Worrisome

I have 7 days to vacate my apartment.

I still have no other place to live.

This presents a problem.

This explains why I'm stressed and haven't posted anything in weeks.

Forgive me.

Picture Page

I'm trying to blog more often. That said, I struggle with writing something new on a frequent basis. So I'm taking the easy way out and posting some photos. Here's a random photo from each album I have in iPhoto. I'm sure no one cares...but I'm tired and I wanted to post something. So there you have it.

From the "Moab Birthday" album. Imitating an arch...under an arch.

From the "Subway 2009" album. Jason's freedom jump.

From the "Many Glacier Winter" album. Heavy Shield covered in snow.

From the "Beaver Creek" album. After a day on the slopes.

From the "Glacier" album (by far the biggest album). A very windy day at Firebrand Pass.

From the "Boise Life" album. Fall colors outside my apartment.

From the "Beth's Wedding" album. From inside the chapel in Big Sky where Beth got married.

From the "Subway Road Trip" album. In the Subway, Zion National Park...2005.

From the "Southwest Road Trip" album. At the bottom of the Grand Canyon...standing in the Colorado River.

From the "Big Sky" album. Backcountry snowboarding.

From the "Alaska" album. Chris, Josh, and I at the Walburn/Hendricks cabin.

From the "Idaho Hiking" album. Michelle and Derek at Sawtooth Lake.

From the "Home" album. Mom & I right before I left for New Zealand.

From the "Bozeman Life" album. A moose on the loose in Bozeman.

From the "Montana Hiking" album. A group of us at Garnet Mountain Lookout Tower.

From the "Oklahoma" album. The Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial.

From the "Shelson Wedding" album. A group of friends at Jason & Shelly's wedding.

From the "Siri Wedding Road Trip" album. Siri (not pictured) got married in Alta, Utah. Here we are doing a little summer time ski lift riding.

From the "Merlin" album. Merlin's favorite spot for lounging. Half on the couch, half on the end table.

From the "Random" album. I rode a motorcycle to Glacier for the summer of 2003. Hardy and I took it back to Salt Lake in the back of his pick-up that autumn.

From the "News Stuff" album. We're in mid-show right here just before saying goodbye to Steve Dent on his last night.

I have 3,962 photos. This is just a sampling. Good night.

Stealing

Taking material from other blogs and using it as original content on my own....is so bloody convenient. But I should at least give credit where credit is due.

Two of the bloggers I follow recently posted some YouTube music video clips that really impressed me. I like music. But I don't love it. I never have. Sometimes I don't understand those who have thousands of songs on their iPods or iPhones. I haven't turned on my iPod in about two years. But that doesn't matter. I still appreciate music and I leave it to others to point out the good stuff. These aren't your ordinary Top 40 selections either. But I like 'em.

Derek had this gem from Frankmusik posted on his blog a few weeks back.

Dainon had this from Janelle Monae a little while ago. Good stuff.

30

Date: March 26, 2010

Time: Around 8:00 am

Place: Delicate Arch, Arches National Park, Utah

I'm 30 now. It's a number people really pay attention to. Arbitrary as it may be, it's a milestone. So why not mark such a milestone with a special occasion? That was the whole point of my birthday trip to Moab. I don't recall any bad birthdays in the past 30 years. But I also don't recall any particularly memorable ones...until now. My 30th birthday was the best birthday I've ever had.

I camped along the Colorado River with 8 friends. Beth and Aaron drove down from Bozeman. Ron and Jessie, also known as Sipner, drove over from Beaver Creek, Colorado. Brandon and Tim drove over from Boulder. Siri drove down from Park City. Last, but certainly not least, Dave (who has no blog, no Facebook page, and no Twitter account...therefore I can't link to him) drove 1,000 miles from Glacier National Park.

I woke everyone up at 5:00 am on my birthday. We were on the road by 6:00, headed into Arches. We had Delicate Arch all to ourselves, with the exception of one other hiker (who happened to take the group photo at the top of this post). We hiked down and drove into Moab for a delicious breakfast at the Jailhouse Cafe. By the time we were done it was raining pretty hard. So we headed back to camp and everyone napped for a few hours. The rain stopped in the afternoon and we headed back into the park for a hike through Devil's Garden. This is Partition Arch.

