Happy Birthday

Today was my dad's birthday. I didn't call him. Sorry, Dad.

I really didn't forget. I thought about it several times today. It's just that whenever I did remember it, I was on some sort of deadline for work. And whenever I experienced a lull...I forgot about it.

So Happy Birthday. Thanks for all the help (financial and otherwise) over my past 28 years. Just because I'm getting a new job and I'll be making more money...doesn't mean that has to stop. :)

GBH

I've written before of my complicated relationship with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Refer to that post for details and background.

With that mentioned, I was genuinely saddened to hear that Gordon B. Hinckley had died. Despite my criticisms of the church, I saw in him a little of what I've always found hard to see in Mormonism; compassion without judgement. I always got the sense that he walked a bit of a tightrope...upholding church doctrine while legitimizing and recognizing different viewpoints.

Perhaps others didn't see him that way. I did...and my gut always told me he was "good guy." I'm sorry to see him gone.

Powder, birds, & guts

I've snowboarded many times. I worked two full ski seasons at three different resorts in three different states. I've had my fair share of powder days. But nothing I've experienced so far compared to this past Saturday.

This is what it looked like in Big Sky. That's a car under there. Bad news for that car's owner. Good news for me. The riding was unbelievable. At least 2 feet of fresh, dry powder for the taking. The best part? Big Sky isn't like many other resorts. Even on a Saturday powder day...the slopes are crowd free; one advantage of being in a remote part of Montana. It was one of the best riding days I've ever had. It came at just the right time, too. Severe winter weather blew in today. It's supposed to -10 tonight with a wind chill approaching -25. The front steps of my apartment have disappeared...replaced by a four foot high snowdrift.

Speaking of just outside my apartment, check out this photo:


I walked out of my building a couple weeks ago, looked up, and stopped dead in my tracks. Ravens, ravens everywhere. I felt like I was in "The Birds." I counted 40 altogether. And finally, speaking of animals, don't you just love seeing a gutted, split-open elk on the back of a pickup in front of you on the freeway?

I was trailing this guy for a while wondering what the hell I was looking at. I finally got close enough to identify the rib cage. A freshly killed, freshly gutted elk.

I'm gonna miss Montana.

"...and all the rest of dear old West..."

Aging sucks.

I'm nearly 28. By the time my contract ends in Boise, I'll be nearly 30. I think of those numbers and while my face wrinkles into a frown...it's still hard to wrap my mind around them.

Mention my 10-year high school reunion...and it's a different ballgame.

I was on the phone with a friend yesterday when she said, "you're going to our reunion right?"
"What reunion," I said.
"Our high school reunion. Our 10-year high school reunion."
"What!? But that's not 'til 200-." That's when I gasped. "Oh my God. It's 2008. I graduated 10 years ago?"
"Yeah you did."
"Oh my God, I'm old."

There you have it. My 10-year high school reunion is this year. I'm only turned off by the fact that it's been 10 years. Unlike many, I'm okay with actually going. I haven't gotten fat. I'm not bald. I have a respectable/unique/interesting job. I've done fairly cool things in the time I've been out of high school. I like seeing old friends. I think it'll be interesting.

But damn....I'm getting old.

Gramically?

I'm sorry Beth. I must blog about you and your quote today. Please forgive me.

So Beth and I were chatting on the phone. We were talking about someone who has a hard time reading and writing coherently. In all seriousness, Beth pulls out this zinger:

"Nothing they write is gramically correct."

Ahh...good times.

In other news....

....my reign of terror officially ends tomorrow. I am no longer interim news director at my station. Woohoo! The new news director starts tomorrow. Granted, he'll have an adjustment period and yes I'm leaving soon anyway but oh man...it still feels good not to have intolerable levels of responsibility.

My last day is three weeks from yesterday. It hasn't sunk in yet.

A Dog's Life

I am a big baby.

I've teared up before while watching a sad movie, hearing a sad song, or reading a sad book. But never have I cried so much as I did when I finished "Merle's Door."

I had never even heard of the book. I was browsing the shelves in Borders and happened to see it. I read the inside jacket and thought, "I should buy this." So I did.

Wow. I can't believe how much if affected me given the fact that I've never owned a dog. If you get a chance, read it. And if you're making fun of me for crying...you'll be singing a different tune when you finish it. I promise.

