Dream Deferred

Here I come New York!!!!

That's what I'd like to be saying right now. But I can't...at least not yet. Let me lay it all out for you.

I did a lot of research on the New York Conservatory of Dramatic Arts. I heard good things. I heard bad things. Overall, my impression was favorable. I think I'd have a good time there. I think I'd learn a lot. I think two years in New York would be a pretty incredible experience. But it would be so...so...expensive.

I haven't been too honest with what this little adventure would cost. I've just said it would be a lot of money. But let me be upfront. Factoring in tuition, insurance, housing, and living expenses...I'd be looking at $80,000 over two years. The ONLY way to pay would be with student loans. I have great credit. I'm sure I could easily get the money. But paying it back seems daunting. I ran the numbers through several different loan repayment calculators I found online. Depending on how many years I chose to repay the loan...I'm looking at an average of $15,000 in interest costs. I'm also looking at a recommended annual salary of, on average, $80,000 to help in repayment. Yikes.

There are many variables. I know that. I could find a job in NYC to help pay the bills. I could try and live with friends. I could even graduate, get a starring movie role, make a million dollars and things would be just peachy. But there are no guarantees. I'm not afraid to take a leap of faith. I'm not afraid of risk. I'm not afraid of tackling something new and uncharted. But in this case, the price is just too high.

Here's the good news...

Whether acting turns out to be a passion or a hobby, there are countless ways for me to explore it. Luckily, there's not one acting school in one city that EVERYONE tries to get into. There are a lot of opportunities out there. I'm a strong advocate for pursuing a dream. At the same time, I realize I'm closing a door on one of mine. But I'm at peace with it only because I know it's just one door. Sometimes there are many ways to get to the finish line. This is one of those cases. I like acting. I'm interested in it. I'll explore it some way, in some fashion, some time in the near future.

For now...I have a car to pay off. I've got some credit card debt I need to take care of. I also have a $20,000 dental bill bearing down on me in the next few years. But more than all of that, I'm still in a business that I love, despite recent frustrations. I'm going to see where that takes me first.

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me and supported me in this. It still might happen...just not this year.

More Cowbell

Some friends of mine live lives straight out of a TV sitcom. They experience daily scenarios that only seem possible in the minds of a comedy writer. Hearing their stories is always fun. I've been jealous. Although embarrassing at times, the life of a sitcom character seemed more interesting.

Never again will I have that wish. Let me tell you why.

The picture above was taken this past weekend in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. It's a photo of my co-anchor Michelle and her lunatic aunt. I don't even remember her name. As you can see from Michelle's dress...it was her wedding weekend. You may also notice she's holding a little cow bell. What you can't see are the half-dozen other cow bells ...or cow balloons...in the room. What you don't know is that I'm indirectly responsible for them being there. That's not a good thing.

Michelle is one of my greatest friends. For the past two years, I've probably seen her more than she sees her own husband. She sits next to me on the anchor desk for two hours every morning. We sit across from each other in the newsroom too. We see each other a lot. I consider her my TV wife...but our relationship is more like that of a brother and sister. We love each other...but we want to kill each other too. The insults fly back and forth. It's all in good fun.

Michelle got engaged in February 2009. I've had to hear her talk about her wedding for a year and a half...and she's a chatty person. One of the biggest topics was her wedding diet. I got so tired of hearing about it that I soon came up with a new nickname for her: Cowbride. I told her she was going to be a cowbride and that I would bring cowbells to her wedding and ring them as she walked down the aisle. That made her mad. Ahh...good times.

You might be thinking, "what a jackass." Maybe...but I never would have brought cowbells to her wedding. Too bad someone else did.

This brings us to Michelle's lunatic aunt. At some point before the wedding on Saturday, Michelle took it upon herself to tell some family members about me. She was talking about work and explained who would be coming to the wedding. She talked about her co-anchor and how he would call her "cowbride." It was a story meant to illustrate the brother/sister relationship we had. I had no idea this took place. I barely saw Michelle before the wedding, let alone meet any family members. But now I know that her aunt took that story and ran with it.

