Rivalry

vs.

For the longest time, I was a myspace loyalist. Katie tried for months to convince me that facebook was where it's at. I didn't believe her. I made a feeble attempt to join facebook but it didn't go anywhere. My profile languished, incomplete and lacking substance, for months. Then...someone I had been thinking about for a while...someone I hadn't seen since high school...found that wispy little profile and contacted me. So, in order to communicate with this person, dived head first into the world of facebook.

Wow.

I didn't realize what I was missing. facebook is so much better than myspace. I feel like a 15-year-old girl when I say that but it's true. And there's one simple little reason for the truthfulness:

People.....Are.....Lazy

I don't care how easy the internet makes it to stay connected. It can still be a chore to wade through everyone's profiles on myspace, leave comments, write messages, whatever. It's hard to keep track of it all. facebook does ALL of that for you. It puts in the extra effort for you. You don't have to go searching around to see what people are saying to each other. facebook simply tells you. Everything's automatic. When someone's profile changes...you are notified no matter what. I love it. Yes that's lame. Whatever.

I feel bad for myspace. I really do. I'm usually such a loyalist. But in this case...it just ain't gonna happen.

What the hell happened?

Not too long ago...life was good.

It was summer. I was eating right. I was active. I liked my job. The future looked bright. I was relatively happy.

All of a sudden...life sorta sucks.

It's cold outside. I'm stressed. I don't exercise anymore. Work is blech. I'm nervous about the future. I'm in a rut.

What the hell happened?

Seriously...how does life change so fast without me realizing it?

That's all. I need to get up at 5:30 so I should go to bed. Even though I can't sleep.

Crown & Coke

It's 5:30 p.m. on a Saturday night in Bozeman. I'm home alone, drinking a Crown & Diet Coke. Judge me. I don't care.

It's been an eventful couple of months. I never imagined I'd be where I am right now...dealing with what I'm dealing with. It's enlightening, frustrating, humbling, and exhausting...all at the same time. Here's a rundown of what I've learned recently.

1.) Management is not for me.

I've known that for a long time. Now I'm validated in that belief. Managing is basically babysitting....and I hate it. It's especially hard when you have to babysit the people you've been working with (on an equal level) for the past two years.

2.) People are greedy.

I don't care who you are...when it comes down to it...you're greedy. You're looking out for your own best interests. I'm not excluded in this. But in taking a "management" role at my station, I have a different perspective. Whether it's malicious or not, people are looking out for themselves...at all times...whether they realize it or not.

3.) If there's an open door...people walk through it.

This sort of goes with #2, but it's slightly different. People will take advantage of whatever new situation arises. They're looking out for numero uno...and when new cirumstances make that easier...they seize the opportunity.

4.) Competition can be ugly.

Maybe I don't know how to handle competition because I was never really into sports. But when two friends are suddenly put into the position of competing each other...things deteriorate quickly. It's no fun.

5.) Strong feelings can't be bottled up.

It's okay to fight. People do it all the time. I'd even say it's healthy. But after the cooldown period...you've got to talk things over. It makes for much healthier relationships...even with people you wouldn't consider close friends.

6.) It's easy to get burned out.

I've never been in this situation before. I used to think people who were "burned out" were just whining. Now I know better. Too much of anything can force your body to simply shut down.

7.) We all have an ego.

I don't care how shy or outgoing you are. Your ego is always wanting a little more attention or validation.

8.) Stress can change you.

I'm sure this is obvious to everyone. Personalities change when under stress...especially for those people who don't normally deal with a lot of stress.

9.) Accurate examination of self...is vital.

You've gotta be honest with yourself. You have to look at yourself truthfully. Much of the time, you won't like what you see. But if you can see what other see...you're more apt to change yourself for the better.

10.) Bodies need rest.

I guess science has known this for a while. I'm just beginning to realize it.

Sometimes I wish people I knew didn't read this blog...so I could be a little less vague and more open with my feelings. Then again, my ego would take a hit if I knew people weren't reading. Go figure.

Adjusting to my new reality

Here's the deal.

I work....a lot.

On most days, I'm in the office by 10 in the morning. I leave around 11 at night. There are some days when I literally do not leave the building the whole time. It sucks...to put it mildly. But there is no other choice. I'm news director, producer, anchor, reporter, light bulb changer, car washer, mediator, and any other job title that happens to find me.

It's not going to last forever...but it could last a while. I'm actively looking for a new job. It isn't easy. I'm not sure what I expected when I started the job hunt. I guess I was thinking good fortune and luck would simply come my way. That hasn't happened...yet. And while I've been discouraged for a while now...it's getting a lot better. Reality is setting in...and I'm adjusting to it. Bozeman is not a bad place. Work is terribly difficult right now, but I don't want to leave here...just to leave. When I do go, I want it to be to a place that I'm excited about...a place that's right for me...a place that speaks to me...a place that fits. I'm understanding now that it's going to take some time. I'm okay with that. I have to look on the bright side. I'm raking in the overtime. I'm getting managerial experience (even though I hate it and never wanted it in the first place). I'm still in a great place with good people. I'm being allowed to hunt for a job while I have job security.

So there you go. We'll see what happens.

Remember when...

...you could go trick or treating without having to worry about sex offenders?
...you had to carve a pumpkin WITHOUT those fancy/schmancy pumpkin carving kits with intricate designs and teeny weensy saws?

I was thinking about those two things today. I've seen all kinds of news stories across the country on how to keep your kids from trick or treating at the homes of sex offenders. Really? I guess it's something to be concerned about but...it didn't used to be like that.