Then it was back into town for dinner at the Moab Brewery. Good friends Good beer. A good mushroom swiss burger. A good brownie sundae. Then it was back to camp for a brief evening campfire...then off to bed. It was perfect. Brandon put together this video. Thanks buddy.

I'm not particularly torn up about turning 30. I've been doing some serious soul-searching over the past several months but that's more a matter of timing than turning 30. I still feel young. God knows I act immature. Besides the gray hairs showing up on my temples, most people say I look like I'm in my 20s. There's nothing very significant in my mind about turning 30. It just....is. I'm fine with it. Any reservations I have are purely psychological. I've explained in recent posts how I'm toying with the idea of embarking on new adventures and exploring some uncharted territory. While I know I'm capable of tackling anything, the idea of doing so at age 30 is a little terrifying. But I suppose that's a fear I can face.

Lastly, thanks to the people who celebrated with me. You guys are awesome. Although the attempt at spelling my name with your bodies was dismal at best. Does anyone really see the "Lincoln!" in this picture?

Spring Fever

We're looking at our first real stretch of 60 degree days in Boise. I can't wait. I'm longing for warm temperatures. But I shouldn't complain too much. This winter has been a blur. It's been annoying and frustrating...but at least it's moved by at a quick pace. I didn't snowboard as much as I would have liked (and there's still time) but there's always next season...as long as global warming doesn't sink the ski industry.

As Spring approaches, I've got a few exciting events to look forward to.

First, and ultimately foremost, I'm almost done with filling in on weather. Our new morning meteorologist starts on the 29th. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I'm very glad I learned how to do weather. It's given me skills I never would have learned. BUT...doing it on a consistent basis sucks the joy out of my day. I'll still have to fill in now and then (and I don't mind that) but the end is near.

Second, my 30th birthday draws closer. I have some thoughts on turning 30. But I'll save those for later. For now, all I can focus on is my birthday trip to Moab. I've got a small group of friends coming with me and I'm getting pretty stoked. It should be a good time. I'm praying for sunshine.

Third, my agent should be making a new resume tape for me. I've signed with him recently and one of the things he pointed out to me is that he makes "killer" tapes. Everyone in the business knows a good tape is key. I'm anxious to see what he comes up with.

Fourth, I'm taking the first tentative steps in my side/alternative pursuit of drama/theater/acting. That means some monologue auditions. I'll see what happens there.

Fifth, Daylight Saving time is here. It's not so great for my sleep schedule. It's great for everything else.

Bring on Spring. I'm ready.

Do-over

Aesthetics are important to me. I pay attention to way things look. I'm interested in things like studio set design, architecture, and monument design. I also like spectacle. Concerts and fireworks displays come to mind. I like it when my eyes are wowed.

That's why I was so disappointed with the opening ceremonies at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. That stupid glitch with the Olympic cauldron really pissed me off. I know, I know. What a dumb thing to fixate on. But I haven't been able to get it out of my head for the past two weeks. It's supposed to be the pinnacle moment...and it gets screwed up. I know it was no one's fault. But there were BILLIONS of people watching from across the world...and the most visually compelling display...fizzles. Frustrating...and pretty embarrassing for Canada.

As far as I was concerned, Vancouver blew it with that one big mess-up. I was wrong. I had a big smile on my face when I saw them acknowledge the glitch in tonight's closing ceremonies. A mime comes out, does a little "maintenance" work on the broken cauldron arm, and it rises out of the ground. Then, Canadian athlete Catriona LeMay Doan, the woman who missed out on the first lighting because of the glitch, sets the thing ablaze. It was awesome.

As far as aesthetics are concerned, I think it's the coolest cauldron I've seen...followed closely by Salt Lake's.

I love the Olympics. I was lucky enough to be involved in the 2002 Games. I'd like to be a part of a future Games. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say I probably won't be an Olympic athlete anytime soon. So, hopefully I can be in London, Sochi, Rio, or a future Olympic city as a broadcaster. We'll see.

