I hate inner turmoil.
On one level I recognize that it's good for us. It challenges us. It helps us to grow. It teaches us things we didn't know about ourselves; all good things...but it doesn't make GOING through it any easier.
The job hunt has taken a turn. I should probably describe it as a "turn for the better" but I'm not so sure. The fact that it's become "real" and filled with distinct possibilities is more than a little frightening. I've applied for 25 jobs across the country. I got two bites near the end of last week. The specifics aren't important right now. Things will play out over the next little while and I'll just have to see where they go. The big problem for me is what these prospects have done for my mental state.
I don't like it when I can't figure things out. I don't know whether my reluctance to leave Montana is some deep part of my soul telling me I should stay here....or simply a fear of change. It's making me question everything I thought I knew about the paths we take in life. Although not very religious, I've always felt guided in a certain way. I've always just assumed the places I ended up were where I was supposed to be. My intuition (a higher power if you will) has given me accurate directions. As a result, I've assumed I could decipher what my intuition was telling me. I'm not so sure anymore. I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision. That fear is compounded when I consider my decision-making track record. For the past 6 years it's been very good. I don't want to screw up the winning streak.
I'm trying as hard as I can to process everything. I don't know if it's working. Just wish me luck.
4 comments:
I wish you luck Lincoln! I believe it is fear of a new situation. I often get comfortable and feel the same way with change. However, I think you should take it head on and advance your career. Take the chance my friend take the chance!
i agree with brandon!! and that pretty much never happens, so that must mean that for once he is right! :)
I'll third that, if the opportunity is there you should snap at it. I know this may sound weirdly trite, but we are young enough that even if it is a mistake it won't affect us for too terribly long.
But really, chances are it's not.
i have more confidence in your decision making abilities than i have in my own.
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