New Adventures

Boise it is. Here goes nothin'.

I don't know that I've ever had such a tough time making a decision. Of course, I never had to make one as seemingly important as this one. In retrospect, it was Boise all along. I could see that. It was just a cloudy view. I had to suffer through the haze until things cleared up.

Still, even if I did know what I wanted deep down, it was not an easy decision. How do you casually decide to leave something that isn't necessarily bad? How do you know when to walk away from something good? Those are always the hardest steps to take. You know it's right...but you know following through is going to hurt. It's a tough pill to swallow.

I know I'm constantly fawning over Montana. Some don't understand it. Others are sick of it. Still others just think I'm crazy. But you have to see it like I see it. I came here as a broken 22-year-old. Montana, and everything I found here, healed me. How can I not have deep, unwavering affection for such an all-encompassing salve?

Still...it's time to go. You can expect me to wax poetic over the next month. I'll probably drive out of this state sobbing like a baby....but I suppose tears of nostalgic reflection are the best kind of tears to cry.

p.s. thanks to everyone who cares

Decision Time

Wow. I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry. I actually do feel bad when I slack off. The guilt was eating away at me. But, as stupid as it sounds, I didn't want to write anything until there was some certainty as to what I would write about. That certainty has arrived. Now it's time to choose.

vs.

I got a nice present on Christmas Eve. The news director in Boise called and offered me the job. I was genuinely excited...yet still conflicted. For days, I'd been wondering about a specific job with my current company....in Missoula. Although it wasn't actually open, the timing and circumstances were such...that the possibility was there. I was terrified of accepting the Boise job...and finding out days or weeks later that the Missoula job could have been mine if I'd stuck around. I finally just said to my bosses, "Hey. I want this. If I can't have it...that's cool. Just let me know so I can accept something else without hesitation." They let me know. The job wasn't available. I was relieved....

...until they brought up the prospect of something else.

The possibility had been presented to me before. I wasn't terribly excited about it, but I never firmly discounted it either. When it was presented to me again, I said, "Okay. I am, at the least, interested. But I need to make a decision soon. Let's talk." We talked today. In all honesty, I was curious about a salary. The figure they quoted.....was surprising. It was higher than I had imagined. And now I'm left with this question: Should I stay or should I go?

Either way, I'm leaving Bozeman...probably by the end of this month. But should I go to Boise or Missoula? From a purely career standpoint, Boise is the better move. From a lifestyle standpoint, Missoula trumps Boise. However, neither perspective outweighs the other to the point of my choice being easy and clear.

I put together a rough pros and cons list earlier tonight. Didn't help much. Both choices had many pros. Both had few cons. Both jobs offer new adventures. Both offer new challenges. Both jobs offer growth. But in comparing Boise and Missoula...it's all a matter of degree. EVERYTHING about Boise is new. In Missoula, I can experience new things as well, but with a certain degree of familiarity.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

'Tis the season

Geez. Long time, no post. Sorry about that. (as if anyone cares).

The past week and a half has flown by. Work, as usual, has been a rollercoaster ride of exhaustion, exhiliaration, soul-sucking annoyance, and success.

There's no serious movement in the job hunt. I'm waiting to hear back from Boise. It could be any day now.

In the meantime, I've tried to get into the Christmas spirit. I won't be going home this year. :( That's sad. I do, however, have a Christmas tree that I cut down myself. It took a while to get it decorated but here it is.
Those are Glacier National Park ornaments. (I know...I'm a dork). I figured a bear tree topper would be ideal.

I also went to a Christmas party this past weekend. Some photos:

The Jewish sports guys and their Manischewitz wine

The "CBS Girls." Right women...wrong station

Jerrita & I. She brings some southern flavor to Montana

Saboe and I...I forget she's a traitor when she wears a big bow

One Christmas tradition I have not delved into...Christmas shopping. I'm sorry folks. I'm not buying presents for anyone. I'm poor. I have no time. Don't waste your money on me.

I'm going to bed now. And I'm sleeping in tomorrow...for the first time in a long time.

Bozeman to Boise?

I went.
I saw.
I'm intrigued.

There's the summary for my Boise trip. I don't really know what else to say.