And then...I carved a pumpkin last night without using those kits. It was interesting. It turned out well though. I can't remember the last time I did it.

All in all...a good Halloween. I was busy, of course...but still good.

I had way too many mini Twix bars today.

Scanner Comfort

I remember a time when my parents had a police scanner in their bedroom. I've no clue why they ever bought it. A novelty...I guess. Regardless, it became a constant presence for them. They listened to it all the time. I believe (and correct me if I'm wrong mom and dad) it reached the point of necessity. The background noise soon lulled them into sleep every night.

I guess I'm taking after my parents.

The scanner now sits on my nightstand...always turned on. Weird, I know. But I can't help it. I like the noise now. I've come to recognize the distinct differences between every dispatcher in Bozeman. I have my favorites. One is playful and will subtlely joke with officers, deputies, troopers, paramedics, and firefighters. One is intense...with a firm, tension-laced voice inflection no matter what's going on. There's one guy among the group. He's the least descriptive...and I've noticed occasional annoyance on the part of the cops when he's on duty. One is very friendly and has a voice that can only be described as "sweet sounding." One seems like she loves the adrenaline that goes with her position. You can hear the edge in her voice when something big is going on.

I've been to the dispatch center before. I've seen some of their faces. But I can't match those faces to a voice. I've spoken personally on the phone with many of them in the course of my job. (In one case it was when I called 911 to report the neighbors were fighting). I'm fascinated with their work. There are certain nights when there is SO MUCH going on...I can't imagine how they're doing it. And the lingo....don't even get me started. I'm entranced by it.

There is also the benefit of hearing about news events as they happen. I know my station won't miss something if I'm constantly listening to the scanner. But that's a side effect. For me, I just like listening. I can see how the police scanner stayed in my parents bedroom for so long.

Lame

My blog has sucked lately. I'm not writing that much. When I do, I'm usually whining about work. Half the time, I have something profound to say but I'm not nearly articulate enough to put it into actual words...so I give up.

That said...let's talk about work again. Here's the update.

I received two bites from two different stations. One in Eugene, Oregon...another in Boise, Idaho. As far as I know, I'm still in the "we're interested in you but haven't made any decisions yet" phase. It's nice to have some interest out there. I'm courting both stations and waiting for someone to make a serious move. When that happens...I'll start seriously weighing my options.

As far as my current job...it's a doozy. My official title at the station in Bozeman is (and I'm not joking here...it's written this way in my contract) Interim news director/senior producer/anchor/general assignment reporter. My news director left on Friday. I'm temporarily taking over. I'm getting a little more money and lots of overtime. It's going to be exhausting...but I'm resigned to it.

As far as my knees go....I think things are starting to turn around. The first time I noticed a difference was last Thursday. I have less pain...my physical therapy routine is getting easier...and I can walk up and down stairs or carry heavy equipment without wincing. I'm still hearing crunching sounds in both knees (something called crepitice) but the pain isn't there all the time.

In other news...I'm excited for the snow to start falling. I want to get on my snowboard. Bring it on Mother Nature.

Murderous Reality

Murder is big business. Just watch CourtTV. Lately, though, I can't really understand why.

Consider this:
Someone, for whatever reason, decides to KILL another human being. They shoot them in the head. They stab them in the chest. They beat them with a hammer. Whichever way they choose to do it...they are KILLING someone. After that happens, the victim's family has to deal with it all. Think for a moment if your mother were murdered. It's awful right? And yet...a murder that doesn't affect us...is entertainment. Why is that? Why does a murder case capture our undivided attention. Why are we so interested and entranced by the aftermath. Why is that the more gruesome or unusual the crime is...the more we like to watch?

I've been thinking about this the past couple days as we cover 2 different murder cases at our station. One happened in Butte. A man was stabbed to death outside a bar. The other...in Bozeman. A suspected drug dealer murdered (allegedly) by two former MSU athletes.

I'm as guilty as anyone when it comes to liking this stuff. It's fun for me to be in the court room and hear the testimony. While not as dramatic as Law & Order, it's still a little bit like watching a TV show. I get excited. I want to hear the gory details...

...and then...

...I'm brought back to reality. I look to my left and see a woman sobbing...her husband holding her tightly as she tries to come to grips with the harsh reality of murder. The victim in the case is her son. This isn't entertainment for her. Her son's dead.

Pinch blogger

I sat down to write a meaningful blog entry...but I couldn't flesh out any idea that I had. So I'm taking something off Katie's blog that I really liked. Per her own post...this is not her creation. It was written my Horace Bushnell. I'm still combing over it looking for the nuggets of meaning I know lie within.

On a cold distant night
he stood outside glaring at the sky.

To the left were clouds,
hanging over his head and giving him a simple reminder
that life was far from perfect.

To the right was a clear path, a small glimpse of hope
that someday, somehow, he would muster up the energy
to finally allow himself to heal.

In an imperfect world where drama is the main attraction
there is only so much the soul can take.
We tell ourselves constantly that we are “tired” of the drama.
We continue to believe that the only way possible is to start all over.

Well at least he knew better.

Back in the day, drama was a word that had become an everyday part of his life.
His life had been filled with shambles
and his motivation fueled through bad life experiences.

He was out to please and prove.
He wanted them to know.
To see him as a person who not only mattered but deserved
to be worshiped in some way, shape, or form.

