Settling In

I have to admit something.

Over the past few weeks as I've woken up around 2:30 in the morning to get ready for work, I've thought, "why did I do this to myself?"

Of course, the ungodly hour has played a big part in my...oh, let's call it uneasiness. But there have been other little things as well. A lack of self-confidence at work, the annoyance of not really knowing anyone here, not knowing my way around, dealing with new and difficult personalities at work...it's all tiresome and frustrating.

BUT...things are getting better. I had a great day at work today. I've gotten some good viewer feedback. My boss handed out some decent compliments (something I don't get the sense he does all that often). We solved the glare problem with my glasses. The "new & improved" morning show starts in two weeks. Starting next week, I won't be alone anymore on the anchor desk. I'm getting into a groove. Hitting my stride my take a while...but I see progress. Oh...and I've done some cool interviews. Last Friday it was Ty Pennington.


Things are slowly getting better on the homefront as well. I finally bought a real couch. I didn't mind living sparingly when I was working seasonally. But now that I'm living permanently in a big city, I'd like some nice furniture. My crappy Walmart futon just isn't cutting it anymore. Here's a picture (sort of) of what I bought. It's the same style but my sofa is a little longer and a nice green color. (Unfortunatley, I have to wait about 4 weeks to get it delivered. It took me forever to find one I liked so I don't mind the wait).

I'm still on a mattress and box spring with no bed frame. My clothes are still being kept in milk crates stacked on top of each other. But hey, a new couch is a start...right?

And last, but not least...a dog.

I don't have one yet...but I feel like that purchase is coming soon. Although winter is stubbornly holding on here in the Treasure Valley (very irritating), warm temperatures (when they occur) are bringing lots of people out and about. I'm seeing all the people outside with their dogs. I really, really want one. I think it's gonna happen soon. Still, it's a big commitment, and I'm a little nervous about it. I don't necessarily need a big dog, but I want one that can play in the mountains with me.

Of course, you can expect pictures of said dog when he or she joins my single household.

80's style

I borrowed this from several people. I encourage you to participate.


1. How old were you in 1980? I was born in March of that year.
2. How old were you in 1989? 9
3. Were you a Toys R Us kid? Yeah, but we went to Kaybee's too.
4. Did you watch Transformers? No.
5. Did you see E.T. on the big screen? No
6. Did you own a Lite Bright? I can't remember if I had my own or if I just played with my sister's.
7. When someone says ' Who you gonna call? ' You think? Duh...Ghostbusters.
8. What was your favorite toy? Hmm. This is a hard one. Probably my Micro Machines.
9. Did you have a Pogo Ball? Yup. I think it was yellow and orange.
10. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block? No.
11. Which New Kid did you have a crush on? None of them.
12. Did you play M.A.S.H? Yep. Many times.
13. Did you watch The Care Bears? No...but I had one when I was little.
14. Did you have Jelly bracelets? No.
15. Did you have a charm necklace and/or bracelet? No.
16. Did you own a glo-worm? No.
17. Did you ever own a slap bracelet? Yep.
18. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles? Sixteen Candles.
19. Did you have a crazy hair style? No.
20. What was your first bike? A yellow and black Huffy.
21. Name one thing you still own from your childhood? Nothing with me currently, but several items (including my Micro Machines) in storage in Utah.
22. Did you have a Cabbage Patch Kid? No...but my sister did.
23. Did you dress like Madonna? I hope not.
24. Did you watch Miami Vice? I remember one episode where one of the main character's wife or girlfriend died in an explosion.
25. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes? No...why are these questions geared towards girls?
27. Did you own a Trapper Keeper? Oh yeah...it was awesome.
28. Atari or Nintendo? Both...but mostly Nintendo.
29. Did you play Pac-Man? Yeah.
30. He-Man or She-Ra? Both.
31. What movie scared you the most? A Nightmare on Elm Street...I had many bad dreams involving Freddy Krueger.
32. Did you try to dance like Michael Jackson? I hope not.
33. What Is The First Thing That Comes To Mind When You Hear 'flux copassitor? I have no idea what that is.
34. What other colors did Pepsi come in? Crystal Pepsi of course. I really liked it...I don't know why it didn't catch on.
35. Roger Rabbit Or Howard The Duck? Howard the Duck...but only because I had a crush on Lea Thompson.
36. Did you ever beg your parents to have your school picture taken with the LASER background? No.
37. Do you know what the Ninja Rap is? No idea.
38. Favorite slang word(s)? i still (over)use? Dude, totally, and awesome.
39. Can you name the family members from National Lampoons Vacation movies? Hmm...I think the kids were Audrey and Rusty. I don't remember the parents names.
40. Did you have pump sneakers? No.
41. Did you own HYPER COLOR shirts? No.
42. Did you watch Smurfs? All the time. I wish it was still on.
43. What is the most annoying 80s style? Really high bangs.

Vexing Vision

I have never had such a problem with eyeglasses.

It started when I got to Boise, and my news director didn't like the glasses I had. I was okay with that. New glasses on the company? Why not? Unfortunately, they haven't worked out. They attract an enormous amount of glare in the studio...even with the anti-reflective coating that was put on them. Take a look.

I was immediately confused. I didn't have a problem with glare in Bozeman...and my old glasses seemed to avoid it in the Boise studio. Thus, I have become very good friends with the people inside Eyemart...a Boise eyeglass shop similar to Lenscrafters or Eyemasters. For the past three weeks, a woman named Shelly has diligently worked on the problem for me. She has watched every morning to study the problem. She's ordered 4 different sets of lenses...all with different types of anti-reflective coating...all to no avail. We just couldn't get rid of the glare. So we tried something new...different frames. Because my off-air glasses didn't have a glare problem, we figured the size of the frames (thus the size of the lenses) was the problem. I found some half-rim frames that were the same size as my off-air glasses. With much anticipation, Shelly put some lenses in those and we thought we'd be good to go. I wore them this morning. Still a lot of glare. Take a look.

We're trying one more thing tomorrow. Shelly adjusted the angle of the frames slightly. Seems like a minor adjustment, but I'm hopeful that will do the trick. If it doesn't, the next step is to adjust the lighting in the studio. That's sort of a problem because if they adjust it for me, there's a chance it could negatively affect the other anchors. We'll see.

If that's a no-go...I think contacts might be the solution. I hate contacts. I don't want to wear them. I like the way I look in glasses. But it may be the only option.

Stay tuned.

Now THAT'S a morning show

I took this job in Boise based in large part on the fact it was morning TV. Yes, there's some cheesy crap that goes on in the mornings. But it's free-wheeling and you learn quickly (that's my hope anyway) to be fun-loving, quick on your toes, and ready for anything. I'm still working on all that but at least I know the ingredients are there for the job environment I wanted.

This morning's show was packed. I've been anchoring alone for the past week or so due to the fact my co-anchor is ill. That said, it would have been nice to have some help but...it kept me moving.

First, an interview with two people on the dangers of online social networking websites and what parents can do to be more informed.

Then, I donned a kilt for "Wear a Kilt to Work Day." The Glenlivet Whiskey Company donated a thousand bucks to Direct Relief International for every on-air personality across the country who wore a kilt. I thought, "why not?" That's our main weather guy doing the bit with me.

And then...the best part of the morning: ice cream for breakfast. John Harrison, the main taster for Dreyer's Ice Cream was in Boise and he stopped by the show. This guy's a big deal. He's the man who invented the Cookies 'n Cream flavor...and dozens of other flavors over the years. His taste buds are apparently insured for a million dollars.

You can see the whole interview with him here.

It was a good morning. I'm still getting the hang of this thing but I'm happy with the progress made.

Oh...and tomorrow...we're bringing a live bull into the studio. Should be fun.

Idaho

I've had the following question asked of me countless times since I left Bozeman:

"How are you liking Boise?"

I'm always fairly reserved when I answer. This weekend, I realized why. I have no romantic notion of Boise...or the state of Idaho.

Utah...is Utah. The Wasatch Mountains are spectacular. Arches, Canyonlands, Zion...it's all enough to take your breath away. It's also home...which doesn't hurt.