There were no moments of "Wow!!! This job is perfect for me!" At the same time there were no thoughts of "hmmm....I'm not so sure about this." Simply put, I don't know what to think.

The Pros:
The people at the station were amazing. Everyone was friendly, welcoming, and genuinely interested in talking with me. The station, obviously, is a big step up from where I am now. More toys, more people, more money. The job I interviewed for is a great opportunity. Good position to jump to. Decent pay. Well-balanced workload. The station "looks" great. Vibrant, professional, fast-paced way of delivering the news. Graphics are beautiful. They recently won an Emmy for best newscast in their region.

The Cons:
A jump from where I am now...but within their own TV market (competing against 3 other stations), they face lots of challenges. Boise is very big and unfamiliar. I know this is to be expected but still, it discouraged me a little. The station faces some financial hurdles.

....you know what? This is stupid. As I write this I'm realizing it really is a great opportunity. Simply writing down the pros and cons has cleared things up a lot. Who knew I'd have some sort of epiphany while writing this post. I'm convinced my biggest reservation is fear of the unknown.

Granted, I have not been offered a job. They have other candidates to interview as well. But if things go my way, there's a very good chance I'll be in Boise within a couple months. Time will tell.

Sicky Sickerton

I'm sick.

I called in sick to work on Monday. I went to work Tuesday. Anchoring for just 10 minutes at 6 o'clock really did a number on my throat and voice. By the 10 o'clock show...it was worse. Before the show started there was a nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "you shouldn't be doing this." I did it anyway. It wasn't good. I kept it together for the most part but I was talking very quietly, my voice was shaky, and I was swallowing in the middle of sentences.

I woke up this morning and called in sick again. I sat home, pretty much all day, doing nothing. It's been okay...if not extremely boring. I've been doing a lot of thinking today....not all of it productive.

I leave for Boise this Sunday. I'm excited. A little nervous too. What if I hate it? What if I like it? What if I hate it and they desperately want me. What if I like it and want them to desperately want me? What if I'm indifferent?

Another strange opportunity popped up this week. A job in Topeka, Kansas. A good job...with a good salary. I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking the same thing. Kansas? Still, something about it made me think, "don't rule this out just yet." We'll see where that goes.

I'm solidly addicted to 4 reality TV shows. A Shot at Love with Tela Tequila, Keeping up with the Kardashians, I Love New York 2, and The Girls Next Door. Frankly, I'm falling in love with Tela myself.

I hate the fact they took pseudoephedrine out of over the counter cold medicines. Screw the meth heads...it's the only thing that works for me. I know I can still get it from the pharmacy, but they weren't open at 10 o'clock the other night.

Christmas is coming? It might as well be January. It's a shock that I actually have a Christmas tree in my apartment. I'm just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. It's not that I'm being a grinch and Christmas is pissing me off. I simply haven't noticed it. I haven't given a single thought to presents, decorating, Christmas shopping...nothing.

I'm sort of missing Utah. I think it's because I was watching the Dick Nourse and Michelle King farewells online. They reminded me of growing up in Utah and Salt Lake. It made me a little sad. God knows I love Montana...but I miss Utah.

O Tannenbaum

For the first time ever, I cut down my own Christmas tree yesterday. I'm sure cutting your own tree is not a "uniquely Montana" tradition. However, I had never heard of doing that until I moved here. I should have done it two years ago when I first moved here but hey....better late than never. Joining me were Jeff & Rob, the two Bozeman sports guys. (Jeff is Jewish and was cutting down a tree for a friend). Here we are below with the trees we chose. Mine isn't the biggest, but it's definitely the best.

It was a good winter weekend in Montana. I went snowboarding on Saturday and then romped through the Gallatin National Forest on Sunday. On top of that one of my best friends and I got even closer. That was good too.

My TV Crush

My desire to be a news anchor is inextricably linked with Michelle King.

It all began on January 28, 1986. I've blogged about it before. What I didn't mention in that post of nearly 2 years ago...was the face staring back at me that night. It was the face of Michelle King.

I was entranced by her. I'm not sure why. Why do any of us develop the crushes we do? There was just something about her. She was, and still is, my favorite news anchor.