He knew exactly how he felt on the inside
and it was fear that kept him from displaying those deep emotions.
Being weak to him meant asking for help and that was simply not an option.

Because we can never quickly
realize how dramatic our lives can be,
we continue to create situationsthat become unhealthy and unloving.
We tell ourselves that being
angry, upset, or even jealous are normal
everyday feelings for the many moments in our lives.

We want to believe that we are always right
and that there is simply nothing wrong
and even if there were a problem,
we would much rather deal with ourselves.

We keep dramatic people in our lives.
People who serve little to no purpose but are always there
to make sure we fall hard without helping us get up.
We keep them there because it serves as a reminder.
We would much rather see someone else struggle
than to just admit our own defeats.

He looked over to the left, gazing at the sky,
remembering how those clouds had been formed.
There had been moments of self doubt along with
the false realization that life did not involve people.

As he looked over to the right
he began to see hope.
Hope for a better future.
Hope for remembering never to doubt himself again.

He knew that this process was far from over

oh yes he had been here before... patiently waiting...
The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.

:)

I took some time this evening to read through some previous posts of mine.

What a whiny, morose, little bitch I've been. Pardon my french, but....seriously.

I worry far too much. Things will work out. They always do. Everyone has problems. Mine aren't that unusual or special. Suck it up, Lincoln.

Um....one thing I have realized over the past few weeks is that I have very good friends. Most of them are far away...and I don't see them that much, but I get the feeling they genuinely like me. They support me. They care about me. Thank you Ron. Thank you Jessie. Thank you Kathryn. Thank you Katie. Thank you Beth. Thank you Jeff. Thank you Alyson. Thank you Jenny. Thank you everyone. I will try to be happier and more upbeat from now on. I'm sure this whole "job hunt" thing (and I think it may be a long, drawn-out process) will cause me to whine more in the future...but I will try to stop worrying.

Before I go...one other tidbit.

This week, I got to see a horse veterinarian collect sperm from a stud stallion. The best part? I was standing next to two women. After it was over one of them said, "Phew....I feel like I need a cigarette."

Ahh...good times.

Video Vault

I've been meaning to post these for a while but haven't gotten around to it. They were pointed out to me recently. I'm sure many people have already seen them. If not...enjoy. And if you have...they're worth another look.

Que sera

It snowed in Bozeman this past weekend. Yeehaw! Despite previous ramblings on this blog about a love of summer...I truly am I four-season kind of guy. I had an amazing summer. But I'm ready for the snow to fly. I want to strap on my snowboard and get on the mountain. Bring it on Mama Nature.

Thanks to everyone who offered words of encouragement after my last blog entry. I appreciate it. I really do worry too much. I don't know how many times I've worried about something, and then eventually, things...just...worked...out. You'd think I'd learn from past experience. Nope. Whenever there's turmoil I just want my puny little brain to make sense of it IMMEDIATELY.

I think I've discovered the root cause of all my inner discombobulation. While I want to find a new job, I don't want to be kicked out of my old one. I was afraid of the timing not working out. Hopefully, that will be resolved this week. I talked things over with my managers and we reached a tentative agreement. Now it just has to be set in stone. I feel good about it. I'm not so anxious anymore.

As for the job hunt...still only two bites. I'm still evaluating them. No hurry though.

On a side note...I made roasted asparagus with goat cheese, bacon, and sauteed mushrooms tonight. Delicious.

Scrambled Intuition

I hate inner turmoil.

On one level I recognize that it's good for us. It challenges us. It helps us to grow. It teaches us things we didn't know about ourselves; all good things...but it doesn't make GOING through it any easier.

The job hunt has taken a turn. I should probably describe it as a "turn for the better" but I'm not so sure. The fact that it's become "real" and filled with distinct possibilities is more than a little frightening. I've applied for 25 jobs across the country. I got two bites near the end of last week. The specifics aren't important right now. Things will play out over the next little while and I'll just have to see where they go. The big problem for me is what these prospects have done for my mental state.

I don't like it when I can't figure things out. I don't know whether my reluctance to leave Montana is some deep part of my soul telling me I should stay here....or simply a fear of change. It's making me question everything I thought I knew about the paths we take in life. Although not very religious, I've always felt guided in a certain way. I've always just assumed the places I ended up were where I was supposed to be. My intuition (a higher power if you will) has given me accurate directions. As a result, I've assumed I could decipher what my intuition was telling me. I'm not so sure anymore. I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision. That fear is compounded when I consider my decision-making track record. For the past 6 years it's been very good. I don't want to screw up the winning streak.

I'm trying as hard as I can to process everything. I don't know if it's working. Just wish me luck.

PFPS....

....stands for Patello Femoral Pain Syndrome.

That's why my knees hate me. It's not really a specific condition. It's the term they slap onto any knee pain that can't be easily diagnosed. Apparently...it's common. (Duh...knee pain is common. The generic term they apply to it is likely to be common as well). I started a physical therapy program on Monday. I was actually pretty worried about it. My left knee was really starting to crap out on me. I was out on a story (chasing around a little black bear that wandered into Bozeman) and I wanted to curl up and scream. I didn't think I could handle any type of therapy. But my first gym session went rather well. Hopefully, it will get back to normal. I just want to be able to hike again without wincing as I descend a hill.

This whole thing brings up a point that I've touched on before: My body is falling apart.