Montana...is Montana. Glacier National Park is of course the cream of the crop. Missoula is awesome. Bozeman holds a special place in my heart. Just the name..."Montana"...stirs something inside.

Idaho....is what exactly? I never gave much thought to Idaho. When I was a kid, it was where we drove to buy lottery tickets. As an adult, it's the place I had to drive through to get to Montana. It was just always there. Now I live here. It's strange because every other place I've lived has held some special meaning for me. Not so for Idaho.

Don't mis-interpret me. I don't dislike it here. Boise is a cool, unique town that I'm looking forward to getting to know. On top of that, I grin at the prospect of exploring the backroads and mountains of Idaho this summer. I still have a good vibe about where I've chosen to plant myself for the time being.

But this is all a new experience. I'm learning to embrace a place...I never wanted to be. That looks bad when I write it out. It's not supposed to be.

"How are you liking Boise?"

It's fine. Give me time, and I think I'll like it a whole lot more.

28

At least I'm still in my 20's...right?
........................................................................
My weekend was very good. It started Friday morning when I got to cuddle with this little guy:

There are several advantages to being a morning news anchor...one of which is cute little animals in the studio. Was a bear cub the inspiration for teddy bears?

After that, I headed to SLC for the weekend. Boise is closer to home than Bozeman was...by about an hour and a half. My visit was supposed to be about friends and family...but upon arrival I immediately got sucked into this:

I was last home near the end of last summer. I sort of got sucked into the first season of Dexter when I found it in the On Demand section of my parents cable service. Damn good show. This time around, the second season was there waiting for me. Still a damn good show. It's clever. I like the characters. It's funny. It's dark. On top of all that, it's nice to see Michael C. Hall in another hit cable series. Great actor.

While I spent a lot of time watching 12 episodes of Dexter, I was able to catch up with friends. Kathryn and I took part in our irregular Olive Garden tradition. It was more introspective and thought-provoking than previous outings. Instead of talking trash about people (there was of course a little of that) we discussed how we were both getting older and how "serious" adulthood is. Blech. Good talk though...with a good friend. But the icing on the cake (literally) is what the waitress did for me.

Remember this?

It was a little under two years ago when I lamented the loss of Chocolate Lasagna at the Olive Garden. This past weekend I asked our waitress about my long-lost dessert friend. She had started working there right after they took it off the menu. Then she said, "but it's still here." My heart skipped a beat. "I mean we don't advertise it," she said. "But technically we still have it. We just use it as a birthday cake now." She explained that the little cake they give to people on their birthday is essentially the same recipe as chocolate lasagna. Seeing as how my birthday was just a few days away...I got a cake. It's certainly no chocolate lasagna. There's fewer layers of sweetened lard (ahh...the good stuff in life) and the texture of the cake is different. But I feel like it was similar. Perhaps I just convinced myself it was good because I miss chocolate lasagna so much. I savored every bite. Welcome back you dumbed-down version of chocolate lasagna. I missed you. Although I wouldn't mind if the real dessert made a real return.

Kathryn and I then spent some quality reminiscence time. We looked back at old hand-written notes that we had sent each other in high school. I looked through long-forgotten emails that we'd written. I'm glad that kind of stuff was saved. I didn't expect it but by reading through all that stuff...I gained some much needed clarity about where I am in life at this moment. It's hard to explain. But I think looking back at such detailed recollections helps you to place yourself more firmly in the present.

Sunday was all about family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and everyone else. It was good to see everyone. My family is crazy. I think most families are. But still...I enjoyed spending time with them.

All in all...a great weekend. Monday sucked...but hey, Mondays always do. Tuesday was good. We did a mock run through of our new and improved morning show...set to launch in April. I'm a little nervous. It's much more personality-driven than the current show. I'm wondering if I have enough of a personality, or even a likeable one at that, to pull it off. We'll see.

Blah

Sometimes I see this blog as a chore.

It weighs on my mind when I haven't written anything. I start to feel guilty as the days go by without a new post. I look at other blogs and marvel at the ability of some people to post something every day. I just don't have the motivation. Hell, my life's not interesting enough for a daily entry.

As of late, I'm just not in the mood to write.
Oh well.
It's really not that big of a deal and I need to feel less guilty about it.

That is all...I'm going to bed.

Musings

It's been a while.

Hair Scare:
So I had two haircuts in three days recently. I went to one woman who had some "different" ideas for me. With me being the non-confrontational person that I am...I sat there and smiled weakly as she explained why the poofy, 70's-style haircut she'd just given me looked good. Luckily, she didn't cut much off. Therefore, I was able to schedule another appointment at a different place. I'm now happy...for the most part. I've pretty much always hated my hair but I'm content with where it's at now. The next big challenge: what will happen as my hair continues to thin. Aging sucks.

A Night Out:
I know getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing in many regards. However, I think it's important to admit there are simply things you "just don't like." I don't like bars. I went out the other night thinking I would "try something new." In reality, it wasn't new. I have the same thought every single time I go out for a night on the town...thinking, "maybe tonight, I'll have fun." I didn't. I don't. I'm perfectly okay with having drinks with friends. "Going out" and all it entails...just doesn't appeal to me.

Time Warp:
I normally welcome the change to daylight saving time. But it's different when you're supposed to go to bed at 7 p.m. I find darkness really helps...and darkness will be in short supply over the next several months.

Lifestyle:
I like working in TV. I really do. But the more I think about it, the more my ideal lifestyle seems to take me in a different direction. I want to play outside, with friends, and not be poor. Does anyone have any idea how I can accomplish that? Let me know.

Target

I figured this would happen eventually.

Every one of us has sat at home and made some wise-ass remark about the people we see on TV. I know I've done it. Hell, I still do it. "Spit it out," I'll say when some other news anchor is having trouble with their words. Never mind the fact that I've had to "spit it out" myself many times. Or you look at a news anchor's clothes and wonder what the hell they were thinking when they got out of bed in the morning and got dressed. For whatever reason, we like to throw little barbs at the people we see every day. In terms of what I was aware of...I avoided the criticism in Bozeman. I'm sure people said things about me while in the privacy of their own home. But it never got back to me.

My free ride, however....is over.

There is a local bar in Boise with a website. On that website are message boards. Within those message boards, the "regulars" love to crucify those on the local news. I read through quite a few of them this weekend and it can get brutal. I received my first scathing remarks shortly after my first day on the morning show.

I am certainly not the only target. People say some nasty things about a lot of people here...on every station. And for the most part, it's not actual criticism. Instead, they throw out mindless insults intended for shock value. In a world where I did something else for a living, I probably wouldn't give much thought to this crap. On occasion, I might even join in. But when you're the person it's directed towards...things are a little different.

Still, I'm not that bothered by it. In all honesty, my first reaction was to smile when I saw it.

I just hope no one sees me on the street and throws food at me...like they did to Nicholas Cage in "The Weatherman."

Rare Opportunity

I have nothing important to say. But honestly, how often do I get the chance to post something on February 29?

A question:
Is today leap day?

I know this year is a leap year. But do we call the actual extra day "leap day?" That just sounds funny to me.

Whatever. Happy Leap Day.

That's all I have to say.

Day 1

It's good to have the first day jitters behind me. Things went pretty well this morning. There were a few hiccups and I did have one "duh" moment, but overall...my debut on the anchor desk went pretty well. I apologize for the pictures above. They're a little blurry. My camera was being stupid and wouldn't focus. But it gives you an idea of what the studio looks like.

The basics:
There's a lot more ad-libbing than I'm used to. That's a good thing. It's always been something I need to get better at. But it's a little challenging now.

My glasses, since so many people were interested, aren't that different than my old ones. I'll probably just use them for TV, and keep wearing my old ones.

I'm excited about this job. There's a lot of potential here...and I can't wait to really take the show in my own direction.

So, if you're ever in southwest Idaho, and you're up between 5 and 7 a.m., tune in...I'll be there.