I've met her a few times, though I'm not sure she'd remember me. I was an intern at KUED in Salt Lake. I worked on a weekly public affairs program called Civic Dialogue. It was a weekly show where notable community members would sit down for a half-hour interview. I floated the idea of having "local TV news anchor Michelle King" sit down for a personal chat. My bosses liked the idea and told me to book her. I was pretty nervous. "Do I just call KUTV and ask for Michelle King," I asked myself. That's what I did. I got her voicemail. She called back the next day and graciously agreed to do the interview. I finally met her in person on interview day.

A year or so later, I scored an internship at KUTV. I had been working there a few days before I saw her. She remembered me as the one who asked her to do the KUED interview. I thought that was pretty cool. For a while I didn't get a whole lot out of that internship. I was too busy staring around the newsroom...in awe of the people (Michelle King front and center) I had grown up watching. Gradually, that faded and I was able to see everyone as down to earth people.

I don't live in Utah anymore, so I don't get to watch Michelle King every night. Still, it was a little disheartening to hear that she had chosen to retire. Tonight is her last broadcast...after 29 years at KUTV. (It's also Dick Nourse's last show at KSL...after 43 years. Cool...but I just never was a huge Dick Nourse fan).

I'm such a news dork.

This is your life

I was going to devote this post to the topic of football. Yes, football. What in the hell does Lincoln, of all people, have to say about football? Tune in at a later date to find out.

As I was reaching into the memory bank (my journal) for this football entry, I came upon something that has completely perplexed me and thrown me for a loop.

At the end of my first year in Glacier National Park, I bought a journal. For the next 4 years, I wrote in that journal. I obviously didn't do it a lot...otherwise I would have filled the thing up long ago. But I wrote as regularly as could be expected of me.

My last entry was on September 17, 2006. Here's what it said:
"I know what I need to do. Yet the thought terrifies me. Or does it? I suppose the act of "doing" will be terrifying but right now I only feel slight apprehension. I'm wanting more right now. Just something else. Soon, Lincoln. Soon."

Here's the issue: I have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Seriously. I can't remember. What was I terrified of doing? I looked back in my blog archives to see if my September '06 ramblings would clue me in. No dice. I'm completely, utterly dumbfounded.

I thought journals were supposed to help you re-live memories. Mine has only confused me.

Boise Bound

Finally...some actual movement.

I'm officially headed to Boise for a job interview. It's been on the radar for some time now but now...I actually have a plane ticket.

I've never had a burning desire to move to Boise. I'm not sure how I feel about the prospect. But when I weigh the pros and cons...I realize the cons are simply unknowns. I just don't know much about the city...or even Idaho for that matter. As for the possible job, it's a great opportunity with a seemingly great TV station. So for now, I'm simply excited to see what it's all about. I leave December 9th and I'm stoked.

There are still other possibilities out there....other angles to work. But perhaps this whole "looking for a new job" thing is finally (albeit slowly) coming to a head.

Rivalry

vs.

For the longest time, I was a myspace loyalist. Katie tried for months to convince me that facebook was where it's at. I didn't believe her. I made a feeble attempt to join facebook but it didn't go anywhere. My profile languished, incomplete and lacking substance, for months. Then...someone I had been thinking about for a while...someone I hadn't seen since high school...found that wispy little profile and contacted me. So, in order to communicate with this person, dived head first into the world of facebook.

Wow.

I didn't realize what I was missing. facebook is so much better than myspace. I feel like a 15-year-old girl when I say that but it's true. And there's one simple little reason for the truthfulness:

People.....Are.....Lazy

I don't care how easy the internet makes it to stay connected. It can still be a chore to wade through everyone's profiles on myspace, leave comments, write messages, whatever. It's hard to keep track of it all. facebook does ALL of that for you. It puts in the extra effort for you. You don't have to go searching around to see what people are saying to each other. facebook simply tells you. Everything's automatic. When someone's profile changes...you are notified no matter what. I love it. Yes that's lame. Whatever.

I feel bad for myspace. I really do. I'm usually such a loyalist. But in this case...it just ain't gonna happen.

What the hell happened?

Not too long ago...life was good.

It was summer. I was eating right. I was active. I liked my job. The future looked bright. I was relatively happy.

All of a sudden...life sorta sucks.

It's cold outside. I'm stressed. I don't exercise anymore. Work is blech. I'm nervous about the future. I'm in a rut.

What the hell happened?

Seriously...how does life change so fast without me realizing it?