Go time

First and foremost...I'm excited to be here in 29 days.

I haven't been to Delicate Arch in about 5 years. But I'll be welcoming my 30th year with a sunrise hike to my old friend. Early in the morning (or even in the middle of the night) is the only appropriate time for a visit. Delicate Arch is too popular, too awesome, and too easy to get to. Because of that, most people have to share a visit with throngs of others. I've even heard up to 10,000 people have made the trek in a single weekend. I won't accept that. I'm selfish when it comes to nature. I've been to the arch about a dozen times in my life. For the past 5 or 6 visits, I've never been there with more than one or two people. (That doesn't include the friends I've hiked with). That's only because I've hiked up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning. That's the plan next month. I've invited many friends. I'm not sure how many will show up. But I honestly can't think of a better way to celebrate a birthday. Bar hopping and getting trashed for my 30th...well, that's not exactly my cup of tea.

In other news, I've been a little more open lately about my itch to get into theater and acting. The support is nice. I'm thankful to have friends and family who don't laugh off seemingly crazy aspirations. So...I'm pursuing it...to a degree. I won't be taking any giant leaps of faith. I'm well aware that great rewards often involve great risk. But I'm going to be somewhat practical in my approach. I'll keep those details to myself for now.

I will be in Boise for the next 6 months. I've signed a short extension with my station. I've also signed with a talent agent to help with my next news job. News is still a passion of mine. I think it would be foolish of me to give up on it completely. I know how the business works. I have a good head start. I have experience. While the industry is getting hit hard economically, I have nothing to lose by looking for another gig. There's no telling what I might find or where I might end up. An excellent opportunity just might present itself.

So the heat's been turned off for a while. August will be here before I know it and I'm sure I'll start freaking out soon enough. For now though, I'm breathing easier.

Change of course?

I packed up my life and moved to Montana in the summer of 2002. At the time, I thought it would be a 4-month long diversion from life. Long story short...4 months turned into 4 years. Plenty of people thought I was crazy. That bothered me a little but I found comfort in two things: the fact I was having a kick-ass time and the knowledge that I was doing what was right for me. I took a major detour and I felt good about it.

I figured that would be the end of it. I left the seasonal world more than 4 years ago and jumped into the world of TV news. Overall, it's been a very good experience. I've learned a lot. I've been validated many times. I enjoy what I do. That is why the prospect of another detour seems so unbelievably terrifying. But that's exactly what I'm thinking about. Another detour. I can't get it out of my head.

I've been a mess for the past few weeks. I really have. I wake up to heated arguments already blazing in my head. I go to bed with the same.

Do it. Don't do it.

Dive in. Step in.

Rational. Irrational.

Too old. Age is a number.

Crazy. Sane.

Risk. Reward.

It's killing me. I've had desires to do things before and I've never gone full throttle because there just didn't seem to be a way. But no matter what, I can't look at this like that. I've tried. The rational part of me has tried to be pragmatic and cautious. It's not working. I've got an itch to do something and I'm starting to think the only thing I can do is scratch it.

The question now is to what degree. I love news. I always will. But I've gotten bored and unsatisfied. There's every likelihood that a new job would reinvigorate me and shove these latest inklings to the corner of my mind. But I'm not even sure I want that to happen. There's also the not-so-minor detail of actually finding a new job.

A few of you might be asking, "What the hell does he want to do?"

I'll tell you...and that, in itself, is a big step.

I'm thinking about going back to school to study acting and theater.

Yeah, yeah...I'd raise one eyebrow too. There are major issues to work through. Location. Cost. Etc. But I've always had an interest in it. It's just that news has always trumped it. I've started to wonder if it can be trumped anymore.