Early Riser

I'm not really a big fan of this whole "morning" thing. It would be one thing if I had to get up at 7, 6, or even 5 o'clock in the morning. But 2 am? Come on. It's not easy. I know I need at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep. The problem is actually going to bed early enough the night before. Going to bed at 10 is early for me. But if I did that, I'd get 4 hours of sleep. So I should go to bed at 7, right? In theory, that's a good idea. But in practice, it doesn't work. I can't do it...no matter how tired I really am. I figured I would wake up early one day, suffer through an extremely tiring work day, fall asleep early and thus...reset my sleep cycle. It didn't work. Maybe I need some pharmaceutical assistance. Perhaps some Ambien or something. Can I just walk into a doctor's office and get that stuff? I have no idea.

In other news....

...I officially start the morning show tomorrow. I was supposed to start it today but my news director didn't like my glasses. He said they "closed off my eyes" too much. I have no idea what that means. Regardless, we went shopping for new glasses and found some I really like. They'll be ready today. So I should be good to go. I'm slightly nervous. Definitely excited. A little unsure of myself. But here goes nothin'.

And one last note....I'm finally getting DVR. I've sat back in envy as friends have maximized their TV viewing with DVR or Tivo. Now I'm joining the ranks. I'm pretty excited. There's a possibility it could turn me into an even bigger couch potato than I already am...but it's worth the risk.

Observations

Some things I've noticed about myself and my surroundings...as I get used to my new environment:

I'm back in school again.
I feel inexperienced, ill-prepared, and sometimes clueless. I never claimed to be a know-it-all. But I got used to not being questioned at my job in Bozeman. People looked to me for answers, advice, and clarification. My, how the tables have turned. My work is now under scrutiny. I'm being challenged. I'm being questioned. I'm being criticized. Deep down, I know this isn't a bad thing. It's helping me learn. It's helping me become better at what I do. But it's certainly humbling.

Politics are everywhere.
It doesn't matter where you go. It doesn't matter what you do for a living. Workplace politics are everywhere. Conflicts abound. People have strong personalities. No place is perfect. A couple short weeks in the newsroom, and I seem to have seen it all.

Traffic sucks.
I used to think traffic in Bozeman was bad. Now I know I had it easy. Although Boise isn't the biggest city out there, the traffic can be a nightmare. I'm just not used to urban commuting. I'm finding myself getting frustrated very easily.

Sugar beets stink.
There's a sugar beet factory not far from the station. I know nothing about the way sugar beets are processed. All I know is that it fills the air with a sickening sweet stench. It's a smell hard to describe. Just know that it's awful.

Weather changes fast....EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever been somewhere where the weather changes quickly and someone says, "That's _____ for you." They'll insert the place where they live and somehow they think the phenomenon of rapid weather change is unique to them. Guess what? It's not. I've seen it everywhere I've been. Quit claiming it as a unique badge of honor.

Despite the tone of this post, I'm not complaining. Overall, I'm pleased with how things are going at work. I'm excited about the next two years and what I can accomplish. I get a good vibe from Boise and I'm looking forward to getting to know the place. I just tend to dwell on my frustrations more than anything else. It's a bad habit.

Digging in

The first week is over.

I'm happy about that. I hate those first few days at a new job. You feel useless and under-utilized at the same time. You pester everyone with questions. You have opinions...but you're not confidant enough in your new setting to back them up.

For the most part, that's all over. I made it through the first week and I think I proved myself. There's much more work to be done, but I know everyone was holding their breath...waiting to see how I'd perform under pressure. I was thrown to the wolves on Thursday. For those who've been at the station for a while, it wasn't anything extraordinary. For me...the pace was challenging. This is all TV talk, but I did three stories in one day. I never had to do that in Bozeman. Yes, I have a photographer now. (no more shooting my own stories). Yes, I have an editor now. (no more putting them together myself). Still, it was a little overwhelming.

I'm solely a reporter for the next two weeks. After that, I start the morning show. I can't wait. I'm really excited for it.

Besides work, there's not much else going on. I've been busy getting things settled in my apartment. Overall, I get a pretty good vibe from Boise. I'm still nervous about planting myself here. But it seems like a good place. It's clean. It's beautiful. (although the mountains here just can't compare with those in Montana and Salt Lake). The people are friendly. I'm realizing early on that the only thing that would stop me from enjoying this place...is myself. I'll try not to let that happen.

One last thing...completely unrelated to life in Boise. Does anyone know if the following video is real?

Odds & Ends

Four full days in Boise.

Actually, that's not true. I've spent most of the past 4 days in Nampa...a suburb about 20 miles west of Boise. I'm not sure what to think of Nampa. My natural distaste of suburbia is probably the biggest factor in my view of the town. However, my hotel is here, my work is here, and like it or not...I'll be spending a significant amount of time here.

I have been to Boise several times. I found an apartment on Thursday. I move in Wednesday evening. It's pricier than what I had envisioned, but it was also love at first sight. It's a nice complex, newly renovated, right on the Boise river. It's also close to downtown and Boise State University. I'm excited about it. I'll post some pictures when I move in and get settled.

I did a little exploring...walked around downtown, drove up to Bogus Basin, searched for the big box stores and fast food restaurants I'm bound to visit in my time here. Now all that's left is to start working. That's tomorrow. I won't start the morning show for a couple weeks. Other than that, I have no idea what's in store for me. I'm excited though. I really need to start working. I'm getting antsy. It's amazing what effect a little downtime can have on your self-confidence. The more I dwell on what it's going to be like, the more I think about the possible mistakes I'm going to make.

Goodnight, Montana

I drove out of Montana in September 2005 not expecting to return. My 4th and final season in Glacier National Park had come to an end. Though thoroughly saddened by the fact my “seasonal life” was over, I knew it was time to let go. I knew there were other things waiting for me. I understood I had to close one chapter before I could begin a new one. Still…that drive wasn’t easy. For 5 hours, as I moved north to south, I reflected on what the previous 4 summers had meant to me and how they had changed me. It was an emotional ride. The final outburst came as I crossed the border into Idaho. “Goodnight, Montana,” I said aloud. “I know I’ll be back…but our relationship will have changed.”

I arrived home in Salt Lake feeling overwhelmed. I knew I was headed in a brand new direction. But there were no specifics. Instead I had to feel around a little, take a few missteps, and find my own way. In retrospect, it didn’t take long. Within a month and a half of coming home, I was back in my car, driving on the highway to, of all places, Montana.

Good fortune, divine intervention, luck, “meant-to-be”….I don’t care what you call it. I was just incredibly happy to begin my “new” life in my “old” place. It’s funny how you can look back and view a time in your life as being much better than it actually was. Overall, I had a great time in Bozeman. But I’d be lying if I said it was easy. In the beginning, I would often focus on how much time was left on my contract. One month down. Two months down….and so on. I just wanted my two years to be finished. It’s somewhat difficult to explain why. Bozeman was the first place I had ever lived where a social structure wasn’t built in. It’s not easy to make friends in an unfamiliar place…at least not for me. Frankly, I was uncomfortable and lonely in the beginning…and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I guess that’s why I wanted it to just be over. To be clear, it wasn’t a matter of wanting out of the situation. It was a matter of wanting to have made it through…without the necessary effort.

Things slowly got better. Again, I won’t lie and say my social life here is amazing. But I did meet people. I made friends. I got comfortable. Dare I say…Bozeman even started to feel a little like home. I can look back on this process of adjusting to a new place…and call it a learning experience. I can take what I learned here and try not to make the same mistakes in Boise. I think I’ll be okay.

While I muddled my way through the new challenges in my personal life, I feel like I thrived professionally. I’m the little kid who wanted to be a news anchor. I knew it at 5 years old. For some reason, it was something I was always drawn to. To see that dream realized was surreal. To actually do the work was validating. I remember how I felt the very first night I anchored the news. When I look back at it now…I’m a little embarrassed. I was nervous. I was very green. I was stiff. It shows. But still, I knew I did well for the level I was playing on. I called my parents after the show. My mom said, “Well? How’d it go?” With a big grin on my face, I said, “I was born for this.” I know it’s cheesy. I know it’s corny. I know I’m a dork. But I was really, really happy. I felt validated. That validation only grew. I made an impact here. I impressed people. I did good work. I made myself proud. A first job in this business is supposed to be your proving ground. I proved myself. I’m not blind to the fact that there is much, much more to learn. But I think I built a very sturdy foundation in Bozeman.