That's all. I need to get up at 5:30 so I should go to bed. Even though I can't sleep.

Crown & Coke

It's 5:30 p.m. on a Saturday night in Bozeman. I'm home alone, drinking a Crown & Diet Coke. Judge me. I don't care.

It's been an eventful couple of months. I never imagined I'd be where I am right now...dealing with what I'm dealing with. It's enlightening, frustrating, humbling, and exhausting...all at the same time. Here's a rundown of what I've learned recently.

1.) Management is not for me.

I've known that for a long time. Now I'm validated in that belief. Managing is basically babysitting....and I hate it. It's especially hard when you have to babysit the people you've been working with (on an equal level) for the past two years.

2.) People are greedy.

I don't care who you are...when it comes down to it...you're greedy. You're looking out for your own best interests. I'm not excluded in this. But in taking a "management" role at my station, I have a different perspective. Whether it's malicious or not, people are looking out for themselves...at all times...whether they realize it or not.

3.) If there's an open door...people walk through it.

This sort of goes with #2, but it's slightly different. People will take advantage of whatever new situation arises. They're looking out for numero uno...and when new cirumstances make that easier...they seize the opportunity.

4.) Competition can be ugly.

Maybe I don't know how to handle competition because I was never really into sports. But when two friends are suddenly put into the position of competing each other...things deteriorate quickly. It's no fun.

5.) Strong feelings can't be bottled up.

It's okay to fight. People do it all the time. I'd even say it's healthy. But after the cooldown period...you've got to talk things over. It makes for much healthier relationships...even with people you wouldn't consider close friends.

6.) It's easy to get burned out.

I've never been in this situation before. I used to think people who were "burned out" were just whining. Now I know better. Too much of anything can force your body to simply shut down.

7.) We all have an ego.

I don't care how shy or outgoing you are. Your ego is always wanting a little more attention or validation.

8.) Stress can change you.

I'm sure this is obvious to everyone. Personalities change when under stress...especially for those people who don't normally deal with a lot of stress.

9.) Accurate examination of self...is vital.

You've gotta be honest with yourself. You have to look at yourself truthfully. Much of the time, you won't like what you see. But if you can see what other see...you're more apt to change yourself for the better.

10.) Bodies need rest.

I guess science has known this for a while. I'm just beginning to realize it.

Sometimes I wish people I knew didn't read this blog...so I could be a little less vague and more open with my feelings. Then again, my ego would take a hit if I knew people weren't reading. Go figure.

Adjusting to my new reality

Here's the deal.

I work....a lot.

On most days, I'm in the office by 10 in the morning. I leave around 11 at night. There are some days when I literally do not leave the building the whole time. It sucks...to put it mildly. But there is no other choice. I'm news director, producer, anchor, reporter, light bulb changer, car washer, mediator, and any other job title that happens to find me.

It's not going to last forever...but it could last a while. I'm actively looking for a new job. It isn't easy. I'm not sure what I expected when I started the job hunt. I guess I was thinking good fortune and luck would simply come my way. That hasn't happened...yet. And while I've been discouraged for a while now...it's getting a lot better. Reality is setting in...and I'm adjusting to it. Bozeman is not a bad place. Work is terribly difficult right now, but I don't want to leave here...just to leave. When I do go, I want it to be to a place that I'm excited about...a place that's right for me...a place that speaks to me...a place that fits. I'm understanding now that it's going to take some time. I'm okay with that. I have to look on the bright side. I'm raking in the overtime. I'm getting managerial experience (even though I hate it and never wanted it in the first place). I'm still in a great place with good people. I'm being allowed to hunt for a job while I have job security.

So there you go. We'll see what happens.

Remember when...

...you could go trick or treating without having to worry about sex offenders?
...you had to carve a pumpkin WITHOUT those fancy/schmancy pumpkin carving kits with intricate designs and teeny weensy saws?

I was thinking about those two things today. I've seen all kinds of news stories across the country on how to keep your kids from trick or treating at the homes of sex offenders. Really? I guess it's something to be concerned about but...it didn't used to be like that.

And then...I carved a pumpkin last night without using those kits. It was interesting. It turned out well though. I can't remember the last time I did it.

All in all...a good Halloween. I was busy, of course...but still good.

I had way too many mini Twix bars today.