Let's recap shall we.
-I have the teeth of an 80 year old
-I have a slowly receding hairline
-I've had serious problems with my sinuses
-I get nasty, nasty blisters
-My right ankle is oh-so-very weak.
-My knees are giving me grief

Perhaps these problems didn't start within the past two years, but I had never noticed any of them until I moved to Bozeman. Maybe my love affair with Montana makes for a dangerous relationship. Maybe Montana is slowly killing me. Perhaps my health depends on me getting out of this state. Oh wait....I can't do that until I...find...a...job. That's still not going so well. Which brings me to...

....THIS

That will take you to a copy of my resume tape online. It just went up today. More tapes are being sent tomorrow.

Round 2

Okay. First I write a post showing off all the cities in which I've applied for jobs. Then I write a post explaining how the "how's the job hunt going" question was grating on me. And now, I'm writing a post about the latest round of tapes I've sent out. I'm a glutton for punishment. I've received zero responses from my first batch of tapes. Here's hoping round two goes a little bitter. Without further ado:

Boise, Idaho

Eugene, Oregon

Richmond, Virginia

Portland, Maine

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Rochester, New York

Winston-Salem, North Carolina

100% Pure New Zealand

I got on YouTube tonight to see what all the fuss was about with Sally Fields' Emmy acceptance speech. (Ridiculous by the way. I don't even see why it's an issue. Completely overblown). Anyway, I saw the following video featured on YouTube's main page. I'm posting this for no one's benefit other than my own. I spent 6 months in New Zealand a few years ago. I loved it. I'd go back in a heartbeat. I watched this video and got a little teary-eyed. I love New Zealand.

Guinness Goodness

Skeezix....thanks for the inspiration.

I've wrote of my attitude towards cooking and baking on this blog. It's not a question of whether I can cook. It's a question of whether I WANT to cook. I'm certainly no Bobby Flay, but if I want to get my grill on, I think I can hold my own. I usually never want to. That all changed last week when I saw this blog entry from skeezix. A chocolate cake made with Guinness? Intriguing.

I actually hate Guinness. I don't like dark beers. But in a chocolate cake....well, it just seemed fitting. So when the Bozeman newsies decided to have a dinner party this weekend I thought, "hey...let's give that cake a try.

It turned out well. It definitely wasn't as pretty as the one from skeezix. I need more practice making it. (The photo you see....I found that on the internet). But it was tasty. I made two of them...one was more of a trial run than anything else. I found that while I like the idea of a cake that's not too sweet....I need a frosting that's less centered around cream cheese. So for the second cake, I replaced part of the cream cheese with butter. Still a teensy bit too cream cheesy...but almost right.

All in all...a successful baking endeavor.

It was the perfect ending to Rob and Jeff's delectable bacon-encrusted meatloaf, Beth and Aaron's au gratin potatoes, spicy hot wings, and artichoke dip and Dave's salad. Next week is Italian. Anyone have ideas on what I can contribute?

Pandora's Box

"How's the job hunt going?"

I've obviously set myself up for that question. But I've heard it so many times in the last two weeks...that I'm becoming irritated.

I suppose that in the back of my mind I had convinced myself of my own greatness. I would send a few resume tapes out, everyone would call wanting me to work for them, and I'd make them fight over me.

Um.....not exactly. There's nothing like reality to humble a person.

I've had zero responses. In the grand scheme of things I guess that's normal. Ten tapes isn't a lot. But I had such high hopes. And now I'm left with the task of sheepishly responding to that annoying question. "Not so well."

Rest assured that if I do have a job prospect, I will let the world know. I know people have good intentions but please....spare me the task of looking you in the eye and explaining how, at the moment, no one wants me.

It's depressing.

Cleveland Rocks!

Climb the highest mountain in Glacier National Park. Check.

My vacation got off to a great start last weekend when I climbed Mt. Cleveland with Glacier buddies Ron and Andrew. Cleveland had been in my sights for years but in a park as big as Glacicer...there was always something else to do first. I had sort of resigned myself to not climbing it, but alas....we did it. Although awesome, it was by far the most grueling trek I've done in Glacier...simply because of how my body seemed to turn on me. I think I did some serious damage to myself on that damn Bridger Ridge Run back in August. I've never had problems with my knees until the run. I assumed it was temporary....that they just needed time to recover. It wasn't long before they were feeling fine. But just 6 miles into last weekend's hike, I felt the pain return. It stayed with me (in fact it got steadily worse) the 3 days and 2 nights we were in the backcountry. (My boots betrayed me as well...giving me 12 painful blisters). The last 5 miles on the last day were sheer hell...and that was WITH lots of ibuprofen. I'm not sure what's up. I'm going to the knee doctor this afternoon. I'm hoping my knees are just stressed out and not permanently damaged.

I digress.

I did have a lot of fun. Even with the pain and misery associated with backcountry hiking and camping, the rewards are great. I love the outdoors.

Ron and Andy traversing a goat trail beneath the Stoney Indian Peaks. Yes, there is a trail there. The precipitous drop looks worse than it really is.

Goofing off in the Belly River Valley

The rest of my vacation was just as great. I went home to Salt Lake for a few days. Unlike previous visits, I wasn't rushed. I didn't try to cram everyone and everything into two short days. I was relaxed. I was rested. I spent adequate amounts of time with everyone I care about. I had lunch with sarahbellum. (Pleasure to meet you Ms. Bellum. You were just as I imagined you...that's a good thing).