My next drive out of Montana will be today. I’ll probably cry like a little girl. I’m not sure if I show it or not…but I suspect I’m much more emotional and sentimental than most people think. It’s hard not to be. Over and over and over again…I’ve waxed poetic about Montana. I can’t help it. Everything I’ve found here has been good. It healed me emotionally. It nourished me physically. It helped me socially. It grew me professionally.

The only thing left to do is say thank you. Thank you to the people I met here. Thank you to God for putting me here. Now it really is time to move on. Not because I want to. Not because I even have to. But simply because the time is right.

As far as Montana is concerned, David Walburn said it best in song.
“…you can never say goodbye to her, you can never say goodbye….just good night”

So that’s what I’ll say. Goodnight, Montana. Goodnight.

Flattered

And it's over.

I had my last day at work yesterday. I'm completely flattered and overwhelmed with the fond farewell I received...not only from my co-workers, but my competitors at the other station in town.

Below is a video clip of what both stations did for me. A quick note of explanation: my friend Beth used to work with me at my station. She left last fall to work for the other guys. As a result, she's contractually restricted from appearing on TV for a period of 6 months. Nonetheless, they came up with a clever idea to allow her to say goodbye to me. Profiling me on their station was a flattering and kind thing to do. Thanks guys. It means a lot.

As for my station, they sent me off in style. Thanks to them for that. I'm gonna miss everyone. I'll write a final Montana post tomorrow as I head out of town. Now I gotta pack like a madman.

Enough is enough

I wrote this a couple months ago.

I'm taking it all back. Facebook is not better than MySpace.

Don't get me wrong. My relationship with Facebook started out promising. But my how it has fizzled. What went wrong? Consider this comparison. You start dating someone new. In the beginning it's hot, it's exciting, it's all you ever wanted. But as time wears on, the excitment wears off. Soon you discover the little annoyances you failed to see at first. Before you know it, you're completely irritated...and the relationship is over.

So goes my relationship with Facebook. I was excited about it when I first signed up. But now, I'm just irritated. I'm sick of all the "applications." I don't want someone to test my movie knowledge. I don't want to join a game of Scrabulous. I don't care how sexy my name is. Those are just a small portion of the applications I've been asked to add. For the record, I've only allowed two: Oregon Trail (because seriously, how could you not like Oregon Trail) and Skiers vs. Snowboarders. But do I really need 4,500 (that's how many Facebook applications actually exist) to choose from?

I did a little research and found that I'm not alone in this. One blog out there called all the applicatons a "cornucopia of uselessness." Ditto.

I'm not ridding myself of Facebook. I've found people on there I never would have been able to track down. But the love affair is over.

I'm rekindling the romance with my original flame...MySpace.

Happy Birthday

Today was my dad's birthday. I didn't call him. Sorry, Dad.

I really didn't forget. I thought about it several times today. It's just that whenever I did remember it, I was on some sort of deadline for work. And whenever I experienced a lull...I forgot about it.

So Happy Birthday. Thanks for all the help (financial and otherwise) over my past 28 years. Just because I'm getting a new job and I'll be making more money...doesn't mean that has to stop. :)

GBH

I've written before of my complicated relationship with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Refer to that post for details and background.

With that mentioned, I was genuinely saddened to hear that Gordon B. Hinckley had died. Despite my criticisms of the church, I saw in him a little of what I've always found hard to see in Mormonism; compassion without judgement. I always got the sense that he walked a bit of a tightrope...upholding church doctrine while legitimizing and recognizing different viewpoints.

Perhaps others didn't see him that way. I did...and my gut always told me he was "good guy." I'm sorry to see him gone.

Powder, birds, & guts

I've snowboarded many times. I worked two full ski seasons at three different resorts in three different states. I've had my fair share of powder days. But nothing I've experienced so far compared to this past Saturday.

This is what it looked like in Big Sky. That's a car under there. Bad news for that car's owner. Good news for me. The riding was unbelievable. At least 2 feet of fresh, dry powder for the taking. The best part? Big Sky isn't like many other resorts. Even on a Saturday powder day...the slopes are crowd free; one advantage of being in a remote part of Montana. It was one of the best riding days I've ever had. It came at just the right time, too. Severe winter weather blew in today. It's supposed to -10 tonight with a wind chill approaching -25. The front steps of my apartment have disappeared...replaced by a four foot high snowdrift.

Speaking of just outside my apartment, check out this photo:


I walked out of my building a couple weeks ago, looked up, and stopped dead in my tracks. Ravens, ravens everywhere. I felt like I was in "The Birds." I counted 40 altogether. And finally, speaking of animals, don't you just love seeing a gutted, split-open elk on the back of a pickup in front of you on the freeway?

I was trailing this guy for a while wondering what the hell I was looking at. I finally got close enough to identify the rib cage. A freshly killed, freshly gutted elk.

I'm gonna miss Montana.

"...and all the rest of dear old West..."

Aging sucks.

I'm nearly 28. By the time my contract ends in Boise, I'll be nearly 30. I think of those numbers and while my face wrinkles into a frown...it's still hard to wrap my mind around them.

Mention my 10-year high school reunion...and it's a different ballgame.

I was on the phone with a friend yesterday when she said, "you're going to our reunion right?"
"What reunion," I said.
"Our high school reunion. Our 10-year high school reunion."
"What!? But that's not 'til 200-." That's when I gasped. "Oh my God. It's 2008. I graduated 10 years ago?"
"Yeah you did."
"Oh my God, I'm old."

There you have it. My 10-year high school reunion is this year. I'm only turned off by the fact that it's been 10 years. Unlike many, I'm okay with actually going. I haven't gotten fat. I'm not bald. I have a respectable/unique/interesting job. I've done fairly cool things in the time I've been out of high school. I like seeing old friends. I think it'll be interesting.

But damn....I'm getting old.

Gramically?

I'm sorry Beth. I must blog about you and your quote today. Please forgive me.

So Beth and I were chatting on the phone. We were talking about someone who has a hard time reading and writing coherently. In all seriousness, Beth pulls out this zinger:

"Nothing they write is gramically correct."

Ahh...good times.

In other news....

....my reign of terror officially ends tomorrow. I am no longer interim news director at my station. Woohoo! The new news director starts tomorrow. Granted, he'll have an adjustment period and yes I'm leaving soon anyway but oh man...it still feels good not to have intolerable levels of responsibility.

My last day is three weeks from yesterday. It hasn't sunk in yet.

A Dog's Life

I am a big baby.

I've teared up before while watching a sad movie, hearing a sad song, or reading a sad book. But never have I cried so much as I did when I finished "Merle's Door."

I had never even heard of the book. I was browsing the shelves in Borders and happened to see it. I read the inside jacket and thought, "I should buy this." So I did.

Wow. I can't believe how much if affected me given the fact that I've never owned a dog. If you get a chance, read it. And if you're making fun of me for crying...you'll be singing a different tune when you finish it. I promise.

New Adventures

Boise it is. Here goes nothin'.

I don't know that I've ever had such a tough time making a decision. Of course, I never had to make one as seemingly important as this one. In retrospect, it was Boise all along. I could see that. It was just a cloudy view. I had to suffer through the haze until things cleared up.

Still, even if I did know what I wanted deep down, it was not an easy decision. How do you casually decide to leave something that isn't necessarily bad? How do you know when to walk away from something good? Those are always the hardest steps to take. You know it's right...but you know following through is going to hurt. It's a tough pill to swallow.

I know I'm constantly fawning over Montana. Some don't understand it. Others are sick of it. Still others just think I'm crazy. But you have to see it like I see it. I came here as a broken 22-year-old. Montana, and everything I found here, healed me. How can I not have deep, unwavering affection for such an all-encompassing salve?

Still...it's time to go. You can expect me to wax poetic over the next month. I'll probably drive out of this state sobbing like a baby....but I suppose tears of nostalgic reflection are the best kind of tears to cry.

p.s. thanks to everyone who cares

Decision Time

Wow. I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry. I actually do feel bad when I slack off. The guilt was eating away at me. But, as stupid as it sounds, I didn't want to write anything until there was some certainty as to what I would write about. That certainty has arrived. Now it's time to choose.

vs.

