Okay, here's the deal. I have this friend who's fallen in love with a married woman.
And seriously, it's a friend of mine. I'm not using one of those "i have a friend" lines to cover up the fact the story is really about me.
So yeah...he's fallen in love...with a married woman. Apparently she feels the same way about him and tells him that she's been drifting apart from her husband for quite some time. They've only been married for a couple years. She now says it was a mistake to marry him and that, at the time, she assumed she knew what love really was. Now she says she's discovering the truth...she's found out what love is supposed to be like.
These are not crazy people. I know all three of them. They're not the whacked out type that pops up on Jerry Springer from time to time. They're all well-grounded, well-behaved, honest, down-to-earth, caring individuals.
Physically, this girl has not strayed from her marriage. Emotionally, she has.
My friend took a step in the ethical direction and told her that they probably shouldn't see each other anymore...at least until she figures out where she wants to take her marriage.
I'm torn. If I didn't know these people I wouldn't have much respect for this girl or the man squirming his way into her marriage. Then I hear how he talks about her. I hear his genuine remorse and how the girl's husband is being treated. My friend's a good guy and he doesn't want to hurt anyone. He's just fallen for a married girl and doesn't know what to do.
Marriage is supposed to be sacred, I know. He should take the honorable road, stop seeing her, and remove himself from the situation. And yet, on some level, I'm rooting for him. Is that wrong?
Cheating takes place all the time. People are pigs and jerks and don't care about other people. But aren't there times when something that just isn't supposed to happen...develops? What if you fall in love with someone other than your spouse? Do the vows you took trump everything else? Does the realization that you married the wrong person even matter?
These are genuine questions I'm asking. I don't know.
My friend feels horribly guilty for what's happening. Yet, he can't help the way he feels.
I suppose I'm in the same boat. Logic and ethics tell me that he's a home-wrecker. And yet, on some level, I can't help but wish that his dreams become reality.
Advice?
Lincoln
1 comment:
In my opinion, staying married while not totally committed is an insult to the other person. You say your friend is a good guy, and so he might be. The real question is what does the woman in question intend to do about her current marital situation? Cheating is wrong because it indirectly makes a statement about your respect and care for the one being cheated on. Your friend is doing the honorable thing, and I hope he stays strong until his lady friend bites the bullet and makes the decision to be happy and let her spouse be happy as well. I am assuming she married young, which is always a mistake. People grow up together or grow apart. I think it's difficult to really know who you are in your twenties. Best of luck to your friend. By now, since I came upon your blog late, I hope everything has been resolved.
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