I even had time to get addicted to a new television show. What is it with the original series on Showtime, HBO and FX? Why are they always so good? I was lounging around at mom & dad's house, flipping throuhg the On Demand section on TV when I came across Dexter. Michael C. Hall (from Six Feet Under) plays a serial killer...who preys on society's evil-doers (murderers, other serial killers, etc.) Awesome show. I watched the entire first season. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Vacay was good. I'm rejuvenated for work. I'm ready to really dive into the job search. I'm glad I took that breather.

A breather

I'll be taking a breather for the next 11 days.

I'm going on vacation. I'm headed to Glacier for a backpacking trip...then I'm headed home to Salt Lake to spend some time with friends and family.

I'm having lunch with sarahbellum (if she's still up for it) at some point. Any other Salt Lake blog acquaintances interested?

In other news....

...All videos of me on the news (including my blue angels flight) have been removed from YouTube, and thus this blog. One was discovered by a higher-up in the company. I did not get in trouble. But I was asked to remove it because it was copyrighted material. I figured that would happen at some point.

I worked at our parent station in Missoula for the past two days. It was part of an employee swap. I traded places with one of their reporters. It was a good time. Their studio is sooooo NICE. But I like my gig in Bozeman...even if I'm not here for much longer.

I'm tired. I'm stressed. The job hunt still petrifies me. I need a break. I'm looking forward to this vacation. I don't think I'll be blogging while I'm gone. We'll see.

Later.

200

This is my 200th post. On one hand that seems like a lot. On another...it seems like a little, especially since I've had a blog for about 2 years. Hmm. Whatever.

My colleagues and I have been demoted. When I first came to Bozeman I was working in television market 193. (There are 210 markets across the country. They're ranked on how many viewers are in each market. For example, New York is number one. Chicago is three. Salt Lake City is 35. Butte & Bozeman are near the bottom of the list). I didn't care about that. I wanted to live in Montana. Plus, we have an excellent product for a small market TV station...much better than some stations in the country twice our size. A year later, we moved up to market 192. Woohoo!!! Movin' on up. Alas, this year....we've sunk to 194. I'm not sure why. Ask the Nielsen ratings people. Regardless, it's sort of depressing.

It's been one week since I sent out my first tapes. No responses. sigh.

I saw the movie Pan's Labyrinth over the weekend. Wow. Excellent film. It's one of those foreign films where you completely forget you're reading subtitles. The imagery is amazing. Although I can't get these two freaky characters out of my mind.

A Visual Employment Guide

As promised, I've started the job hunt. I'm feeling less ambivalent about leaving Montana. It will always be here. I can always come back. For now, I'm getting excited about the possibilities out there. I've sent out 10 resume tapes. They were quickly put together for the jobs I wanted to get a jump start on. Some of them are long shots....I'll freely admit that. But I saw the job listings and there was just "something" that spoke to me about each one. So I sent some tapes. I do have one definite favorite out of the whole bunch. I'll keep that secret for now. Here are the first cities I've officially applied to. (in no particular order)

Asheville, North Carolina

St. Louis, Missouri

Colorado Springs, Colorado

Orlando, Florida

Denver, Colorado

Manchester, New Hampshire

Portland, Oregon

Honolulu, Hawaii

Albuquerque, New Mexico

Madison, Wisconsin

Alas, there are no jobs available in Salt Lake City. I was about to apply for a reporter job at KSL but the position was filled by the time I got around to it. Maybe something will open up in the next couple weeks or months.

At a crossroads

I knew this was coming. Still, I feel woefully unprepared for it. For the past few days my mind has been filled with a stressful mix of reflection, hope, self-doubt, confidence, and uncertainty. I'm trying as hard as I can to make sense of it all....but my efforts are futile.

Tomorrow, I will officially start the "job hunt." My best effort at a resume tape (sure be revised several times in the near future) is complete. Applications will be moving through the postal system by mid-week. That said...I'm still as confused as ever. I'm trying to take three seemingly contradictory themes...and put them into some sort of order. It isn't easy. It's nearly impossible.

First...I love Montana. I don't know what it is about this state, but I'm hooked. I love the mountains. I love the people. I love the towns. I love the nooks & crannies. I love it all. I suppose I could be a Montanan for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. "So just stay there," you say. Ahh...if only it were that easy.

Second...While I love Montana, there isn't much keeping me here. I realize I'm terribly close to contradicting myself. I don't know how else to describe it. I've found wonderful things in this state but I've yet to find something BIG or SIGNIFICANT to keep me here. I have good friends. But that's not the same as a tight, close circle of friends. I have no significant other. I'm not looking for pity but in a sense...I'm a little lonely here. In other words...I need CHANGE. I'm not sure what kind. I just need some sort of change. I need to shake things up. I'm stagnant. Maybe a minor change, maybe a giant change. I just need some variation of it.

Third...I want to grow professionally. Small market television is....well...amusing to say the least. There's only so far you can take your abilities. I want to see what I'm made of. "So move on," you say. Ahh...if only it were that easy. This is where I go back to loving Montana. I don't know about city life. I'm extremely skeptical. I'm also skeptical of anywhere without mountains. I don't know if I can handle that.

So yeah...that's where I am right now. Perhaps no one will want me...and I'll be forced to stay in Montana to simply keep a job. Then again...that would also probably depress me.

Musings

"Technical difficulties".....the epitome of how a news anchor's lingo has become cliche. "We're having technical difficulties." Yeah, I said that tonight. Luckily (and surprisingly) it wasn't our station. It was "mom & dad" in Missoula. Our parent station couldn't put on a show tonight due to "technical difficulties" so we had to do it for them. Normally our viewing area is southwest Montana. Tonight we branched out into western and northwest Montana as well. I wonder if anyone there saw me, thought "who the hell is that?"....and then turned me off.