I got a nice present on Christmas Eve. The news director in Boise called and offered me the job. I was genuinely excited...yet still conflicted. For days, I'd been wondering about a specific job with my current company....in Missoula. Although it wasn't actually open, the timing and circumstances were such...that the possibility was there. I was terrified of accepting the Boise job...and finding out days or weeks later that the Missoula job could have been mine if I'd stuck around. I finally just said to my bosses, "Hey. I want this. If I can't have it...that's cool. Just let me know so I can accept something else without hesitation." They let me know. The job wasn't available. I was relieved....

...until they brought up the prospect of something else.

The possibility had been presented to me before. I wasn't terribly excited about it, but I never firmly discounted it either. When it was presented to me again, I said, "Okay. I am, at the least, interested. But I need to make a decision soon. Let's talk." We talked today. In all honesty, I was curious about a salary. The figure they quoted.....was surprising. It was higher than I had imagined. And now I'm left with this question: Should I stay or should I go?

Either way, I'm leaving Bozeman...probably by the end of this month. But should I go to Boise or Missoula? From a purely career standpoint, Boise is the better move. From a lifestyle standpoint, Missoula trumps Boise. However, neither perspective outweighs the other to the point of my choice being easy and clear.

I put together a rough pros and cons list earlier tonight. Didn't help much. Both choices had many pros. Both had few cons. Both jobs offer new adventures. Both offer new challenges. Both jobs offer growth. But in comparing Boise and Missoula...it's all a matter of degree. EVERYTHING about Boise is new. In Missoula, I can experience new things as well, but with a certain degree of familiarity.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

'Tis the season

Geez. Long time, no post. Sorry about that. (as if anyone cares).

The past week and a half has flown by. Work, as usual, has been a rollercoaster ride of exhaustion, exhiliaration, soul-sucking annoyance, and success.

There's no serious movement in the job hunt. I'm waiting to hear back from Boise. It could be any day now.

In the meantime, I've tried to get into the Christmas spirit. I won't be going home this year. :( That's sad. I do, however, have a Christmas tree that I cut down myself. It took a while to get it decorated but here it is.
Those are Glacier National Park ornaments. (I know...I'm a dork). I figured a bear tree topper would be ideal.

I also went to a Christmas party this past weekend. Some photos:

The Jewish sports guys and their Manischewitz wine

The "CBS Girls." Right women...wrong station

Jerrita & I. She brings some southern flavor to Montana

Saboe and I...I forget she's a traitor when she wears a big bow

One Christmas tradition I have not delved into...Christmas shopping. I'm sorry folks. I'm not buying presents for anyone. I'm poor. I have no time. Don't waste your money on me.

I'm going to bed now. And I'm sleeping in tomorrow...for the first time in a long time.

Bozeman to Boise?

I went.
I saw.
I'm intrigued.

There's the summary for my Boise trip. I don't really know what else to say.

There were no moments of "Wow!!! This job is perfect for me!" At the same time there were no thoughts of "hmmm....I'm not so sure about this." Simply put, I don't know what to think.

The Pros:
The people at the station were amazing. Everyone was friendly, welcoming, and genuinely interested in talking with me. The station, obviously, is a big step up from where I am now. More toys, more people, more money. The job I interviewed for is a great opportunity. Good position to jump to. Decent pay. Well-balanced workload. The station "looks" great. Vibrant, professional, fast-paced way of delivering the news. Graphics are beautiful. They recently won an Emmy for best newscast in their region.

The Cons:
A jump from where I am now...but within their own TV market (competing against 3 other stations), they face lots of challenges. Boise is very big and unfamiliar. I know this is to be expected but still, it discouraged me a little. The station faces some financial hurdles.

....you know what? This is stupid. As I write this I'm realizing it really is a great opportunity. Simply writing down the pros and cons has cleared things up a lot. Who knew I'd have some sort of epiphany while writing this post. I'm convinced my biggest reservation is fear of the unknown.

Granted, I have not been offered a job. They have other candidates to interview as well. But if things go my way, there's a very good chance I'll be in Boise within a couple months. Time will tell.

Sicky Sickerton

I'm sick.

I called in sick to work on Monday. I went to work Tuesday. Anchoring for just 10 minutes at 6 o'clock really did a number on my throat and voice. By the 10 o'clock show...it was worse. Before the show started there was a nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "you shouldn't be doing this." I did it anyway. It wasn't good. I kept it together for the most part but I was talking very quietly, my voice was shaky, and I was swallowing in the middle of sentences.

I woke up this morning and called in sick again. I sat home, pretty much all day, doing nothing. It's been okay...if not extremely boring. I've been doing a lot of thinking today....not all of it productive.

I leave for Boise this Sunday. I'm excited. A little nervous too. What if I hate it? What if I like it? What if I hate it and they desperately want me. What if I like it and want them to desperately want me? What if I'm indifferent?

Another strange opportunity popped up this week. A job in Topeka, Kansas. A good job...with a good salary. I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking the same thing. Kansas? Still, something about it made me think, "don't rule this out just yet." We'll see where that goes.

I'm solidly addicted to 4 reality TV shows. A Shot at Love with Tela Tequila, Keeping up with the Kardashians, I Love New York 2, and The Girls Next Door. Frankly, I'm falling in love with Tela myself.

I hate the fact they took pseudoephedrine out of over the counter cold medicines. Screw the meth heads...it's the only thing that works for me. I know I can still get it from the pharmacy, but they weren't open at 10 o'clock the other night.

Christmas is coming? It might as well be January. It's a shock that I actually have a Christmas tree in my apartment. I'm just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. It's not that I'm being a grinch and Christmas is pissing me off. I simply haven't noticed it. I haven't given a single thought to presents, decorating, Christmas shopping...nothing.

I'm sort of missing Utah. I think it's because I was watching the Dick Nourse and Michelle King farewells online. They reminded me of growing up in Utah and Salt Lake. It made me a little sad. God knows I love Montana...but I miss Utah.

O Tannenbaum

For the first time ever, I cut down my own Christmas tree yesterday. I'm sure cutting your own tree is not a "uniquely Montana" tradition. However, I had never heard of doing that until I moved here. I should have done it two years ago when I first moved here but hey....better late than never. Joining me were Jeff & Rob, the two Bozeman sports guys. (Jeff is Jewish and was cutting down a tree for a friend). Here we are below with the trees we chose. Mine isn't the biggest, but it's definitely the best.

It was a good winter weekend in Montana. I went snowboarding on Saturday and then romped through the Gallatin National Forest on Sunday. On top of that one of my best friends and I got even closer. That was good too.

My TV Crush

My desire to be a news anchor is inextricably linked with Michelle King.

It all began on January 28, 1986. I've blogged about it before. What I didn't mention in that post of nearly 2 years ago...was the face staring back at me that night. It was the face of Michelle King.

I was entranced by her. I'm not sure why. Why do any of us develop the crushes we do? There was just something about her. She was, and still is, my favorite news anchor.

I've met her a few times, though I'm not sure she'd remember me. I was an intern at KUED in Salt Lake. I worked on a weekly public affairs program called Civic Dialogue. It was a weekly show where notable community members would sit down for a half-hour interview. I floated the idea of having "local TV news anchor Michelle King" sit down for a personal chat. My bosses liked the idea and told me to book her. I was pretty nervous. "Do I just call KUTV and ask for Michelle King," I asked myself. That's what I did. I got her voicemail. She called back the next day and graciously agreed to do the interview. I finally met her in person on interview day.

A year or so later, I scored an internship at KUTV. I had been working there a few days before I saw her. She remembered me as the one who asked her to do the KUED interview. I thought that was pretty cool. For a while I didn't get a whole lot out of that internship. I was too busy staring around the newsroom...in awe of the people (Michelle King front and center) I had grown up watching. Gradually, that faded and I was able to see everyone as down to earth people.

I don't live in Utah anymore, so I don't get to watch Michelle King every night. Still, it was a little disheartening to hear that she had chosen to retire. Tonight is her last broadcast...after 29 years at KUTV. (It's also Dick Nourse's last show at KSL...after 43 years. Cool...but I just never was a huge Dick Nourse fan).

I'm such a news dork.