Missed Opportunity

I remember being home last summer and making fun of my mom for watching Harper's Island. I didn't know anything about the show but I thought the few minutes I did see were pretty lame. Fast forward to late last year when my station's movie critic recommended the show in that weeks DVD picks. Then, earlier this week, I noticed it on a shelf at Hastings. I figured I'd give it a shot. I'm glad I did. It's not particularly well written. It's not particularly well-acted. It's not particularly believable. But it is good fun. I wasted this past week watching all 13 episodes. I did a little research online after the fact. I guess the show wasn't a big success. It definitely had a cult following but was largely ignored by the mainstream masses. That's too bad. I hear that, had it been successful, CBS was committed to the same idea again...a limited run, murder/mystery series with a "reality show" twist (that being one main character killed off each week). Oh well. If you get a chance, rent Harper's Island. It's not the greatest TV show you'll ever see...but it's damn good fun.

Blunt

A conversation I had today with a prospective talent agent.

Me: Hello.

Agent: Is this Lincoln?

Me: Yes it is.

Agent: Hi Lincoln, this is so-and-so from so-and-so.

Me: Hi there.

Agent: Let's cut to the chase. What's your current contract situation?

Me: Well, it expires at the end of February and I'm currently negotiating an extension.

Agent: And you're looking for a job and haven't had any bites. (said as a statement)

Me: Uh...yes.

Agent: Well first of all, get rid of those glasses.

Me: Uh....

Agent: Seriously. They're distracting. No one wears glasses. What about contacts or Lasik?

Me: Well I'm not a fan of contacts and I'm not a good candidate for Lasik.

Agent: Well get some contacts. Secondly, gain some weight or hit the gym.

Me: Uh....

Agent: You don't have a commanding build. If you want to be an anchor, you need broad shoulders. You're too slight.

(Silence)

Agent: I figure I should just be blunt.

Me: Uh....okay.

Agent: I take it you live in a part of the country that isn't getting a lot of sunlight right now.

Me: Uh....

Agent: You're very pale. Either get some new make-up or hit the tanning booth.

Me: Uh....

Agent: Tell you what, I'll send you a sample contract and if you promise to work on the things we talked about, I'd be happy to represent you.

Me: Okay.

The End

I paraphrased a little bit...but only a little. He did say I had a good voice. I'll give an inch on the pale hue of my skin. I need a little color. But this guy was a douchebag. I will not be signing with him.

Update

When it's been this long without a blog update, I usually feel guilty about it. That's mainly because I usually have things to say but I'm too lazy to sit down and put my thoughts into coherent sentences.

But this time around, I just haven't had much to say.

January is almost over. Crazy. I think it's safe to say this year is already zipping by. I'm a little less stressed about my professional life. True...my contract expires in just over a month. True...I haven't found any other news job. True...the continuation of employment with my current station is unknown at this point. But I feel more confident. I've had talks with two talent agencies. I'm intrigued by both. Employment (in my industry at least) is picking up around the country. So I'm hopeful. Now I just have to survive in the short term.

If I can't work out a short term deal where I am...I've got other options. Unfortunately nearly all of them involve some kind of employment lull lasting from March until mid-May. After that, I could do a number of things. I could pack up and go to mom and dad's house in Salt Lake. (Both mom and dad probably just read that sentence and thought, "what!?") I could pack up and head to Glacier National Park. (I've got a cat now and that means no more living in employee housing). I could stay in Boise and work full time at Zip Idaho. (From a logistics perspective, it's the easiest option. But I'd have to downsize so my wages could cover all my expenses).

Anyone have any other ideas for me?

All the while, no matter where I am in a months time, I'll be looking for my next TV gig. I'm confident I'll find it. It's just a matter of timing.

Sleepy Time

I am a tired drunk.

There...I said it. It's the main reason I don't like bars. It's the main reason I don't like to "party." When I drink, I get sleepy. Very sleepy.

So when anyone asks me to come out and "party" I say, "what's the point?" I'll be ready for bed at midnight anyway.

Sometimes, I get jealous of those who like to head downtown and party the night away. Sometimes, I wish I could do that. Sometimes, I wish I could roam the streets with wild abandon and go from bar to bar.

But I can't.

Because I'm ready for bed by the time we're headed to the second bar.

So quit asking me to "go out." It's futile. It only leads to bed...and not the good kind...where so many "other" drunk people end up. I actually end up sleeping.

Good night.

She's outta here!