Beyond the fire line....I've seen many major wildfires up close. Intense heat, 200 foot flames, black skies, scared bystanders. It's really an awesome sight. What I've never done, until today, was visit the aftermath of a fire...just days after it burned through. I was escorted through parts of the Wicked Creek Fire to get video and interviews with homeowners. It was very cool. We were in an active fire perimeter so there were spot fires here and there that surprised us. Firefighters are amazing people. They have a tough job.

Choking Haze....speaking of wildfires, the entire state of Montana is burning. It's awful. Apparently Idaho is even worse off than we are. The combination of our fires and their fires is making for some MISERABLE air quality across the state. Montana is supposed to have clean, fresh air. Instead, we can't even see the mountains. Visibility today was a measly ONE MILE. My eyes hurt. My throat hurts. My sinuses hurt. We need some wind and rain...badly.

Still recovering....my recovery from the Bridger Ridge Run is taking longer than I anticipated. I have one nasty blister on my right foot that's causing me intense pain. I can't wear closed-toe shoes. I had to interview Montana Sen. Max Baucus and former Utah Governor Mike Leavitt the other day. Did I dress to impress? No. I wore my Chacos because my feet hurt so bad. Did they judge me? I don't know....frankly, I don't care. Also, my right knee is still pissed at me. I wake up in the morning and it's fine. But as soon as I start going down stairs or walking downhill it starts to ache. What do I do for that?

T-Minus 3 Months....I have less than 3 months to go on my contract. I'm excited, nervous, and ambivalent all at the same time. I love Bozeman. I love Montana. I love my job. I don't necessarily want to leave. At the same time, I'm fed up with "office politics," my meager salary, and the bullcrap of working in an atmosphere where the bells & whistles we should be able to afford...are sacrificed for profit. I'm working on my resume tape. It's stressful. I finally feel "settled down" in Bozeman. Pretty soon, I will uproot myself and move somewhere new. That's the recurring theme for the next three months or so.

Buenos Dias.

Crippled by Mountains

For nearly a year the Bridger Mountains have beckoned me. I usually leave the blinds in my bedroom open...giving myself a clear view of the Bridgers everytime I go to, or rise from, bed. Here's that view in winter.

For most of that year, I could look out my window, see the Bridgers, and smile longingly. This morning, I look out and think, "you suck."

I'm only kidding....sort of. I did the Bridger Ridge Run yesterday (read this post from a year ago for background) and this morning...I am unbelievably sore. My entire body hurts, but nothing is giving me more problems than my knees. It's as if they have a mind of their own, and for the time being, have decided it's not in their best interest to bend. When I force them to, they howl in protest. (It's hard to hear them because I'm howling in misery at the same time). Even if they could bend more easily, the 7 or so blisters on my feet are also hindering my ability to walk.

Despite the pain, the run was an oh-so-amazing experience. It was hard. I won't deny it. Harder than I had thought it would be. I've always said I'm not a runner. I am, however, a strong hiker. I figured my hiking skills would get me through. They did....but they also cost me time. I finished in 6 hours 36 minutes. I wasn't last...but I was certainly nowhere near the front of the pack. Out of about 250 runners, I finished about 200th.

I said yesterday that I wouldn't do it again. Even with my wobbly legs today...I'm not sure that's true. While I probably won't be living in Bozeman a year from now...I wouldn't mind coming back to take another shot at the run. I would like to finish under 6 hours.

A special thanks to mom and dad for driving up from Salt Lake just to see me cross the finish line. Thanks guys. I love you.

Trashiness - Part Deux

Sigh.

For the second time in 4 days, the cops showed up at my apartment complex. My downstairs neighbors got into a fight. I was ready to call the police as I saw three guys beating the crap out of another guy. Other neighbors beat me to it. I have a police scanner in my room for work and soon after the fight started, the first calls came in. What is it with some people?

Not in front of the neighbors

As I've mentioned before, I live in low income housing. I've tried to fight the stereotype that "trashy" people live in such shelter because....hey, I live here...and I'm not trashy. On top of that, I have a pretty nice apartment. Low income housing in Bozeman is far different than low income housing in Detroit. Still, the trashiness abounds. What's worse is that it always seems to happen when I have guests staying with me.

My friend Maureen (and her friend Katie) stopped in Bozeman for a couple days on their weeks-long road trip. We had all gone to bed Saturday night when we hear yelling in the parking lot. I get up, look out the window, and see my neighbors going at it in the parking lot. There's the man, holding a baby with one arm, fighting with his girlfriend. I didn't think about calling the police until he grabbed her shirt and ripped it off her with a force that scared me a little. Katie told me to call the police at that point...and I did. To make a long story short, the guy was carted off to jail for the weekend. I have no idea if he's out or not. The cops knocked on my door at 2 am to take our statements. What a bizarre night. I'm glad it's over.

In other news...

...my Blue Angels story continues draw attention. The reaction and feedback I've received has been astounding. I've come to the conclusion that people really do watch the local news....they just don't talk about it unless they see something completely out of the ordinary. I've had more people approach me in the past week, than I've had in the past year. The best was when a guy came up to me in the bar and said, "I've never watched the local news in my life. The one night I do...I see you passing out in an F-18. That was awesome."

It was awesome...and I'm still as grateful as ever.

I'm leaving on a jet plane....

