I've never watched the local news in my life. The one night I do...I see you passing out in an F-18. That was awesome."

It was awesome...and I'm still as grateful as ever.