We said goodbye to Mellisa this morning. Sad to see her go. Here's a closer look at the cake we got for her.

And here I am...eating my own face.
Attractive, I know.

Good luck Mellisa. I'll miss you.

A Tense Relationship

Merlin has a new friend. Her name is Snickers.

Merlin was curious at first...but is now skeptical of Snickers.
Snickers doesn't seem to care and likes to push Merlin's buttons.
Merlin says "bitch" and pushes right back.

Pandemonium ensues.

Snickers realizes she bit off more than she can chew.
Snickers hisses, moans, and wails through the brawl. Merlin is completely silent.

Soon...all is well and they're back to being friends (sort of) again...until the next round.

FYI: I did not get a new cat. I am cat-sitting for a co-worker. Before you call Animal Cops on me, the pictures aren't as bad as they look. Snickers has no claws. Merlin's are trimmed. I'm also fairly certain it's just a little rough housing. They sleep peacefully at night...a few feet apart on my bed. Still, Merlin is a bully. Snickers is a misbehaving little brat. I can't wait 'til she leaves.

Bronco Nation

When the University of Utah went to the Fiesta Bowl in 2005...I lived in Montana.

When the Utes beat Alabama in the 2009 Sugar Bowl...I lived in Idaho.

When Boise State beat Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl...I barely knew, and certainly didn't care, what "Boise State" was.

My point is that I haven't been in a very good position to appreciate a certain team's appearance in a good bowl game...until yesterday.

With Boise State in the 2010 Fiesta Bowl, I was living in Boise, Idaho. Good fit, right? It really was a cool experience. This entire town was behind the Broncos. I have no special allegiance to BSU, but it just felt right to jump on the bandwagon. Here's the Bronco attire I sported on the news today.

I watched the game too. I'm not a huge football fan. But I was into this game. It was a good time. I even found myself wishing I was down in Glendale to see it in person. I also found myself looking back at the 2007 game and thinking, "wow...it would have been cool to be a part of that."

I won't be in Boise forever. But while I am here, I'm 100% behind the Broncos.

Unseen Horizons

Dear Boise,

It's not you, it's me. I know that's a horrible cliche to refer to when loosening ties with someone...but it's true. You're cute. You're charming. You're vibrant. You provide a quality of life that most people across the country probably don't experience. You're filled with good, honest people who love you for what you give them...a wonderful place to call home. In all honesty, I can't find a single thing wrong with you. So why would I want to break up with you? I already told you why. It's not you. It's me. That's all I can say. I'm sorry.

Love, Lincoln

I've had a lot on my mind the past several months. I haven't really opened up, on this blog at least, because things were muddled. They still are. But I need to flesh out my thoughts and this seems like the perfect place to do it. I have no immediate plans to leave Boise. My contract is up in a couple months. I've been looking around for new opportunities but they're either few and far between or the competition for them is insanely intense. I'm assuming I have the option to stay at my current job and negotiate a new contract. If that turns out to be true...do I want to do that? There's something to be said for simply "having a job" during times like these. But I wrote that letter to Boise for a reason. I feel like I need to move on. It's time. Coming here was the right thing to do. I learned a lot. I grew a lot. But I'm ready for the next step. But therein lies the problem. What is the next step? I have no idea.

This all made harder when you see people around you taking their next step. This is a picture of myself and my co-anchor Mellisa. We hosted the Miss Idaho Pageant last summer. Mellisa is leaving Boise for a new TV job in Sacramento. She deserves it and I'm very happy for her. But, so far in this business, she is my longest running TV wife. It's sad to see her go. I've always hated watching other people move on. It was a little different when I was in Bozeman. Out of all my closest friends there, I was the first to leave. That's sad as well, but in a different way. Mellisa leaves behind Michelle and I. She's my other co-anchor.

Michelle's future is uncertain too. No matter where she ends up and when she ends up there, she's moving forward in big ways. For starters, she's getting married this year. It's just another example of people around me "moving on." I feel stuck.

