It

Have you found "it?" I haven't. I've been doing some soul-searching this week. Here's why:

Two very good friends, Ron & Jessie (boyfriend-girlfriend), stopped through Bozeman on their way to Glacier National Park for the summer. We had a great time...but as they left this morning, I couldn't help being just a little bit sad.

I have talked of my love for Glacier many times on this blog. For some who read this...maybe it's merely uninteresting. For others...perhaps annoying. I'm sure some have thought, "get over it Lincoln." I've had the same thought. But in recent weeks I've developed a theory on why I can't get over it...and by that, I mean "it."

In a sense, I went to Glacier because I was running away from something. Life wasn't too great back in the spring of 2002, so I went looking for an escape. I wound up in northwest Montana. Who knew the experience would become so profound for me? One thing you have to know about Glacier (and any seasonal worker-type life) is that it's not "reality." For one thing...it's ALWAYS temporary. Summer ends...and your time spent in paradise also ends. Sure, you can always come back next year (like I did) but each year is a unique and different experience. Second...there is the constant hounding from friends and family back home. "When are you going to get a real job, Lincoln?" They feel the need to remind you that you're simply "having fun" and that you can't do it forever. For the most part...they are right. There is usually no growth in the seasonal life. It is what it is...and the responsibilities of "real life" eventually come calling. Most people go back to real life and get on with it. But some, myself included, have a harder time. The reason? They haven't found...."it."

But wait...that's not quite right. I did find "it." But "it" turned out to be a slice of life that isn't part of reality. Are you still with me? "It" can be many different things to many different people. Maybe it's your significant other. Maybe it's your hometown. Maybe it's your job. Most people, though, have some kind of defining characteristic or part of life that keeps them grounded, connected...and well...happy. For the young people venturing to Glacier (or any other seasonal job) "it" has already been found...or is in the process of being found. Perhaps school is waiting for them at the end of the summer. Perhaps a new job. Many are there for a summer hiatus of sorts. They come to the park, have a blast, and go back to whatever life plans they had before. But others, like me, arrive with the intent of "finding something." Boy did I find "it." The only problem?...As I mentioned...Glacier isn't reality. I found something that is inherently in conflict with long-term life goals.

I found "it" but...."it" couldn't sustain itself.

There are others out there like me. We look back on our experience and long for those wonderful days. "Real life" is somewhat of a challenge because nothing we find can compare to our seasonal experience.

There are a few people, like Ron & Jessie, that turn places like Glacier into real, long-term life. It's difficult, but it can be done. They are NOT irresponsible. They are NOT lost, wandering souls. They are simply able to deal with the intricacies of turning a temporary world into a permanent one. It's hard to explain how...but they do it...and find "it."

I'm not particularly sad right now...just a little wistful. In my heart of hearts I know I couldn't have stayed in Glacier forever. There were other goals (like being a news anchor) that I wanted to pursue. I've done that, I don't regret anything, and I plan to keep pursuing. But..at the same time...I'm still looking for "it." Life in Bozeman is good but I haven't found that "spark." I don't know what "it" will turn out to be but I am confident I'll find it somewhere, somehow, down the road in life. Until that happens, I'll always look to Glacier as somewhat of a beacon. A big part of me still resides there...but only because a new home hasn't been found.