This is your life

I was going to devote this post to the topic of football. Yes, football. What in the hell does Lincoln, of all people, have to say about football? Tune in at a later date to find out.

As I was reaching into the memory bank (my journal) for this football entry, I came upon something that has completely perplexed me and thrown me for a loop.

At the end of my first year in Glacier National Park, I bought a journal. For the next 4 years, I wrote in that journal. I obviously didn't do it a lot...otherwise I would have filled the thing up long ago. But I wrote as regularly as could be expected of me.

My last entry was on September 17, 2006. Here's what it said:
"I know what I need to do. Yet the thought terrifies me. Or does it? I suppose the act of "doing" will be terrifying but right now I only feel slight apprehension. I'm wanting more right now. Just something else. Soon, Lincoln. Soon."

Here's the issue: I have absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Seriously. I can't remember. What was I terrified of doing? I looked back in my blog archives to see if my September '06 ramblings would clue me in. No dice. I'm completely, utterly dumbfounded.

I thought journals were supposed to help you re-live memories. Mine has only confused me.

Boise Bound

Finally...some actual movement.

I'm officially headed to Boise for a job interview. It's been on the radar for some time now but now...I actually have a plane ticket.

I've never had a burning desire to move to Boise. I'm not sure how I feel about the prospect. But when I weigh the pros and cons...I realize the cons are simply unknowns. I just don't know much about the city...or even Idaho for that matter. As for the possible job, it's a great opportunity with a seemingly great TV station. So for now, I'm simply excited to see what it's all about. I leave December 9th and I'm stoked.

There are still other possibilities out there....other angles to work. But perhaps this whole "looking for a new job" thing is finally (albeit slowly) coming to a head.

Rivalry

vs.

For the longest time, I was a myspace loyalist. Katie tried for months to convince me that facebook was where it's at. I didn't believe her. I made a feeble attempt to join facebook but it didn't go anywhere. My profile languished, incomplete and lacking substance, for months. Then...someone I had been thinking about for a while...someone I hadn't seen since high school...found that wispy little profile and contacted me. So, in order to communicate with this person, dived head first into the world of facebook.

Wow.

I didn't realize what I was missing. facebook is so much better than myspace. I feel like a 15-year-old girl when I say that but it's true. And there's one simple little reason for the truthfulness:

People.....Are.....Lazy

I don't care how easy the internet makes it to stay connected. It can still be a chore to wade through everyone's profiles on myspace, leave comments, write messages, whatever. It's hard to keep track of it all. facebook does ALL of that for you. It puts in the extra effort for you. You don't have to go searching around to see what people are saying to each other. facebook simply tells you. Everything's automatic. When someone's profile changes...you are notified no matter what. I love it. Yes that's lame. Whatever.

I feel bad for myspace. I really do. I'm usually such a loyalist. But in this case...it just ain't gonna happen.

What the hell happened?

Not too long ago...life was good.

It was summer. I was eating right. I was active. I liked my job. The future looked bright. I was relatively happy.

All of a sudden...life sorta sucks.

It's cold outside. I'm stressed. I don't exercise anymore. Work is blech. I'm nervous about the future. I'm in a rut.

What the hell happened?

Seriously...how does life change so fast without me realizing it?

That's all. I need to get up at 5:30 so I should go to bed. Even though I can't sleep.

Crown & Coke

It's 5:30 p.m. on a Saturday night in Bozeman. I'm home alone, drinking a Crown & Diet Coke. Judge me. I don't care.

It's been an eventful couple of months. I never imagined I'd be where I am right now...dealing with what I'm dealing with. It's enlightening, frustrating, humbling, and exhausting...all at the same time. Here's a rundown of what I've learned recently.

1.) Management is not for me.

I've known that for a long time. Now I'm validated in that belief. Managing is basically babysitting....and I hate it. It's especially hard when you have to babysit the people you've been working with (on an equal level) for the past two years.

2.) People are greedy.

I don't care who you are...when it comes down to it...you're greedy. You're looking out for your own best interests. I'm not excluded in this. But in taking a "management" role at my station, I have a different perspective. Whether it's malicious or not, people are looking out for themselves...at all times...whether they realize it or not.

3.) If there's an open door...people walk through it.

This sort of goes with #2, but it's slightly different. People will take advantage of whatever new situation arises. They're looking out for numero uno...and when new cirumstances make that easier...they seize the opportunity.

4.) Competition can be ugly.

Maybe I don't know how to handle competition because I was never really into sports. But when two friends are suddenly put into the position of competing each other...things deteriorate quickly. It's no fun.

5.) Strong feelings can't be bottled up.

It's okay to fight. People do it all the time. I'd even say it's healthy. But after the cooldown period...you've got to talk things over. It makes for much healthier relationships...even with people you wouldn't consider close friends.

6.) It's easy to get burned out.

I've never been in this situation before. I used to think people who were "burned out" were just whining. Now I know better. Too much of anything can force your body to simply shut down.

7.) We all have an ego.

I don't care how shy or outgoing you are. Your ego is always wanting a little more attention or validation.

8.) Stress can change you.

I'm sure this is obvious to everyone. Personalities change when under stress...especially for those people who don't normally deal with a lot of stress.

9.) Accurate examination of self...is vital.

You've gotta be honest with yourself. You have to look at yourself truthfully. Much of the time, you won't like what you see. But if you can see what other see...you're more apt to change yourself for the better.

10.) Bodies need rest.

I guess science has known this for a while. I'm just beginning to realize it.

Sometimes I wish people I knew didn't read this blog...so I could be a little less vague and more open with my feelings. Then again, my ego would take a hit if I knew people weren't reading. Go figure.

Adjusting to my new reality

Here's the deal.

I work....a lot.

On most days, I'm in the office by 10 in the morning. I leave around 11 at night. There are some days when I literally do not leave the building the whole time. It sucks...to put it mildly. But there is no other choice. I'm news director, producer, anchor, reporter, light bulb changer, car washer, mediator, and any other job title that happens to find me.

It's not going to last forever...but it could last a while. I'm actively looking for a new job. It isn't easy. I'm not sure what I expected when I started the job hunt. I guess I was thinking good fortune and luck would simply come my way. That hasn't happened...yet. And while I've been discouraged for a while now...it's getting a lot better. Reality is setting in...and I'm adjusting to it. Bozeman is not a bad place. Work is terribly difficult right now, but I don't want to leave here...just to leave. When I do go, I want it to be to a place that I'm excited about...a place that's right for me...a place that speaks to me...a place that fits. I'm understanding now that it's going to take some time. I'm okay with that. I have to look on the bright side. I'm raking in the overtime. I'm getting managerial experience (even though I hate it and never wanted it in the first place). I'm still in a great place with good people. I'm being allowed to hunt for a job while I have job security.

So there you go. We'll see what happens.

Remember when...

...you could go trick or treating without having to worry about sex offenders?
...you had to carve a pumpkin WITHOUT those fancy/schmancy pumpkin carving kits with intricate designs and teeny weensy saws?

I was thinking about those two things today. I've seen all kinds of news stories across the country on how to keep your kids from trick or treating at the homes of sex offenders. Really? I guess it's something to be concerned about but...it didn't used to be like that.

And then...I carved a pumpkin last night without using those kits. It was interesting. It turned out well though. I can't remember the last time I did it.

All in all...a good Halloween. I was busy, of course...but still good.

I had way too many mini Twix bars today.

Scanner Comfort

I remember a time when my parents had a police scanner in their bedroom. I've no clue why they ever bought it. A novelty...I guess. Regardless, it became a constant presence for them. They listened to it all the time. I believe (and correct me if I'm wrong mom and dad) it reached the point of necessity. The background noise soon lulled them into sleep every night.

I guess I'm taking after my parents.

The scanner now sits on my nightstand...always turned on. Weird, I know. But I can't help it. I like the noise now. I've come to recognize the distinct differences between every dispatcher in Bozeman. I have my favorites. One is playful and will subtlely joke with officers, deputies, troopers, paramedics, and firefighters. One is intense...with a firm, tension-laced voice inflection no matter what's going on. There's one guy among the group. He's the least descriptive...and I've noticed occasional annoyance on the part of the cops when he's on duty. One is very friendly and has a voice that can only be described as "sweet sounding." One seems like she loves the adrenaline that goes with her position. You can hear the edge in her voice when something big is going on.