So there you have it. There are big changes going on around me. It'd be nice to be a part of them...but I feel left out. And even though I'd like to move forward....I'm not even sure where I want to go. It's no secret the broadcasting business is struggling. Jobs are scarce. Salaries have taken a nosedive. The future looks bleak. That just adds more fuel to this already confusing fire.

Oh, and let's not forget one other important thing. I turn 30 this year. My birthday is just under three months away. It's a big milestone. I'd love to feel confident, put-together, and comfortable in my own skin on such a big day. Instead, I'm on my way feeling like a lost mess.

Happy New Year.

I want it, I want it, I want it!!!!

I'm pissed. I saw this fleece pullover in the Boise North Face store about a month ago. I liked it. I really liked it. But I didn't buy it. It seemed too expensive. It was too expensive. But then I see some guy wearing it downtown and think, "hmm...I like that. I'm going to buy it." But they're sold out. Not a big deal. I figure I can find it on the internet. Holy "out-of-stock" hell! You can't find it ANYWHERE!

I'm very specific about what I want too. It's the Men's Gordon Lyons 1/4 zip pullover fleece. I need a medium in the Lunar Ice Grey color.

I hope they make more.

Home

This is Whiskers. I call him "my cat" but I suppose that's not really truthful. He lives in Salt Lake with my parents. So yeah...in terms of ownership and residence, he's not my cat. But he was at one time. I picked him out of the dozens of other cats at the Utah Humane Society. It was October of 1996. He was 5 months old. I opened the cage, he stretched a bit, and then jumped out on my shoulder and sat there calmly. I like to say he picked me. He was my buddy for the next 6 years. I played rough with him and I'm pretty sure that's why he developed a pissy personality. He doesn't really like anyone beyond my parents and I. He tolerates a few other people...but he's bitten or scratched all of us at one point or another. He's a grumpy old man. He'll be 14 years old in May. In cat years, that's about 72. He's pretty much my mom's cat now.

He made that very evident with the look he gave me in this picture. "You abandoned me," he's thinking. "What did you think would happen?" Still, he greets me with a warm welcome every time I come home. He hasn't forgotten me...which is kinda nice.

In other news from the home front, here's this year's Graves Family Christmas tree. It's hard to make out the ornaments, but many of them are shaped like large Christmas lights.

Ever since I can remember, my parents have done a different Christmas tree theme every year. It's an expensive habit. Our crawl space is stocked with old ornaments, used once, and then packed away. But we've had some awesome trees. I think my favorite was the country western theme. That was years ago. The snow man tree was a good one too.

It was a good Christmas. I got a Nintendo DS and a new Canon PowerShot SX200 camera (which took the above pictures).

My parents, in their continuing quest to humiliate me, also bought me a Snuggie. It's still in the package...beckoning me to take it out and try it on. I don't know if I can do it. And if I do...I certainly won't admit it.

Restless

I left Salt Lake in June of 2002. It was an exciting time for me. I was headed to Glacier National Park for a much needed respite. I didn't know at the time that it was the beginning of a four-year stint as a seasonal tourism worker. No one else knew that either. I think most people thought I would "get away" for the summer and return to normal life. When that didn't happen, friends and family began to wonder about me. That bothered me. So I had to respond.

I'm not actually sure if any of my friends or family ever saw this. I meant to give it to people...and maybe I did. I just don't remember. Either way, I believe I wrote this before I left for New Zealand in 2003.

Everyone is so puzzled by what I'm doing. That frustrates me but at least I can understand why they feel that way. I had such direction in my life. I was winning awards and doing internships. Everyone said I had talent. I was headed somewhere...maybe even somewhere fast. Then the shit hit the fan. I broke up with Erin, my private life spilled out into the open, and I was left by myself to mop things up. I sought refuge in Montana. Going to Glacier was a chance for me to heal. I wanted to get away from Salt Lake and the people I knew. I wanted to meet new people and make new friends. I wanted to recuperate...and I did. My breakup was the hardest thing I've ever been through, but I'm over it. I've healed. I don't feel sad anymore. I'm even glad it happened. I guess most people assume that when you finally get through a difficult time in your life, you kind of go back to the way things were. You resume life in a sense. Going to Glacier prompted me to start living again. But instead of going back to the way things were (journalism, internships, finding a job) I started to explore some different options. Instead of backtracking, I started down a brand new path. Once I traveled far enough down that avenue, there was no going back.