I showed up at the reception pretty early and noticed the cow attire that adorned the room. To be honest, I didn't think much of it. It confused me a little but I certainly didn't think I could be responsible. How could I be? No one here knew about the little inside joke we shared. The evening wore on, Michelle and the wedding party arrived, and the celebration commenced. I went to the bathroom at one point. When I returned, Michelle was at my table asking where I was. Her aunt was by her side. Michelle saw me, glared at me, and said, "You!" Instantly, I knew. The "cowbride" banter had come back to haunt me. The aunt saw me and was delighted. Apparently she missed the fact that I would actually be there. She took me by the arm, led me around the room and shouted, "this is all because of you!" while pointing out the cow decorations.

I was stunned...embarrassed...immobile with disbelief. How? What? Huh?

Her aunt is the loud, obnoxious type too. Throw alcohol into the mix and it got worse. Eventually, as the evening wore on, people would ring the cow bells when that wanted Michelle and her husband to kiss. I turned red every time. My colleagues thought it was funny. I wanted to die. I don't want to give the impression that Michelle's night was ruined. It wasn't. The talk about "Cowbride" made up about 2% of the evening. She danced, laughed, smiled, drank, and had a good time. But every time her aunt made a scene, she was visibly irritated.

I really did feel like crap. I can't even convey how much it bugged me. I was in a bad mood most of the night. Michelle made it clear she didn't blame me. Her husband, who also works at our station, even came up to me and said it wasn't my fault. I know it too. I do. "Cowbride" was an inside joke between friends. I started the joke and never intended to share it with anyone outside of our little circle. Michelle had no idea what would happen by telling her own family. But that damn...crazy...lunatic....aunt.....

I know Michelle very well. When I take a close look at the photo above, I can tell the smile on her face is insincere and strained.

I feel like this story could be right out of a sitcom. A team of writers could probably make it hilarious. On some level, it is. Michelle gets back from her honeymoon in about a week and I guess I'll find out how she really feels.

But for now, I feel awful. Forget the sitcom life. I'm good with being boring.

Seattle

I've always assumed I just wasn't suited for city life. I always thought, "I could live there if I had to...but I'd prefer something else." I'm not so sure about that now. I spent last weekend in the Emerald City and found myself wishing I could relocate there. Wandering the streets of downtown Seattle just put a smile on my face. I'm not sure why. I didn't see much. I didn't do much. I just liked being there. Portland is still my favorite city in the Pacific Northwest. I'd still like to move there if I could. But Seattle would work fine too. Now if only I can get a job there.

I was in Seattle with high hopes. I wanted one of these:

I went home empty handed. A colleague and I were up for the award at the Northwest Regional Emmys. We were nominated for this story in the Best Light Feature Story category. I tried to downplay how much I cared about winning. Truth be told...I really wanted to. It helps a little that I lost out (as did six other nominees) to John Sharify. He's widely considered one of the best feature reporters in the country. I've seen his work and it's...damn...good. On the bright side I did get to accept three other awards. Two of my colleagues won a "Continuing Coverage" Emmy. Plus, our morning and evening newscasts won in their categories. So that was nice.

Now what?

Back in February I made a confession. I was toying with the idea of going back to school to study theater and acting. Over the next few months, I took a few hesitant steps in that direction. One of those steps was auditioning for a dramatic arts school in New York. I figured that I would try something audition based to gauge my talent/potential. According to the research I did, this school accepts about 180 students a year out of the 4,000 or so who audition. I think most people have been told not to believe everything (sometimes anything) they read online. I consider that whenever I'm perusing the interwebs. So I'm still not sure of this claim. Maybe they just say that to gain a reputation of exclusivity.

True or not...they accepted me. If I want to, I can start the two-year program this September.

There's just one minor hitch.

$$$$$$$$$$$

Tuition ain't cheap. Factor in living expenses, travel costs, insurance requirements and this little adventure of mine could cost a small fortune. On the surface, there is absolutely no way I can afford it. I don't have the money. No one I know has the money. I was offered a $1,000 scholarship but that is just a drop in the bucket.

The way I see it, there are only two ways I'll be moving to New York in 3 months. My first option is to suddenly come into some kind of financial fortune...like winning the lottery. My second, and most likely, option is to take out some student loans. I have great credit. I bet I'd have no problem doing it. But damn, the idea of such huge loans is intimidating. If I was studying to be a doctor I'd rely on the security of being able to pay them back some day. But acting? Well...it's not exactly a huge money maker...for most people anyway.

So there you have it. I want to do it. I just don't know if I can. So now what?