I've been to the dispatch center before. I've seen some of their faces. But I can't match those faces to a voice. I've spoken personally on the phone with many of them in the course of my job. (In one case it was when I called 911 to report the neighbors were fighting). I'm fascinated with their work. There are certain nights when there is SO MUCH going on...I can't imagine how they're doing it. And the lingo....don't even get me started. I'm entranced by it.

There is also the benefit of hearing about news events as they happen. I know my station won't miss something if I'm constantly listening to the scanner. But that's a side effect. For me, I just like listening. I can see how the police scanner stayed in my parents bedroom for so long.

Lame

My blog has sucked lately. I'm not writing that much. When I do, I'm usually whining about work. Half the time, I have something profound to say but I'm not nearly articulate enough to put it into actual words...so I give up.

That said...let's talk about work again. Here's the update.

I received two bites from two different stations. One in Eugene, Oregon...another in Boise, Idaho. As far as I know, I'm still in the "we're interested in you but haven't made any decisions yet" phase. It's nice to have some interest out there. I'm courting both stations and waiting for someone to make a serious move. When that happens...I'll start seriously weighing my options.

As far as my current job...it's a doozy. My official title at the station in Bozeman is (and I'm not joking here...it's written this way in my contract) Interim news director/senior producer/anchor/general assignment reporter. My news director left on Friday. I'm temporarily taking over. I'm getting a little more money and lots of overtime. It's going to be exhausting...but I'm resigned to it.

As far as my knees go....I think things are starting to turn around. The first time I noticed a difference was last Thursday. I have less pain...my physical therapy routine is getting easier...and I can walk up and down stairs or carry heavy equipment without wincing. I'm still hearing crunching sounds in both knees (something called crepitice) but the pain isn't there all the time.

In other news...I'm excited for the snow to start falling. I want to get on my snowboard. Bring it on Mother Nature.

Murderous Reality

Murder is big business. Just watch CourtTV. Lately, though, I can't really understand why.

Consider this:
Someone, for whatever reason, decides to KILL another human being. They shoot them in the head. They stab them in the chest. They beat them with a hammer. Whichever way they choose to do it...they are KILLING someone. After that happens, the victim's family has to deal with it all. Think for a moment if your mother were murdered. It's awful right? And yet...a murder that doesn't affect us...is entertainment. Why is that? Why does a murder case capture our undivided attention. Why are we so interested and entranced by the aftermath. Why is that the more gruesome or unusual the crime is...the more we like to watch?

I've been thinking about this the past couple days as we cover 2 different murder cases at our station. One happened in Butte. A man was stabbed to death outside a bar. The other...in Bozeman. A suspected drug dealer murdered (allegedly) by two former MSU athletes.

I'm as guilty as anyone when it comes to liking this stuff. It's fun for me to be in the court room and hear the testimony. While not as dramatic as Law & Order, it's still a little bit like watching a TV show. I get excited. I want to hear the gory details...

...and then...

...I'm brought back to reality. I look to my left and see a woman sobbing...her husband holding her tightly as she tries to come to grips with the harsh reality of murder. The victim in the case is her son. This isn't entertainment for her. Her son's dead.

Pinch blogger

I sat down to write a meaningful blog entry...but I couldn't flesh out any idea that I had. So I'm taking something off Katie's blog that I really liked. Per her own post...this is not her creation. It was written my Horace Bushnell. I'm still combing over it looking for the nuggets of meaning I know lie within.

On a cold distant night
he stood outside glaring at the sky.

To the left were clouds,
hanging over his head and giving him a simple reminder
that life was far from perfect.

To the right was a clear path, a small glimpse of hope
that someday, somehow, he would muster up the energy
to finally allow himself to heal.

In an imperfect world where drama is the main attraction
there is only so much the soul can take.
We tell ourselves constantly that we are “tired” of the drama.
We continue to believe that the only way possible is to start all over.

Well at least he knew better.

Back in the day, drama was a word that had become an everyday part of his life.
His life had been filled with shambles
and his motivation fueled through bad life experiences.

He was out to please and prove.
He wanted them to know.
To see him as a person who not only mattered but deserved
to be worshiped in some way, shape, or form.

He knew exactly how he felt on the inside
and it was fear that kept him from displaying those deep emotions.
Being weak to him meant asking for help and that was simply not an option.

Because we can never quickly
realize how dramatic our lives can be,
we continue to create situationsthat become unhealthy and unloving.
We tell ourselves that being
angry, upset, or even jealous are normal
everyday feelings for the many moments in our lives.

We want to believe that we are always right
and that there is simply nothing wrong
and even if there were a problem,
we would much rather deal with ourselves.

We keep dramatic people in our lives.
People who serve little to no purpose but are always there
to make sure we fall hard without helping us get up.
We keep them there because it serves as a reminder.
We would much rather see someone else struggle
than to just admit our own defeats.

He looked over to the left, gazing at the sky,
remembering how those clouds had been formed.
There had been moments of self doubt along with
the false realization that life did not involve people.

As he looked over to the right
he began to see hope.
Hope for a better future.
Hope for remembering never to doubt himself again.

He knew that this process was far from over

oh yes he had been here before... patiently waiting...
The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.

:)

I took some time this evening to read through some previous posts of mine.

What a whiny, morose, little bitch I've been. Pardon my french, but....seriously.

I worry far too much. Things will work out. They always do. Everyone has problems. Mine aren't that unusual or special. Suck it up, Lincoln.

Um....one thing I have realized over the past few weeks is that I have very good friends. Most of them are far away...and I don't see them that much, but I get the feeling they genuinely like me. They support me. They care about me. Thank you Ron. Thank you Jessie. Thank you Kathryn. Thank you Katie. Thank you Beth. Thank you Jeff. Thank you Alyson. Thank you Jenny. Thank you everyone. I will try to be happier and more upbeat from now on. I'm sure this whole "job hunt" thing (and I think it may be a long, drawn-out process) will cause me to whine more in the future...but I will try to stop worrying.

Before I go...one other tidbit.

This week, I got to see a horse veterinarian collect sperm from a stud stallion. The best part? I was standing next to two women. After it was over one of them said, "Phew....I feel like I need a cigarette."

Ahh...good times.

Video Vault

I've been meaning to post these for a while but haven't gotten around to it. They were pointed out to me recently. I'm sure many people have already seen them. If not...enjoy. And if you have...they're worth another look.

Que sera

It snowed in Bozeman this past weekend. Yeehaw! Despite previous ramblings on this blog about a love of summer...I truly am I four-season kind of guy. I had an amazing summer. But I'm ready for the snow to fly. I want to strap on my snowboard and get on the mountain. Bring it on Mama Nature.

Thanks to everyone who offered words of encouragement after my last blog entry. I appreciate it. I really do worry too much. I don't know how many times I've worried about something, and then eventually, things...just...worked...out. You'd think I'd learn from past experience. Nope. Whenever there's turmoil I just want my puny little brain to make sense of it IMMEDIATELY.

I think I've discovered the root cause of all my inner discombobulation. While I want to find a new job, I don't want to be kicked out of my old one. I was afraid of the timing not working out. Hopefully, that will be resolved this week. I talked things over with my managers and we reached a tentative agreement. Now it just has to be set in stone. I feel good about it. I'm not so anxious anymore.

As for the job hunt...still only two bites. I'm still evaluating them. No hurry though.

On a side note...I made roasted asparagus with goat cheese, bacon, and sauteed mushrooms tonight. Delicious.

Scrambled Intuition

I hate inner turmoil.

On one level I recognize that it's good for us. It challenges us. It helps us to grow. It teaches us things we didn't know about ourselves; all good things...but it doesn't make GOING through it any easier.

The job hunt has taken a turn. I should probably describe it as a "turn for the better" but I'm not so sure. The fact that it's become "real" and filled with distinct possibilities is more than a little frightening. I've applied for 25 jobs across the country. I got two bites near the end of last week. The specifics aren't important right now. Things will play out over the next little while and I'll just have to see where they go. The big problem for me is what these prospects have done for my mental state.