Despite how things look, I have not lost direction or motivation. I've simply discovered what's really important to me. By traveling and doing seasonal work I get to hike, snowboard, ski, mountain bike and learn how to participate in countless other activities. It's fun. How could it not be? But if anyone believes I'm doing seasonal work just to "have fun," they are sadly mistaken. I'm out there looking for (and finding along the way) two things much more serious and profound than that...myself and human relationships. You always hear about people trying to "find themselves." Most people will roll their eyes at such a "corny" idea. They don't understand it. But I can truly relate to it. It's hard for me to explain but just try to believe me when I say it's an integral part of my life. It's a goal to keep striving for. It's the people I meet along the way that help me reach that goal. I have never had better friends in my life than the ones I've met in Montana. And the prospect of meeting more incredible people throughout the world is very exciting for me. I didn't go back to Glacier for the hiking or the bus driving or for the fun of it. I went to meet the people. Lucky for me I did because I left Glacier this year with four of the best friends I'll ever have. Friends like them have become very important to me...and I'd love to find more. Who knows...I might even find the person I'll spend the rest of my life with.

People measure success in different ways. For some it can be how far they get in their career, how much money they have, or even raising children. For me, right now, success is the tight bonds I've helped create and the truth I've learned about myself.

My point is that I'm not done yet. I'm not satisfied just yet with the things and people I've discovered. I still feel like something else is out there waiting for me. Therefore, I'm going to keep traveling and doing seasonal work until I find it. God only knows when that will be. And even when I do, that doesn't mean I'm going to go back to "real life" as so many people imagine it. I would still like to work in the field of broadcasting. That's not to say my desires won't change but it still interests me. I trained for it and I enjoy it. It's just that I may not take the most common path to get there. I may not be the news reporter or anchor I always dreamed of. Then again I might be. I just don't know. And I'm not going to decide anytime soon no matter how much others may feel like I need to. I no longer believe your life path is supposed to be decided when you're young. It seems more logical to me that you keep discovering new forks in the road as you go through life. I have absolutely no idea where I'm going to be in five years...and I like it that way.

Don't worry about me. Don't wonder, with concern, what happened to all of my goals. They're still there. They're just different now. I decided to write this because I'm getting tired of all the serious, half-serious, and joking attempts to nudge me back into the "real" world. No one ever expected this path for me and I certainly never expected it for myself. But my mother always told me that the most important thing in life was being happy. So be happy for me...because I've never been happier.

"Not all who wander are lost." J.R.R Tolkien

I found this letter near the end of this very strange day. It's been a day of out-of-nowhere signals and clues as to where I'm headed in life and where I want to go. I can't quite make sense of all of it just yet. But I feel a change on the horizon. It could be as simple as a new job in broadcasting. It could be something else entirely. I honestly have no idea. But I've been anxious all day. Finding this letter eased my mind quite a bit. There's a connection between what I was feeling when I wrote this and what I'm feeling now. But I can't explain what the connection is. My present circumstances are very different from those of 2003. But there's a sense of familiarity that I just can't put my finger on. The water is muddy right now. I need to be patient and let the dirt settle. Then I'll be able to see more clearly.

Calmer

I know I've been quiet for a while. I've got a lot on my mind. I compare it to the way I felt near the end of my time in Bozeman. I'll go into details another time. My point is that there is one big difference between now and then. I'm not stressed this time around. I feel a little anxious and worried about the future...but my stress level is low. That's a good thing. A very good thing.

I opened my door this morning to go preheat Jasper and was greeted with a winter wonderland. I stood in the doorway shocked at all the snow on the ground and all the snow falling from the sky. I love it when a winter storm can surprise you like that. It's a great feeling to see snow for the first time in a season. A lot of people hate it. I'll probably hate it by February. But today...I loved it.

I just wish other people could drive in it. The idiocy of others makes my commute treacherous.