I have to admit that until recently, I was completely unaware of the significance of the "Blue Angels." Sure, I'd heard of them. But I had no idea they had such a following. In the days before and after my Blue Angels flight, I've had several people come up and say, "wow, I am so jealous of you. You're doing something I've always dreamed of doing." I'm not really sure how to respond. There's a twinge of guilt in knowing that I flew with the Blue Angels...even though I'm not "part of the club" so to speak.

All I can say is that I'm a lucky guy...and I know that.

Without further adieu, here's the story I put together on my flight. I'd say it's probably my favorite story I've done while working in Bozeman. Have a look. It's pretty funny. I pass out several times.



Maybe I can ride with the Thunderbirds if they ever come to town.

Another one bites the dust

A year and 8 months at my station and I just sat through my 3rd farewell. Andrew Capasso had his last show tonight. He's moving on to a station in western Pennsylvania. I've scratched my head over many of Andrew's quirks, behavior, and work habits. At the end of the day though, Andrew is as genuine a person as I know. You can wonder where his head's at but you never have to wonder whether Andrew is really being Andrew. There are plenty of fake people out there. Andrew isn't one of them. I admire him for that. Andrew, we will definitely miss you. Good luck in all and go take Fox News by storm.

In other news...

....I took my Blue Angels flight today. Um............wow. I'm not even going to begin to describe it right now. My story will air Thursday night. I'll post it later that night. Let me just say it was the ride of a lifetime...and I'm a little embarassed. (NO, I did not throw up). I'll explain it all in my next post. For now, here's me before I left on the flight.

Have a good one.

Harry & G-Forces

I've finished the last Harry Potter book. Wow. Very, very good. I want to talk about it but I know there are people who read this blog that haven't finished the book. Therefore, I won't spoil it for them.

I will say two things. First, I expected a little more sadness. I think the fact that "major characters die" was built up to the point that people expected a bloodbath. And while there was some serious carnage, I thought there may be more. Second, I have loved these books. I know millions of people out there feel the same but I sometimes have to defend myself against those who don't "get" Harry Potter. I'm 27 years old and I love nothing more than descending into Harry's world and getting lost in it. It's amazing. It really is. I have so much respect and admiration for J.K. Rowling. I don't know how someone is so imaginative that they create such a richly detailed world. I make no apologies for being a Harry Potter dork. I'm sorry the series is over but...it was one hell of a ride. At least we have two more movies to look forward to.

Guess what else I have to look forward to? Tomorrow at 4 o'clock, I will by flying high above the skies of Bozeman in an F-18 fighter jet.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I have been chosen to fly with the Blue Angels. I was an alternate candidate in the beginning and I didn't think my chances were very good. But someone else was eliminated because of medical conditions and I got the call. I'm excited beyond belief. I'm hoping I don't vomit.

Wish me luck. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Blackhawk Cruisin'

Yesterday was another one of those days where I love my job.

I got to ride in a blackhawk helicopter. We were doing a story on a group called ESGR...or "Employer Support of the Guard and Reserve." It's an organization that helps national guard members and the employers they work for resolve differences that arise when a guard member gets deployed. Nearly 100 employers from around the Gallatin Valley were invited to attend. The helicopter rides were part of a big promotion for the whole thing.

Here's a brief video clip of the ride:



We went on a 20 minute flight over the Gallatin Valley...chopper doors wide open. It...was...awesome!

Now if only I can get that Blue Angels flight I wrote about a few weeks ago.

Desolation

Remember the creepy poplar tree farm I saw on my trip to Oregon? After driving home from Glacier on Sunday I've decided to make a tradition out of finding creepy looking places on my road trips.

It was early Sunday...I was only 20 minutes into my drive when I came upon this:

It looks like an abandoned school on the Blackfeet Indian Reservation. I can't put my finger on it but...I didn't like the looks of this place. Perfectly still, rusting playground equipment on dead, bone-dry grass. The group of horses huddled up next to the boarded up schoolhouse windows and doors didn't help improve the ambience.

Just a general creepy place. Agree?

Wilbur Ascended

This past Saturday, I climbed this:

It's Mt. Wilbur in Glacier National Park. The Blackfeet Indians know it as Heavy Shield. The picture doesn't do it justice. While not "super-tall" (9,321 feet) it nonetheless towers over the Many Glacier Valley. Whilst living there for 4 summers, I looked up at Wilbur dozens of times every single day...always wanting to stand on the summit. But because of its reputation for being somewhat of a sketchy climb, I always forewent Wilbur for easier peak bagging in the park.

No more.

The opportunity to climb the bad boy presented itself this weekend (with Glacier buddy Ron)...and I took it. I'm not gonna lie. I was a little anxious. Some people told me it was awful. Others said it was a piece of cake. Regardless, I did it. It wasn't awful...but it wasn't a cake-walk either. There were at least 4 times when I was legitimately nervous about climbing a particular section. This was one of them:

We didn't use ropes...and frankly we didn't need to. But there was plenty of equipment already stashed on the mountain for those who brought ropes or webbing. As we got closer to the summit the thought of coming down kept weighing on my mind. Most of those thoughts disappeared temporarily after getting to the summit and seeing these views:

Looking down on Iceberg Lake; Glacier mountains in the distance

The Many Glacier Valley (Look closely...you can see the hotel)

Ron & I on the summit

The trip back down was scary at times...but not as bad as I thought it would be. The worst part came near the end when we were almost back to the trail. Ron looked down the slope and saw two giant grizzlies foraging in the brush. We were a good distance away (a couple hundred yards maybe) and they didn't notice us. Unfortunately they were right where we needed to go. Eventually we started yelling in hopes of scaring them off. Didn't work. One of them just became curious and started to mosey on up the hill towards us. We took off at a brisk pace in another direction and ended up bushwhacking through alders, thimbleberry bushes, and aspen before finally reaching the trail...tired and sweating profusely.