I don't like it when I can't figure things out. I don't know whether my reluctance to leave Montana is some deep part of my soul telling me I should stay here....or simply a fear of change. It's making me question everything I thought I knew about the paths we take in life. Although not very religious, I've always felt guided in a certain way. I've always just assumed the places I ended up were where I was supposed to be. My intuition (a higher power if you will) has given me accurate directions. As a result, I've assumed I could decipher what my intuition was telling me. I'm not so sure anymore. I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision. That fear is compounded when I consider my decision-making track record. For the past 6 years it's been very good. I don't want to screw up the winning streak.

I'm trying as hard as I can to process everything. I don't know if it's working. Just wish me luck.

PFPS....

....stands for Patello Femoral Pain Syndrome.

That's why my knees hate me. It's not really a specific condition. It's the term they slap onto any knee pain that can't be easily diagnosed. Apparently...it's common. (Duh...knee pain is common. The generic term they apply to it is likely to be common as well). I started a physical therapy program on Monday. I was actually pretty worried about it. My left knee was really starting to crap out on me. I was out on a story (chasing around a little black bear that wandered into Bozeman) and I wanted to curl up and scream. I didn't think I could handle any type of therapy. But my first gym session went rather well. Hopefully, it will get back to normal. I just want to be able to hike again without wincing as I descend a hill.

This whole thing brings up a point that I've touched on before: My body is falling apart.

Let's recap shall we.
-I have the teeth of an 80 year old
-I have a slowly receding hairline
-I've had serious problems with my sinuses
-I get nasty, nasty blisters
-My right ankle is oh-so-very weak.
-My knees are giving me grief

Perhaps these problems didn't start within the past two years, but I had never noticed any of them until I moved to Bozeman. Maybe my love affair with Montana makes for a dangerous relationship. Maybe Montana is slowly killing me. Perhaps my health depends on me getting out of this state. Oh wait....I can't do that until I...find...a...job. That's still not going so well. Which brings me to...

....THIS

That will take you to a copy of my resume tape online. It just went up today. More tapes are being sent tomorrow.

Round 2

Okay. First I write a post showing off all the cities in which I've applied for jobs. Then I write a post explaining how the "how's the job hunt going" question was grating on me. And now, I'm writing a post about the latest round of tapes I've sent out. I'm a glutton for punishment. I've received zero responses from my first batch of tapes. Here's hoping round two goes a little bitter. Without further ado:

Boise, Idaho

Eugene, Oregon

Richmond, Virginia

Portland, Maine

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Rochester, New York

Winston-Salem, North Carolina

100% Pure New Zealand

I got on YouTube tonight to see what all the fuss was about with Sally Fields' Emmy acceptance speech. (Ridiculous by the way. I don't even see why it's an issue. Completely overblown). Anyway, I saw the following video featured on YouTube's main page. I'm posting this for no one's benefit other than my own. I spent 6 months in New Zealand a few years ago. I loved it. I'd go back in a heartbeat. I watched this video and got a little teary-eyed. I love New Zealand.

Guinness Goodness

Skeezix....thanks for the inspiration.

I've wrote of my attitude towards cooking and baking on this blog. It's not a question of whether I can cook. It's a question of whether I WANT to cook. I'm certainly no Bobby Flay, but if I want to get my grill on, I think I can hold my own. I usually never want to. That all changed last week when I saw this blog entry from skeezix. A chocolate cake made with Guinness? Intriguing.

I actually hate Guinness. I don't like dark beers. But in a chocolate cake....well, it just seemed fitting. So when the Bozeman newsies decided to have a dinner party this weekend I thought, "hey...let's give that cake a try.

It turned out well. It definitely wasn't as pretty as the one from skeezix. I need more practice making it. (The photo you see....I found that on the internet). But it was tasty. I made two of them...one was more of a trial run than anything else. I found that while I like the idea of a cake that's not too sweet....I need a frosting that's less centered around cream cheese. So for the second cake, I replaced part of the cream cheese with butter. Still a teensy bit too cream cheesy...but almost right.

All in all...a successful baking endeavor.

It was the perfect ending to Rob and Jeff's delectable bacon-encrusted meatloaf, Beth and Aaron's au gratin potatoes, spicy hot wings, and artichoke dip and Dave's salad. Next week is Italian. Anyone have ideas on what I can contribute?

Pandora's Box

"How's the job hunt going?"

I've obviously set myself up for that question. But I've heard it so many times in the last two weeks...that I'm becoming irritated.

I suppose that in the back of my mind I had convinced myself of my own greatness. I would send a few resume tapes out, everyone would call wanting me to work for them, and I'd make them fight over me.

Um.....not exactly. There's nothing like reality to humble a person.

I've had zero responses. In the grand scheme of things I guess that's normal. Ten tapes isn't a lot. But I had such high hopes. And now I'm left with the task of sheepishly responding to that annoying question. "Not so well."

Rest assured that if I do have a job prospect, I will let the world know. I know people have good intentions but please....spare me the task of looking you in the eye and explaining how, at the moment, no one wants me.

It's depressing.

Cleveland Rocks!

Climb the highest mountain in Glacier National Park. Check.

My vacation got off to a great start last weekend when I climbed Mt. Cleveland with Glacier buddies Ron and Andrew. Cleveland had been in my sights for years but in a park as big as Glacicer...there was always something else to do first. I had sort of resigned myself to not climbing it, but alas....we did it. Although awesome, it was by far the most grueling trek I've done in Glacier...simply because of how my body seemed to turn on me. I think I did some serious damage to myself on that damn Bridger Ridge Run back in August. I've never had problems with my knees until the run. I assumed it was temporary....that they just needed time to recover. It wasn't long before they were feeling fine. But just 6 miles into last weekend's hike, I felt the pain return. It stayed with me (in fact it got steadily worse) the 3 days and 2 nights we were in the backcountry. (My boots betrayed me as well...giving me 12 painful blisters). The last 5 miles on the last day were sheer hell...and that was WITH lots of ibuprofen. I'm not sure what's up. I'm going to the knee doctor this afternoon. I'm hoping my knees are just stressed out and not permanently damaged.

I digress.

I did have a lot of fun. Even with the pain and misery associated with backcountry hiking and camping, the rewards are great. I love the outdoors.

Ron and Andy traversing a goat trail beneath the Stoney Indian Peaks. Yes, there is a trail there. The precipitous drop looks worse than it really is.

Goofing off in the Belly River Valley

The rest of my vacation was just as great. I went home to Salt Lake for a few days. Unlike previous visits, I wasn't rushed. I didn't try to cram everyone and everything into two short days. I was relaxed. I was rested. I spent adequate amounts of time with everyone I care about. I had lunch with sarahbellum. (Pleasure to meet you Ms. Bellum. You were just as I imagined you...that's a good thing).

I even had time to get addicted to a new television show. What is it with the original series on Showtime, HBO and FX? Why are they always so good? I was lounging around at mom & dad's house, flipping throuhg the On Demand section on TV when I came across Dexter. Michael C. Hall (from Six Feet Under) plays a serial killer...who preys on society's evil-doers (murderers, other serial killers, etc.) Awesome show. I watched the entire first season. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Vacay was good. I'm rejuvenated for work. I'm ready to really dive into the job search. I'm glad I took that breather.

A breather

I'll be taking a breather for the next 11 days.

I'm going on vacation. I'm headed to Glacier for a backpacking trip...then I'm headed home to Salt Lake to spend some time with friends and family.

I'm having lunch with sarahbellum (if she's still up for it) at some point. Any other Salt Lake blog acquaintances interested?

In other news....

...All videos of me on the news (including my blue angels flight) have been removed from YouTube, and thus this blog. One was discovered by a higher-up in the company. I did not get in trouble. But I was asked to remove it because it was copyrighted material. I figured that would happen at some point.

I worked at our parent station in Missoula for the past two days. It was part of an employee swap. I traded places with one of their reporters. It was a good time. Their studio is sooooo NICE. But I like my gig in Bozeman...even if I'm not here for much longer.

I'm tired. I'm stressed. The job hunt still petrifies me. I need a break. I'm looking forward to this vacation. I don't think I'll be blogging while I'm gone. We'll see.

Later.