2010

It's about 10:30 on New Year's Eve. I'm home alone. I'd be out with friends right now, but I'm sick. I don't feel terrible....just your average cold. But I hate being sick so much, that I try not not to do anything that will jeopardize a quick recovery. Partying it up on New Year's Eve might just do that. I'm only slightly disappointed about now being out right now. That kind of surprises me. I hate the feeling of being left out. I don't like missing out on things. Under normal circumstances, I'd be seriously annoyed that folks were having fun without me. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. But these aren't normal circumstances. This year has been anything but normal.

It's hard for me put into words what I'm feeling right now. I had such high hopes for 2010. It was my 30th year after all. That seems like the perfect milestone to "get it together" and emerge a brand new person.

Hasn't really happened.

When I actually look back, I realize nothing terrible has happened to me. In fact, I've had some really good times. I went to Arches National Park for my 30th birthday...along with some awesome friends. I saw one of my best friends get married on a beautiful summer night in north Idaho. I went skydiving for the second time and loved every second of it. I opened up to friends in a way I'd always wanted to...and realized there was never anything to be scared of. New people came into my life suddenly and unexpectedly...and quickly became confidants and best friends.

When all is said and done...it was on okay year. But I cannot help being down on myself professionally. I have been ready to move on for so long now and it's just not happening for me. I don't know what it is. But it's definitely a confidence killer.

The only thing I wonder about...

The only thing I still can't figure out....

Is whether I'm still in Boise for a reason.

I'm still trying to figure that one out. It's apparently too soon to tell.

Happy New Year everyone. I'm intrigued to see what 2011 brings all of us.