All in all, it was a very good day. We ended it at the Park Cafe with a plate of nachos, a gypsy burrito, and a piece of strawberry-rhubarb pie.

We also saw this guy on the climb:

I zoomed as far as I could go so I lost some picture quality. But I still think it's an awesome shot.

I love Glacier.

Late Night

Yes, I saw "Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix last night.
Yes, it was a midnight showing.
Yes, I was giddy like a little schoolgirl.
Yes, I'm a "Harry Potter" dork.
Yes, the movie was excellent.
Yes, I missed boot camp this morning because I got home so late.
Yes, I have a crush on Hermione.
Yes, she's only 17.
Yes, I'm 27.
Yes, that may be wrong on many levels.
Yes, I'm excited for the 7th book to come out.
Yes, I'll be holed up in my room reading it.
Yes, I'm counting the days 'til Nov. 2008...when movie 6 comes out.

No, there's nothing wrong with me...at least in my own mind.

Best....video....EVER!!!

I would like to share something amazing with you. There are many "viral videos" circulating on the internet. It's not hard to come across one that entertains. But I have, without a doubt, stumbled on the BEST one out there. I know I saw it on somebody's blog. But for the life of me I can't remember where. Forgive me for the lack of credit I could be giving someone.

It's not actually one video. It's a whole series. Posting them all would be nearly impossible. So here are my three favorites. They're from the BlendTec company (based in Utah)...a company that makes blenders. They've come up with an ingenious marketing tool meant to show the world how amazing their blenders are. Have a look.







Is that not some of the coolest crap you've seen on the internet? Go to YouTube, search "Will it blend" and waste away the day seeing anything and everything torn to bits in a blender.

Oh...and the marketing works. I really want that blender.

What I learned on my trip to Portland

The drive from Bozeman to Portland is soooooooo much longer than I anticipated. Driving 27 out of the past 72 hours is not cool.

When I drive for a long period of time, the area between my spine and left shoulder blade starts to ache and then goes numb. That can't be a good thing.

Have you seen "The Hills Have Eyes?" The terrain in that movie is fairly scary and creepy. Hot, dry, rocky desert. I found the strange, arid, brown hill country of southeastern Washington to be just as creepy.

Guess what else is creepy? A poplar tree farm. Rows and rows of identical trees in perfectly straight lines. Sort of like a forest...but way too uniform and organized. Kinda cool but a little eerie. Take a look.

What's with the speed limit in Oregon? 65.....on a freeway!? Are you kidding me? I thought it was 75 everywhere. The highways were even worse...coming in at 55 and 60. Not nearly fast enough.

Lewiston, Idaho and the Tri-Cities area of southern Washington (Pasco, Richland, and Kennewick) all sort of smell funny.

I used to think Montana rivers (like the Madison, Gallatin, Missouri, Yellowstone) were impressive. That's until I saw the Columbia, Willamette, Snake, Lochsa, and Clearwater rivers. Freakin' huge.

I want to own a boat. I want to be a part of the boating/waterskiing/sailing/anything having to do with water sports culture.

I first drove through Spokane two years ago and came away with a less than favorable impression. I won't go too into detail but I rolled through town about 7 a.m. on a Sunday and encountered many creepy people (including a drugged up prostitute swaying back and forth while sitting on the sidewalk). But on my second trip through the city...things seemed better. The city seemed cleaner and more pleasant. Perhaps the town was waking up from a drunken stupor 2 years ago. I shouldn't have judged it so harshly.

From what I saw of Portland...I like it. I've questioned my taste for "city life" for quite some time now but I liked Portland. It was overwhelming at times, but I'm not against living there.

For months I have wondered how to say "Champoeg" State Park in Oregon. (That's where the wedding was held). Never did I consider the correct pronunciation was "Shampooey." Go figure.

The wedding itself was great. It was a small Glacier reunion of sorts. Good to see everyone. Here are some pics.

The bride and groom; Shelly & Jason, otherwise known as Shelson

A picture of Tim...taking a picture

Great photo of Shelly. (Nice job Jessie)

The Glacier clan

I'm tired. I spent way too much money on gas. The drive probably wasn't good for my car. The trip was way too short. But....it was all worth it. Good luck Jason & Shelly.

Independence Day Musings

This isn't the best picture of a bald eagle. But it's the best sighting of one I've ever had. It was about a month ago along the Gallatin River in Montana. I thought it was appropriate for today. Happy Independence Day.

There's a lot to be said for how screwed up our country...and world for that matter...is right now. I'm not going to argue with any of it. We're killing the earth. The population is exploding. Species are dying off. My view of the future is not optimistic. At the same time, I was driving to Big Sky this morning for breakfast...with a grin across my face. It's the 4th of July. The weather is gorgeous. Montana is beautiful. At least for a moment...all was right in the world.

I leave for Portland later today. Friends from Glacier are getting married. It should be a blast. A big Glacier reunion. I can't wait.

And finally, call me egotistical but I love this picture:

It's a picture of Jeanette's daughter playing in her grandparents living room. (Jeanette is a sales representative at our station). The picture was taken at just the right moment...capturing me on TV. Good times.

Have a good holiday everyone!