More Cowbell

Some friends of mine live lives straight out of a TV sitcom. They experience daily scenarios that only seem possible in the minds of a comedy writer. Hearing their stories is always fun. I've been jealous. Although embarrassing at times, the life of a sitcom character seemed more interesting.

Never again will I have that wish. Let me tell you why.

The picture above was taken this past weekend in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. It's a photo of my co-anchor Michelle and her lunatic aunt. I don't even remember her name. As you can see from Michelle's dress...it was her wedding weekend. You may also notice she's holding a little cow bell. What you can't see are the half-dozen other cow bells ...or cow balloons...in the room. What you don't know is that I'm indirectly responsible for them being there. That's not a good thing.

Michelle is one of my greatest friends. For the past two years, I've probably seen her more than she sees her own husband. She sits next to me on the anchor desk for two hours every morning. We sit across from each other in the newsroom too. We see each other a lot. I consider her my TV wife...but our relationship is more like that of a brother and sister. We love each other...but we want to kill each other too. The insults fly back and forth. It's all in good fun.

Michelle got engaged in February 2009. I've had to hear her talk about her wedding for a year and a half...and she's a chatty person. One of the biggest topics was her wedding diet. I got so tired of hearing about it that I soon came up with a new nickname for her: Cowbride. I told her she was going to be a cowbride and that I would bring cowbells to her wedding and ring them as she walked down the aisle. That made her mad. Ahh...good times.

You might be thinking, "what a jackass." Maybe...but I never would have brought cowbells to her wedding. Too bad someone else did.

This brings us to Michelle's lunatic aunt. At some point before the wedding on Saturday, Michelle took it upon herself to tell some family members about me. She was talking about work and explained who would be coming to the wedding. She talked about her co-anchor and how he would call her "cowbride." It was a story meant to illustrate the brother/sister relationship we had. I had no idea this took place. I barely saw Michelle before the wedding, let alone meet any family members. But now I know that her aunt took that story and ran with it.

I showed up at the reception pretty early and noticed the cow attire that adorned the room. To be honest, I didn't think much of it. It confused me a little but I certainly didn't think I could be responsible. How could I be? No one here knew about the little inside joke we shared. The evening wore on, Michelle and the wedding party arrived, and the celebration commenced. I went to the bathroom at one point. When I returned, Michelle was at my table asking where I was. Her aunt was by her side. Michelle saw me, glared at me, and said, "You!" Instantly, I knew. The "cowbride" banter had come back to haunt me. The aunt saw me and was delighted. Apparently she missed the fact that I would actually be there. She took me by the arm, led me around the room and shouted, "this is all because of you!" while pointing out the cow decorations.

I was stunned...embarrassed...immobile with disbelief. How? What? Huh?

Her aunt is the loud, obnoxious type too. Throw alcohol into the mix and it got worse. Eventually, as the evening wore on, people would ring the cow bells when that wanted Michelle and her husband to kiss. I turned red every time. My colleagues thought it was funny. I wanted to die. I don't want to give the impression that Michelle's night was ruined. It wasn't. The talk about "Cowbride" made up about 2% of the evening. She danced, laughed, smiled, drank, and had a good time. But every time her aunt made a scene, she was visibly irritated.

I really did feel like crap. I can't even convey how much it bugged me. I was in a bad mood most of the night. Michelle made it clear she didn't blame me. Her husband, who also works at our station, even came up to me and said it wasn't my fault. I know it too. I do. "Cowbride" was an inside joke between friends. I started the joke and never intended to share it with anyone outside of our little circle. Michelle had no idea what would happen by telling her own family. But that damn...crazy...lunatic....aunt.....

I know Michelle very well. When I take a close look at the photo above, I can tell the smile on her face is insincere and strained.

I feel like this story could be right out of a sitcom. A team of writers could probably make it hilarious. On some level, it is. Michelle gets back from her honeymoon in about a week and I guess I'll find out how she really feels.

But for now, I feel awful. Forget the sitcom life. I'm good with being boring.