Blunt

A conversation I had today with a prospective talent agent.

Me: Hello.

Agent: Is this Lincoln?

Me: Yes it is.

Agent: Hi Lincoln, this is so-and-so from so-and-so.

Me: Hi there.

Agent: Let's cut to the chase. What's your current contract situation?

Me: Well, it expires at the end of February and I'm currently negotiating an extension.

Agent: And you're looking for a job and haven't had any bites. (said as a statement)

Me: Uh...yes.

Agent: Well first of all, get rid of those glasses.

Me: Uh....

Agent: Seriously. They're distracting. No one wears glasses. What about contacts or Lasik?

Me: Well I'm not a fan of contacts and I'm not a good candidate for Lasik.

Agent: Well get some contacts. Secondly, gain some weight or hit the gym.

Me: Uh....

Agent: You don't have a commanding build. If you want to be an anchor, you need broad shoulders. You're too slight.

(Silence)

Agent: I figure I should just be blunt.

Me: Uh....okay.

Agent: I take it you live in a part of the country that isn't getting a lot of sunlight right now.

Me: Uh....

Agent: You're very pale. Either get some new make-up or hit the tanning booth.

Me: Uh....

Agent: Tell you what, I'll send you a sample contract and if you promise to work on the things we talked about, I'd be happy to represent you.

Me: Okay.

The End

I paraphrased a little bit...but only a little. He did say I had a good voice. I'll give an inch on the pale hue of my skin. I need a little color. But this guy was a douchebag. I will not be signing with him.